Staring Verne Troyer as Chief Captain “D” Furillo, the commander of Courts on the Hill.
[ A DARK SCREEEN WITH WHITE LETTERING]
ROLL CALL 7:02 AM
FADE TO A CROWDED ROOM WITH A BALDING DISTINGUISHED MAN AT A PODIUM. HE IS SERGEANT ESTERHAUS, AND HE RUNS THE ROLL CALL MEETING.
HE IS ADDRESSING A GROUP OF 20-30 JUDGES WHO HAVE CROWDED INTO THE ROOM. SOME ARE SIPPING COFFEE, EATING BAGELS AND DOUGHNUTS. A FEW SERIOUS ONES HAVE NOTEBOOKS OPEN. A FEW IGNORE THE PROCEEDINGS AND CHAT AMONG THEMSELVES.
THERE IS A BLACKBOARD WITH SOME WRITING BEHIND THE SERGEANT:
A FEW NOTES CAN BE SEEN OVER HIS SHOULDER INCLUDING
“Dade sucks”….and “remember…bond can be raised as well as lowered” and “guidelines are for sissies”
SGT ESTERHAUS: People…people settle down. Item 11: The Courthouse joker has struck again.
[a chorus of boos erupts]
SGT: It seems our secret friend switched the labels on the regular and decaf, causing the more nervous among us to spend yesterday twitching and jumping for no apparent reason. Now, if I catch this little imp, I can assure you that the offending party will spend the next year doing Sunday bond hearings.
[the room erupts in applause…someone shouts…”It’s Dale.” and others laugh]
SGT: Item 12: Quiet down…quiet down. On a serious note, you may notice that one member of the fairer sex is no longer among us. A directive from Chief “D” Furillio states that this Judge has been assigned to the civil division as part of the normal rotation…Now [the room erupts into loud yelling and catcalling]
SGT. Ok…keep it down….now it just so happens that this re-assignment coincides as it were with a front page news article in one of our distinguished local dailys that states our judge is under serious investigation from the JQC.
[More shouts erupt….a few voices are heard “she’s in trouble again??!!!” ; and
“at least she didn’t send anonymous emails”..and a voice replies “at least she didn’t get anyone deported” another voice yells “at least she didn’t yell at people who couldn’t speak English.” Another voice yells “dade blows”
SGT. You all have your own opinions, and are free to express them. However, straight from our Chief “D” Furillio, is a gentle reminder that anyone who speaks to a reporter may well go to the top of the list of judges for evening search warrant duty. Just a friendly reminder from our boss. Now, you are also reminded that any attorney who appears before you who makes a smart remark about our colleague under investigation should be reported immediately to me, and I will disseminate their names at tomorrow’s roll call. You all have today’s “hit list” in front of you. The offending barristers should be dealt with swiftly. Those who want a continuance should have it denied. Those who are ready for trial, should have it set off until Christmas. Bonds at bond hearings for these shysters will be uniformly raised, and I need not remind you of our policy about attorneys from parts south of this piece of paradise we rule, do I? [there is silence in the room]. Do I ?
[In uniform all the judges chant:
SGT. Very good. Item 13. A reminder that all county court judges will not be having any jury trials this week.
The hearing will take 3 days, and during that time, extra jurors will be available to all those who need it in circuit court.
SGT: That’s it no more items. Lets roll.
[People begin to get up, drink the last of their coffee, and talk among the judges begins to rise to a loud level. Several judges are at the door and almost out of the room.]
SGT. Hey..HEY HEY. !!! [the room quiets down and everyone turns to look at the sergeant.] “LETS GO GET SOME GUILTY VERDICTS OUR THERE.]
[the room empties and the opening theme for the show begins to play]