Tuesday, June 16, 2009


This was the scene confronting the citizens of Miami as they streamed into our worn down and weary courthouse on Monday on not one, but two floors.

When will it end? It's like voire dire before Judge Tunis (we hear she went a solid month on her current murder case). 

Cleveland Browns WR Donte Stallworth has agreed to plead guilty DUI Manslaughter. According to ESPN he will serve "a short jail sentence" followed by lengthy probation.  Chris Lyons for the defense in this case.

Are they holding a goodbye party for Souter at the Supreme Court? Will there be a soiree in his chambers with delivery from Papa Johns and Scalia and Ginsberg singing parody songs about Souter's return to the Mountains of New Hampshire? 

Or does he just take down his diplomas, pack his name plate and take off? Does he get a little plate to tack on to his license plate identifying him as a retired supreme court judge to help him get out of traffic tickets? Just wondering. 

We counted five male judges who were NOT wearing ties in court on Monday. What's sauce for the goose should be sauce for the gander, eh?  

There's nothing funny about a demented and ill individual who kills helpless and innocent animals, and we're not going to make any jokes about it.   

See you in court. We're the one in the tie. 


Anonymous said...

Did ESPN report how much money Stallworth paid to the victim's family in exchange for the "short" jail sentence and probation?

Anonymous said...

wow - even by chris lyons' standard, this is a rocket plea. and with jail time! wow! great job, chris.

Anonymous said...

Lets see, they're rioting in Iran, North Korea is threatening nuclear war, the economy is in the tank, most of our 401ks will never support us, swine flu may or may not be a pandemic and all you have to whine about is wearing a coat and tie. WHAT A GREAT WONDERFUL LIFE.

Anonymous said...

Obama's next plan is likely to be setting the amount of sleep all Americans must get each night. It will be called "the Sleep Surplus Plan" and it will be headed by a "sleep czar" When is this government control madness going to end? Obama, if you want to do something constructive, why don't you tell these useless youths that if they drop out of high school, you're going to double their taxes.

Anonymous said...

Now the cops pull over an ambulance WITH A PATIENT IN THE BACK and proceed to ticket them for failure to yeild. When the paramedic calmly explains that they have an emergency, the out of control redneck puts him in a chokehold! Luckily the patient is ok or else the cop should be facing murder charges.

I wonder though, does Mark Eiglarsh think that the paramedic deserved this too? Like he thought the 72 year old granny deserved getting tazed?

Maybe Mark should try some actual cases and cut down on his tv appearances.....

Anonymous said...

I think that a jacket is appropriate, but ties should be optional during the summer. However jeans are not appropriate dress at any time. (This was directed to you Michael Kaufman.)

Anonymous said...

8:07 - you criticize, but think about it. If Donte does a "short" jail sentnece and gets right back to the NFL this season, the net $ make it worth the while. Donte has been around a while. He does not have too many more years left to play and a "long" jail sentence spells the end of his career. This may as much a financial decision as it is a legal one.

Plus one should not forget the interference and overwhelming influence of Drew Rosenhaus.

Anonymous said...

A farewell party for Souter? Maybe they can show him the same respect that he showed to the late chief justice. Souter did not show up for Rehnquist's funeral. He stayed in New Hampshire. A real class act.

Anonymous said...

The Q would have gotten Stallworth's DUI manslaughter dropped down to careless driving.

Fear the Q
Respect the Q
Close your eyes
Become the Q

Stallworth said...

Good job, Chris.

It always helps when your client can throw a few million at a victim. But the fast work was what Chris should get the credit for.

I had a DUI manslaughter client who got 9 years, and I don't suck as a lawyer. She couldn't buy off the vics.

Anonymous said...

From http://www.miamiherald.com/news/breaking-news/story/1099564.html

"Accepting responsibility for the drunk-driving crash that killed a pedestrian on Miami Beach, NFL player Donte' Stallworth pleaded guilty Tuesday and was sentenced to serve one month in a Miami-Dade County jail.

Stallworth, 28, was immediately taken into custody.

After he gets out, Stallworth will serve two years of house arrest followed by eight years' probation, according to his plea deal. He will also lose his driving privileges for life and have to perform 1,000 hours of community service.

