Friday, February 09, 2007


A semi-serious look at a band of over-worked, under-paid, criminal court Judges, “North of here” yet, south of Tallahassee, whose daily struggle is full of humorous yet sad details.

Staring Verne Troyer as Chief Captain “D” Furillo, the commander of Courts on the Hill.





“Dade sucks”….and “remember…bond can be raised as well as lowered” and “guidelines are for sissies”

SGT ESTERHAUS: People…people settle down. Item 11: The Courthouse joker has struck again.
[a chorus of boos erupts]

SGT: It seems our secret friend switched the labels on the regular and decaf, causing the more nervous among us to spend yesterday twitching and jumping for no apparent reason. Now, if I catch this little imp, I can assure you that the offending party will spend the next year doing Sunday bond hearings.
[the room erupts in applause…someone shouts…”It’s Dale.” and others laugh]

SGT: Item 12: Quiet down…quiet down. On a serious note, you may notice that one member of the fairer sex is no longer among us. A directive from Chief “D” Furillio states that this Judge has been assigned to the civil division as part of the normal rotation…Now [the room erupts into loud yelling and catcalling]

SGT. Ok…keep it down….now it just so happens that this re-assignment coincides as it were with a front page news article in one of our distinguished local dailys that states our judge is under serious investigation from the JQC.

[More shouts erupt….a few voices are heard “she’s in trouble again??!!!” ; and
“at least she didn’t send anonymous emails”..and a voice replies “at least she didn’t get anyone deported” another voice yells “at least she didn’t yell at people who couldn’t speak English.” Another voice yells “dade blows”

SGT. You all have your own opinions, and are free to express them. However, straight from our Chief “D” Furillio, is a gentle reminder that anyone who speaks to a reporter may well go to the top of the list of judges for evening search warrant duty. Just a friendly reminder from our boss. Now, you are also reminded that any attorney who appears before you who makes a smart remark about our colleague under investigation should be reported immediately to me, and I will disseminate their names at tomorrow’s roll call. You all have today’s “hit list” in front of you. The offending barristers should be dealt with swiftly. Those who want a continuance should have it denied. Those who are ready for trial, should have it set off until Christmas. Bonds at bond hearings for these shysters will be uniformly raised, and I need not remind you of our policy about attorneys from parts south of this piece of paradise we rule, do I? [there is silence in the room]. Do I ?

[In uniform all the judges chant:
Lawyers from dade we will ignore;
our bailiffs will show them the door;
if they dare complain-we will not fail…
they will join their clients’ in jail!]

SGT. Very good. Item 13. A reminder that all county court judges will not be having any jury trials this week.
[Shouts are heard- “what else is new?”]
As those judges will be sitting en banc to hear a new motion challenging the intoxilyzer 8000, to wit: was it proper to use Jack Daniels as a cleaning solution to the interior parts of the machine?
The hearing will take 3 days, and during that time, extra jurors will be available to all those who need it in circuit court.

SGT: That’s it no more items. Lets roll.

[People begin to get up, drink the last of their coffee, and talk among the judges begins to rise to a loud level. Several judges are at the door and almost out of the room.]

SGT. Hey..HEY HEY. !!! [the room quiets down and everyone turns to look at the sergeant.] “LETS GO GET SOME GUILTY VERDICTS OUR THERE.]

[the room empties and the opening theme for the show begins to play]


Anonymous said...

Too funny, Rump! You're back in rare form!

Anonymous said...

Free Scooter Libby NOW.

Fake Bennett said...

Finally...a parody that's not about me.

even steven said...



A rookie Miami Beach officer was hospitalized after he accidentally shot himself in the groin at his Opa-locka home Wednesday night, authorities said.

His wound was considered nonlife-threatening, said Miami Beach police union president Bobby Jenkins.

The officer, whose name was not released, was not on duty. Because of where he was shot, the officer was airlifted to Ryder Trauma Center at Jackson Memorial Hospital in serious but stable condition, authorities said.

Miami-Dade police are handling the investigation.

Anonymous said...

"Because of where he was shot"

does that mean Opa Locka?

