UPDATE ONE: COURTS CLOSED THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY, SUNDAY AND
MONDAY (COLOMBUS DAY)
In photo one above, an alert reader catches a highly trained worker installing high-tech silicon-based hurricane flood prevention devices (sandbags)
In photo 2 above, we watch as workers install hurricane shutters and wonder about the over/under on how long the awning lasts and where it ends up?
Matthew-Killer Storm 2016 edition. v1.0.
Here we go again.
After much emails, begging, and cajoling, we herewith present Rumpole's Hurricane Preparation List, (c) JBB Productions, 2016.
(Listed in order of importance)
1. One Quart Titos Handmade Vodka
2. Two Gallons Orange Juice, one gallon Cranberry Juice Cocktail.
3. 4-ten pound bags of ice and one large cooler.
4. La Coe's Pleadings, Florida or the 2016 Rules of Criminal Procedure.
5. Former Judge Jackie Schwartz's self published book: "F'ing Pleadings in Florida"
6. Two large bags Lays potato chips
7. One dozen apples, organic.
8. Three pounds bananas, organic.
9. Four bags Cheetos, large.
10. One large bags of grapes, organic and seedless.
11. Two boxes, Entemanns Chocolate Chip Cookies.
12. A few bottles of water.
13. One block of cheese, cheddar, preferably grass fed from Vermont.
Instructions: Take the ice and put it in the cooler with the vodka and juice and grapes. Move the food to higher ground in your house.
Take the legal books and slowly rip out a page at a time and toss on the floor for your cat to chase.
We often get questions when these disasters threaten us. Here is one: "Rumpole, please explain the difference between a hurricane watch and a hurricane warning and what I should do?"
Rumpole: This is a common question, especially among new lawyers from Kansas and Oklahoma who don't know from hurricanes.
A hurricane watch means that weather ...wait...first you need to know that normal barometric pressure is around 1013 millibars, except in Broward where is it often more, or less.
As a storm approaches, the barometric pressure drops on an inverse curve to the distance in kilometers minus, of course the drag coefficient of the current of the Gulfstream. Duh. This is often called Bernoulli's Equation. So, a hurricane watch means that it could rain a lot in the next 48 hours.
However a hurricane warning means that it is raining, that the drag coefficient of the Gulfstream is less than minus 1 Celsius, and tropical storm winds may be present soon.
If all of this sounds complicated, it really isn't. Check Rumpole's list. When Channel 7 WSVN, designated by President Rutherford B. Hayes as "Your Hurricane Station" issues a Hurricane Watch, pour one shot of vodka into a cold cup with some ice and OJ. Place the rest of the vodka and juice in the cooler. Drink and repeat. By the third drink, Bernoulli's Equation and the differences between the hurricane watch and hurricane warning will not be any clearer, but you won't care.
Most Bowling lanes.
The PIP Seminar at Joes Take-Away entitled "PIP-How to bang those insurance companies for fees now more than ever."
Court is open Wednesday, but closed Thursday except in Broward where court will be closed Wednesday, but open Thursday. (*)
All Christian Science Reading Rooms (not because of the storm, but because no one goes there anymore).
See you in court. Stay Dry, and watch this blog for your exclusive end of civilization coverage of "Matthew- Killer Storm 2016."
* None of this is true as far as we know, but it's a great rumor.
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