Now that we are done with our April fools ballyhoo, we can move on to more serious events.
Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth was charged by arrest warrant with DUI manslaughter and DUI. His blood alcohol level was reported to be .126, and .08 is the legal limit, even in South Beach. Chris Lyons and Dan Lurvey for the defense.
Speaking of DUI, here's the link to the rocket scientist arrested for DUI while driving his homemade "bar stool" scooter. Kile Wygle, the defendant, is why most of us have more job security than the average american.
And speaking of rocket scientists, here's the NY Times link to the article in which the conviction of then Senator Ted Stevens was vacated and dismissed because the prosecutors didn't turn over exculpatory notes of interviews with witnesses.
It turns out the prosecution's star witness told them he did about 80 bucks of work on Steven's home, instead of the 80 billion he testified to. And what were our bastions of truth and justice doing while their witness gave false testimony? The prosecutors just sat there with those blank faces the DOJ requires them to wear when they are listening to perjury. They didn't tell the defense, they didn't turn over their exculpatory notes, they didn't tell the court-they did nothing.
And now they lost their case, their conviction, and most likely their careers.
There's a lesson out there for all you new prosecutors.
When you have a big case.
And your witness lies.
And you know about.
Remember what brought Nixon down, and for goodness sakes destroy the notes/tapes/exculpatory evidence, before you get caught.
And speaking of coverups, here's the Herald article earlier in the week on the 2004 police shooting case that ASA Ranck was removed from. Memo to State Attorney Fernandle- it's been five years, do something....anything. Just come back from vacation for a few hours and make a decision.
See You in Court.
take the DOJ prosecutor's hiring quiz:
So You Wanna be an AUSA?: (Excerpts printed without permission of the DOJ)
Q 16) Ethics: Your witness tells you that the defense attorney has contacted him and offered him money to change his testimony. You should A)Immediately tape all phone calls of the defense attorney; B) Immediately indict the defense attorney and seize all his files; C) Proceed cautiously and notify your superior and attempt to obtain an independent source who can verify the allegations.
Q 22- Trial Tactics:
In a high profile prosecution, you sit and watch while your star witness exaggerates his testimony, in contradiction of what he previously told you. You should: A) Sit quietly. After all, it's up to the jury and not you. (answer approved by Mike Satz, Broward State Attorney.) B) Destroy your notes and disavow any knowledge of the perjury; C) Immediately turn over your notes to the defense, and request a short delay in the case while you review your options with your supervisor.
If you answered "C" to any question, the Department of Justice appreciates your interest in working for us, but recommends you consider other interesting and exciting careers like National Park Ranger. If you answered A or B, or better, "both A and B", then you're the type of guy or gal we're looking for.