Or do we now call him "high-pitch eric"?

Anonymous said...

Rump, that script is priceless. When are you going to write the prosecutors in?

Anonymous said...

i dont think rump is responsible for the hill street blues parody.
phil your minds with the possibilities.

Anonymous said...

this week's blog rocks; the captain and rumpole posts are the best in weeks. i love it down here man!

Anonymous said...

So...Rump are you ever going to let the post unmasking you as TOm Kobitz ever see the light of day?

Anonymous said...

For the record, I was the first Manny is a moron poster. Ask anyone who has worked with Manny, he is so damn dumb it is incredible. The guy was sent to DV misd because he could not be trusted with a felony case. But, how do we trust those idiots in Felony DV. Come on, look who is in that group. I think we should do an ASA by ASA critic of them.

I was having a conversation about Manny and how he handles cases. The conversation was hilarious about Manny and a defense attorney who was a former ASA. Manny was the laughing stock to not only the defendant, but the victim too. Ask those who started with him, he is dumb and always has been dumb.

FYI said...

I found out this morning from the AOC that N.W. 13th Court will be closed effective next Monday in order to accomodate the media armada for the Jessica Lunsford trial. With this street closed, the Monday traffic situation promises to be the worst ever, and my source says that you should get to the courthouse before 7:30 a.m. if you want to get a decent parking place. Promises to be another great week at the MJB.

Anonymous said...

i guess that means you all better have your morning sex at 5:30 to get here on time...

Anonymous said...

I heard that KFR will have a special route for her limo. Also, rumor is Don H will be directing traffic.

Maybe HP will take over the SAO for the day.

Anonymous said...

I echo the previous post,

robed reader up north said...

I swear if I ever get my mitts on you rumpole, I wil throw you so deep into the bowels of Broward County Jail that when they blow up the building to make a new one, you will still be 20 feet below the blast hole. We hate you up here. You are arrogant, insulting, witty, intelligent, and not afraid of judges- and we cannot tolerate that kind of lawyer in these here parts. You are warned.


RHYMER 49ER said...

I had coffee with David Joffee.
The on the way to court, I started to heckel simon steckel.
I got to my office and changed my computer font, with the help of Gary Pont.

Did a neat trick, and got a client acquitted before Judge Glick.

Didn't work late, so I could meet Joe Farina, at the Miami Arena.
We chated a bit and shared a rumor about Alan Shuminer.

Watched the heat get beat, and got into a fight with Jay White.

Read the blog to end my day
saw a post by Jason grey.

Anonymous said...

does anyone else see the fact that rumpole's email address is Howardroark (HR) and his fictional character's name is Horace Rumpole (HR), and "the key is the email"

Hmm...Howard Rosen...have anything you want to respond to???

Anonymous said...

A day without sleepy bennett is like a day without a cookie.

Anonymous said...

Please join SAVE on February 17th

February 12 to April 4, 2007
Otto G. Richter Library
First Floor

Presented by the University of Miami Libraries and the Sue and Leonard Miller Center for Contemporary Judaic Studies

Join us for the exhibition opening, preceded by a screening of the film Bent

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Film screening at 8:30 p.m.
in the Whitten Learning Center Room 160

Reception at 10 p.m. at the Otto G. Richter Library

Please RSVP by Tuesday, February 13 to Carlos Goycochea at or 305-284-4026.

The Whitten Learning Center is located at 5150 Brunson Drive, near the intersection of Pisano and Campo Sano Avenues in Coral Gables.

Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals
Between 1933 and 1945, Nazi Germany
sought domination over Europe and,
in what is now called the Holocaust,
the total annihilation of Europe 's
Jews. As part of its effort to
create a “master Aryan race,”
the Nazi government persecuted
other groups, including Germany 's
homosexual men. Believing
them to be carriers of a
“degeneracy” that threatened
the nation's “disciplined
masculinity” and hindered
population growth, the Nazi
state incarcerated in prisons
and concentration camps tens
of thousands of men as a
means of terrorizing German
homosexuals into social
conformity. Through reproductions
of some 250 historic photographs
and documents, Nazi Persecution
of Homosexuals 1933-1945
examines the rationale, means,
and impact of the Nazi regime's
attempt to eradicate homosexuality
that left thousands dead and
shattered the lives of many more.

