WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL RICHARD E GERSTEIN JUSTICE BUILDING BLOG. THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO JUSTICE BUILDING RUMOR, HUMOR, AND A DISCUSSION ABOUT AND BETWEEN THE JUDGES, LAWYERS AND THE DEDICATED SUPPORT STAFF, CLERKS, COURT REPORTERS, AND CORRECTIONAL OFFICERS WHO LABOR IN THE WORLD OF MIAMI'S CRIMINAL JUSTICE. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CALLED "THE DEFINITIVE BLOG ON MIAMI CRIMINAL LAW" BY THE NY TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST, THE POPE, AND DONALD TRUMP WHO ALSO ONCE SAID IT WAS "REALLY GREAT". POST YOUR COMMENTS, OR SEND RUMPOLE A PRIVATE EMAIL AT HOWARDROARK21@GMAIL.COM

Saturday, April 01, 2017

MAJOR CHANGES COMING TO REGJB

A secret proposal to monetize extra-legal services at the REGJB in order to fill budget gaps and prevent layoffs of essential staff is winding its way through the approval of a committee of judges picked by our chief judge. Among the proposals being submitted for approval are the following:

1) The naming and sponsorship of courtrooms by law firms. Big on the list are traffic law firms offering as much as $50,000/year to have their names as sponsors on misdemeanor courtrooms. Other large civil law firms are vying for having their names on the larger courtrooms in the civil and family courthouse. 

2) A valet service for parking and a valet lounge where clients can wait until their case is called. The Valet company will be required to hire 50% of it's staff from defendants on probation for non-violent and first-offense cases. 

3) An upscale organic eatery and juice and wine bar to replace the small cafe on 8 called "Just-Us". Karaoke will be available after 6 pm for lawyers waiting on a verdict. 

4) The instillation of high-speed internet and video entertainment and work stations in the jury room that can be rented for $20/hour for jurors to view videos or perform work while waiting to be called. 

5) A lawyer locker-room where lawyers can rent lockers to store brief cases, and files. No word on steam-room and showers. 

6) A Starbucks cart on floors one, four and nine. 

7) An electronic scoreboard on the first floor listing cases in trial, the charges, and the lawyers. 

Items that were proposed and were rejected included the renting of a small space to a haberdashery that would sell ties, shirts, and small clothing items as well as pens and pads; a series of electronic massage chairs on the end of every floor that charge a dollar a minute; the licensing of the image of Richard Gerstein for coffee mugs; a Janet Reno-Keno game for money; the sale of a self-published book on Amazon entitled "The History of The Justice Building". 

Our courthouse is like a shark- either it keeps swimming or it dies. 

From Occupied America, Fight the Power. 

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great news like this comes along once a year.
In other news Tom Brady retired.

Anonymous said...

I love the idea of a lawyer's locker room. Not so sure I want convicted felons running the valet parking lot.

Anonymous said...

Your April fools post this year lacks the punch of previous years.

Anonymous said...

Can't fool me. Great April Fools Day Post. Biggest April Fools however are those poor souls who voted for Trump because they believed his pack of lies.

Anonymous said...

Very funny post, Rumpole!

Anonymous said...

Stooooooopid!

Anonymous said...

Bad joke, but not bad ideas.

The Shumie said...

Love the "Janet Reno-Keno" game. An instant classic.

Anonymous said...

Hey- trump Haters This week Gorsuch. Within the next two years probably two more. Worth whatever embarrassment we get.