Stallworth has also agreed to pay an undisclosed sum to the Reyes family."

Last sentence is the most important one for purposes of the plea.

Anonymous said...

This plea by SAO is indefensible. who cares what the victims want this guy is buying his way out of a murder case plain and simple. disgraceful

Anonymous said...

MORE ON THE GENDER FRONT: Sonia Sotomayor says an elite all-women's club she belongs to (Still?) doesn't discriminate unfairly. Her club, the Belizean Grove (I wonder what they do?), lets men speak at events and participate in trips. (Thanks Sonia.) She also says she's unaware that a man has ever tried to become a member. (Not a defense Sonia.)

GOP senators questioned her participation because of the (discriminatory) nature of the group. Federal judges are bound by a code that says they shouldn't join any organization that discriminates by race, sex (read gender Sonia), religion, or nationality.

Can't wait for her appointment. You think she wears a tie?

Anonymous said...

Lyons Rocks!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I’ll make the cat jokes:
If dead cat continue to turn up…. It could be the work of a copy cat killer.
If the cats were taken from private property… it is the work of a cat burglar.
There has got to be better jokes.. Please post them.. lets hope person(s) responsible get the mental health care they need.

Anonymous said...

Message for Rumpole:

The picture you took is shitty.

You could pick up a few pointers from SFL.

Ares Vista said...

Wow. This guy is a class act.

Anonymous said...

crappy cell phone pic, rumpy.

damn, how many hi 5s has lyons gotten today.

well, at least the 15 yr. daughter has her college and wedding and mortgage secured.

Anonymous said...

I know chris lyons is a ticket lawyer, but 2 years of house arrest and 8 years probation?? wow. what a joke

Anonymous said...

Can someone tell me under what rule can a judge grant a defendant a bond and then put a 48hour hold on the defendant until he gets a psych eval? I can't find anything in the criminal rules. What's up with that Rump?

Anonymous said...

Former ASA here.

30 days for a DUI manslaughter? That's a disgrace. Mothers Against Drunk Driving should be up in arms over this one. From now on, no DUI prosecutor should ever ask for jail time on a case that didnt involve a fatality. And I guess the guy that killed the mother and kids a few months ago, who is being held no bond should get 90 days DCJ. 30 days per corpse according the the "Stallworth formula."
How can you resolve the fact that the DUI prosecutors in county court hardly ever break a case down and will try any DUI case, no matter how bad, but Stallworth gets a pat on the back for cooperating with the police and showing remorse. Athlete buys his way out of trouble again and my old boss KFR should be ashamed.

Anonymous said...

HR it's not like you to take cheap shots, unless it's deserved. The comparison with yet another escalator issue, which is more than annnoyingly slow to Judge Tunis? No way. That's way out there ffor you. Did your source tell you it's a death penalty case from something like 10 years ago, with 5 dead victims and publicity issues? Tough to find jurors that can sit for 8 weeks (& pay the mortgage) As far as I've heard the judge is moving thru the calendars Pinero-like and done by 9:30. I walked in about 2 wks ago at something like 9:20 and she was off the bench from the 8:30 calendar. She's not doing the directs and crosses.

Come on and play fair. Save the digs for when they're true. No one ever agrees with all that these judges do, but J. Tunis is about the opposite of that broken escalator.

Anonymous said...

If Stallworth ran over a cat while impaired would he get 364?

Anonymous said...

L&L Associate a dapper bach drop in court today.

Grumpy Gus said...

KFR tells the press that the plea agreement came after "intense discussions with the victim's family" and was in accordance with their wishes. If that's the case, then why is the SAO so persistent on crappy, unprovable DV cases where the victim doesn't want to proceed.

Victim's wishes my ass. This was a crime against the State of Florida, not just the Reyes family. Stallworth should have been treated like any other defendant. Think of how many 60 year old GORTs are serving prison time for taking lawn mowers from tool sheds but a wealthy celebrity kills a man by virtue of his own self-induced recklessness and he gets less time than most homeless guys get for trespassing.

The whole system is broken.