Nazi Persecution of Homosexuals 1933-1945 is organized and circulated by the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. This exhibition has been made possible in part by support from the Duane Rath Endowment Fund and the Foundation for Civil Rights.

Co-chairs of the SAVE Guardian Society

phone: 305.751.SAVE (7283)

Anonymous said...

my biggest pet peeve happens not in the justice building, but the local publix deli. i hate it when you get cold cuts, and they are too lazy to zip lock the plastic bag, and they just put the sticker over the zipper part and the rest of the bag. obviously that is not airtight, preventing keeping your turkey fresh. so you have to rip off the sticker to use the zipper part.

inevitably, the sticker rips the bag. this really bothers me.

who is representinh the defendant in the lunsford case?

Anonymous said...


rumpole hunter said...

I was asked to give an update on my success, and the news is not good. when I last left you I was at the end of the third website away from the seven seals of rumpole. I needed the area code of karachi and had to express it in binary form. when I went to answer the question all of the sudden I had a horrible feeling I had forgotten something. And I had. I missed the clue that told me the order to input the numbers. well, I froze, and a timer appeared and I panicked and I just picked an order...and it was wrong...and all of the sudden my screen goes blank...and then a video clip from the Verdict appears at the point where Paul Newman gets in a trap and Jack Warden says "you forgot the first thing I taught you in law school...don't ask a question you don't know the answer to."

Well, now i'm locked out of that website, and the website before that and the website before that, and the only website I can access accepts my old code, and then the screen translates from english to some asian characters, so I'm really screwed. I don't know what to do, and the few people in RUMP/CHAT on ICQ had never heard of this problem before. Safe to say I was close, but his secret is still safe and secure.

Rumpy hunter is down and out.

Anonymous said...

I could find out who rumpole is for a small fee.

Anonymous said...

Funniest post ever.

Anonymous said...

Batman says:

I have reread the posts of Rumpole and the Captain.

Captain: as to the "Felix" matter, the reason the "jail official" called the defense attorney had very little to do with sympathy for Mr. Felix. Jail officials in many counties and in the state penal system are trying to get Aids inmates out of their facilities. They do no want to care for them. It is expensive and housing them is difficult. Dale Ross let him go because the Broward County Sherriff and other county bureaucrats wanted off the problem. Judge Alemon, like it or not, did not have to accept the stipulation of the state and defense. She had the discretion to reject it. On a moral issue we may be offended and wish she had done otherwise, but violate a Canon, I think not.

Rumpole: Judge Alemon has no history of action by the JQC. The "reprimands" you speak of are opinions by the 4th DCA criticizing her decisions.

I have no love lost for this judge. She is difficult and makes Leslie Rothenberg look defense oriented. But the people of Broward, for better or worse, chose to marry themselves to her for 6 years. Just as the people of Miami-Dade wanted Peter Adrian, Will Thomas, Barbara Areses, Anna Pando, Leslie Rothenberg, Arthur Taylor, Al Sepe and many others.

I stand by my statement in an earlier post that this is just open warfare between the defense bar and a judicial officer. It diminishes us all.


Anonymous said...

Why not speak of judges who do in fact help people;Why not talk of judges who go beyong their duties to help defendant,victoms and the community.Many do in fact exist,even in Miami-Dade County.
We have good and bad in all walks of life.We seem only to focus on the negative.Perhaps one reason is to compensate for our own shortcomings.

Anonymous said...

OR, the good judges are going good, so leave well enough alone.

perhaps we are constructively criticing judges whose policies we dislike, in order to open a discussion. judges have changed sounding and calendar procedures due to blog demand.

and no one commented on my deli dilemna

Anonymous said...

I cannot tell you how many times that darn public deli bag just rips trying to pull apart the sticker label.

Enough on publix what about the main post office. Here is the picture 5 postal tellers and 10 people in line (seems fair) NOT! So the first five people have 150 ebay boxes each needing scan for delivery confirmation or certified mail etc. The 5 other people behind the ebay jerks have 1 or two pieces of mail have to wait 2 hours because the post office cannot make one line a express lane 5 items or less.

