Sunday, February 25, 2007

DIARY OF A MAD JURIST II

We received this anonymous email:

Rumpole,

It's been a difficult week and I have not had the time to fully review my diary and create a post for your Sunday readers. Sorry. But I'm the Judge, so I don't have to give excuses, right?
However, I jotted down these brief notes to give your readers an idea where my thoughts were recently.


It's a quiet Tuesday morning. Thank goodness. What was that? Did that PD just flirt with me? I swear it's happened before. Lets see: 15,20,22, good lord, I'm more than 25 years older than that PD. Oh, that would be a good one. I can just see the headline in the Herald now. "Judge mauls PD in Chambers, sentences client to prison." Of course there might be Oprah, a confessional episode of sorts. The problem is, I don't have an alcohol or drug problem. Nothing to blame this on except...human nature. Ha! What kind of defense is that? I'd hang.

Lets see....10 minutes of pleasure (ok...maybe 5) versus ruining a career, losing my pension, shame; will have to hire an attorney for the bar complaint. Forget the JQC. I'd give that up. It's keeping my ticket that I'd fight for.

You see, if people could just go through that analysis before jumping into something they shouldn't, I'd have a lot less work here in criminal court.

Well, let them have their fun. Maybe they will stop filing these stupid motions. Here's a thought: "Judge, we have no valid motions. Let's just go to trial." I think I might topple off the bench if that happened. What is it about the training of lawyers that makes them think that they have to challenge every small detail? Granted, there are times for that. But some of the best lawyers I know are honest and forthright and don't stand in front of me, trying- not very successfully- to convince me that they honestly believe I should ignore a few decades of case law.

You know what really gets my goat? These Judges who offer to try my cases for me. "Hey. I can handle my calendar and case load. Stop sucking up. These guys were probably the milk monitors in grade school. They were probably the same ones that volunteered to run the AV equipment. They probably sat in the front row of law school and raised their damn hand every minute, when they were not busy volunteering to work on some pro bono case with a professor they were sucking up to.

Here's to the back row of life! Those of us who just did what we had to, tried our best, didn't suck up, and still managed to make something of ourselves.

Anyway, Rumpole, I enjoyed the response from last week, and I hope to have some more thoughtful comments in the future.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

One of the many reasons I wanted top become a Judge was that I became very tired of filing those b/s motions becasue every def lawyer thinks you HAVE to file a motion to suppress.

Regarding Judges who offer to help with jury trials, don't have such a huge ego and just accept the help...big deal. That helps me get rid of at least half a dozen serious cases a year.

Anonymous said...

I saw Rumpole today! It is confirmed, it was on TV, and Rumpole responded by name. He is....
...
...

A donkey on the Animal planet that did not like to follow the lead!

Case closed.

FORMER JUDGE said...

I used to love those young pd's right out of law school....

p.s. I am not Judge Ted Mastos!

Anonymous said...

used to love? i still love those hot young pds.

Anonymous said...

judge ward.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE Judge Ward!

Anonymous said...

Ward is hot

Anonymous said...

I think Peter O'Toole is trying to pull A Weekend at Bernies.

FORMER JUDGE ON THE OSCARS: said...

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY GOES TO:

PHIL REIZENSTEIN FOR THE FILM
"BLOGENSTEIN"

(AUDIENCE CHEERS...)

FORMER JUDGE AT OSCARS "LIVE" said...

(PHILIP REIZENSTEIN RISES AND WALKS TO THE PODIUM SHAKING HANDS WITH CLINT EASTWOOD AND RAISES HIS FIST TO JACK NICHOLSON...AND THE AUDIENCE IS SCREAMING AND ON THEIR FEET)...

"i would like to first thank my distinguished mentor judge larry seidlin. i clerked for him for 2 years after my law school graduation from miami-dade junior college. until i passed the bar after 4 tries, judge seidlin believed in me and my fine memo writing abilities. i was proud of my close relationship with judge seidlin. he taught me, inter alia, how to be a legal thinker and a great storyteller. i believe that if my fellow academy members would speak to the dade county judiciary they would express their gratitude to my mentor, judge larry. this oscar i dedicate to you, my new york taxi driving legal scholar hero. (music begins to play and audience claps - phil reizenstein walks off the stage holding hands with candace bergen)....

FORMER JUDGE says one other thing.... said...

former judge says:

p.s. can i be a guest feature article writer on the blog when rumpole is in trial or out of town? if no, how about editor of the scholarly and much revered "justice building law review?"

rumpole, call my agent and let's work something out. i have got lots of "schtick" (spanish for funny stuff) and i used to be the opening act for jackie mason at the concord hotel in the catskills...ah, but that is before your time young rumpole!

Anonymous said...

This Former Judge has some talent! what do you say Judge Blake? Give the kid a chance? You and the 11th Circuit Blog Nominating Commission should get together and make an announcement.

is it Rosemary Jones? Feiler? Postman? Colby? Rodriguez-Gomez-Fernandez (no, she is still on the bench in South Dade)?

Anonymous said...

To coin an old phrase: by whom would you rather be governed. The ass kissers in the front row in law school (or grade school for that matter) who got the best grades or the screw offs in the back row who shot spit balls and played poker? Not even a close call.

GEORGE BUSH said...

this is funny poster:

http://djayrage.podomatic.com/2006-06-28T03_59_23-07_00.bmp

RUMPOLE IF YOU CAN POST THE PIC ON THE BLOG

Anonymous said...

¡Ululación! No puedo creer que el alfilerillo Pitt daría para arriba Jennifer Aniston. Significo, realmente le consiguen ser una perra para que le consiga lejos de ella.

Anonymous said...

English only please, for those of you who are gifted and brilliant enough to speak two languages fluently....

Anonymous said...

eh por fay-vor en englich para d res of os....
sank chu

Anonymous said...

I don't mind a Spanish post. I am offended by posts about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

But what intrigues me about the Spanish post is that the last period is a hyperlink. I'm thinking comment-spam, intended to drive up someone's google pagerank.

Anonymous said...

what county judge did lesperance file against? anyone know? anyone know when Gina's filing again? What would life be without Gina, Josie and Migda for two more years?

Anonymous said...

That's a Babelfish Spanish translation of something that was originally written in English. That's why it makes no sense whatsoever in Spanish. It's a word for word translation and it sounds like it says something like:

"¡Ululatión! I can't believe that the prick Pitt would give up Jennifer Anniston. I mean, really, they get her to be a bitch to get away from her"

Whatever...

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you something about the post of Philip Reizenstein winning an Oscar. Funniest thing I have seen on here! I am rolling on the floor.