That is enough to piss off the pope.

Anonymous said...

Are we really going to fill this blog with discussions of the publix deli and the post office?

The bigger issue is why is the drive through line at pollo tropical always backed up? I mean isnt there 3000 places in Miami to get rice and beans? Isn't going to pollo tropical in miami like going to canton in china?

I won't sit in that line? Just won't do it.

Anti-Tannenbaum said...

Another tip of the day from the Anti-Tannenbaum for all you C's and lazy B's out there.

At arraignment, when you file an information against Mutley along with the alphabet soup paperwork (HVO,PRRP, HO, GORT), file a motion to modify/revoke bond. Mutley is facing significantly more time and the circumstances have changed. His bond should change too.

I know it takes more work and you dont get paid enough but you represent the your job well.

Anonymous said...

The theory that Rumpole is Howard Rosen made me go hmmmmmmmm................ He's been around long enough, he makes some rather pro-state comments but he's just liberal enough to make all the defense comments too, he's got great wit, he always rushes to the defense of all the prosecutors, and he gets a woody everytime Abe Laeser posts. Howard Rosen is a fantastic guess.

Anonymous said...

5:15 am that number is about 250,000 places to get rice and beans.

Anonymous said...

It's PHIL R.

Look just take 100 written letters of Phil R. and compare to the sloppy written work of Rumpole. It will be an exact match (style, wit, sloppy work).

Anonymous said...

thanks.... I think

Anonymous said...

Can I just point out that anyone who is an Ayn Rand fan (shudder) is NOT a liberal (under the American definition of the word). Now if we were in Austria, things might be different, but I digress. So Rumpole is NOT a liberal. He may be in favor of equal rights for all, which is admirable, but his views about the role and efficacy of government would make any real American liberal blanch.

The Nicotine Patch said...

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Barack Obama for Vice President.

IN 2008

Sponsored by The Nicotine Patch Obama did it so can you.

Anonymous said...

howard rosen is not the blogger, it's Phil, can we move on now?

royal said...

Why insult Brian Tannenbaum? Is it because he does well, works hard, networks and self promotes? Stop being so fucking lazy and get motivated anti-t.

fake brummer said...

sleep blogger

Anonymous said...

I love Manny S. Manny is smart and cute and funny. Manny knows how to handle us, the defense bar.
We should not be angry with him because he is better then us. I think the DV unit does a great job. They never over prosecute cases, they are just being careful so they use the shotgun approach!

Anonymous said...

Which judge and j.a assisted a n handicapped person who's wheelchair had broken?Most just went by without stopping.

Anonymous said...

Judges at the MJB that we should be thankful for:

Stan Blake
Kevin Emas
Gill Freeman
Bob Scola (please come back, Bobby!)
Reemberto Diaz
Leon Firtel
Lenny Glick
David Young (sorry to see you go Penguin!)
Mark King Leban
Peter Lopez
Cristina Pereya
Rob Pineiro
Izzy Reyes
Orlando Prescott
Dennis Murphy
Rosa Rodriguez
Jeff Rosinek
John Schlesinger
Larry Schwartz
Berty Soto
William Thomas
Diane Ward
Antonio Arzola
Darrin Gayles
Luise Krieger-Martin
Ed Newman
Steve Leifman
Karen Mills-Francis
Maria Ortiz
Shelly Schwartz
Fred Seraphin
Sam "the Gator" Slom
Stan Blake (yes, I know I listed him twice, but he's just that good that he deserves to be listed twice)

Considering the above list includes virtually every judge in the MJB, I would say that we are pretty lucky.

North of the Border:

Susan Lebow
Joel Lazarus
Bob Diaz
Gary Cowart I see the problem.

Anonymous said...

you can't have bob scola back...we need him in civil!!!!

Anonymous said...

things are pretty bad north of the border if all you can come up with for good judges are bob diaz and gary cowart.

Anonymous said...

North of the Border--Cindy Imperato and Jeff Levinson are awesome!