Maybe somebody should talk to Uncle Scrooge Farina? You would think his treatment of Clerk Cratchit would merit some intervention.
Chief Judge (CJ): Who is that?
JCP: I am the Judge of Christmas past.
JCP: Yes it is I, retired Judge Rick Margolius.
CJ: I thought you were in Panama?
JCP: I am, but you are asleep, and this is a parody, so stop being so damn technical for once in your life and play along, will you?
JCP: Look- look at all those poor lawyers picking juries and trying cases on Christmas Eve. Look- there is former Judge Goodhart giving that Judge a paper bag,
CJ: Isn’t that nice? Although we don’t allow Christmas presents these days.
JCP: That’s not a present. That’s a bribe so he won’t have to work on Christmas Eve. Don’t you remember, in Courtbroom Goodhart was the bagman? Now look, see that poor Public Defender? She doesn’t earn enough to pay that Judge, so she has to pick a jury on Christmas Eve, all because you won’t close the courts.
CJ: Wait a second. That’s Gelber’s courtroom. He never tried any cases.
JCP: Work with me here. This is a fable designed to illustrate certain concepts. Plus, I can write about Gelber accepting bribes, because he was convicted of it.
CJ: It is kind of sad. I never realized what was going on.
JCP: You should have spent more time in criminal court.
CJ:Yeah, but have you seen my new office at the Family Court house? Once you fly first class, its too hard to go back to coach.
JCP:I’m outta here.
(fade to a cloudy interlude)
CJ: Who are you?
JCN: I am the Judge of Christmas present. (JCN for Judge of Christmas Now)
CJ: But who are you?
JCN: Well I can’t really say. Have you seen what the Bar’s doing to Conway in Broward?
JCN:Look at that –
CJ: Oh my word! That’s a 98 page felony calendar! Those poor PD’s and ASA’s.
JCN: And that’s what will be happening next Monday.
CJ: Why is that calendar so long?
JCN:Don’t you read the blog? The lawyers make fun of this Judge’s inability to handle his calendar. Actually, this calendar is short by his standards.
CJ: And now he’s going to do a motion to suppress? But he hasn’t finished arraignments. And look- that lawyer just has one arraignment and needs to get home. He won’t call him out of turn before the motion! Oh, stop it , stop it. I can’t bear to look. What can I do?
JCN: Well, for one you can send Schumacher to take over his calendar. He moves fast and calls anyone out of turn the second you walk into his courtroom. Now I have to go….
(fade to cloudy interlude)
CJ:Who are you?
JCF: I am the Judge of Christmas future.
CJ: David Pecki…?
JCF: Shhssh…don’t blow it. I really think this is my time. I gotta get one of those two slots. But never mind me. Look…This is Christmas next year.
CJ: Christmas is the middle of the week. Why…it's that same Judge as before.
JCF: Well, he’s trying to. But as you can see, he’s not very efficient with his time. Look at all those potential jurors just sitting there on Christmas Eve. And that same PD.She’s missing her second Christmas in a row with her family.
CJ: I can’t take it anymore. Stop it. Stop it. What can I do?.
JCF: Wait- look at this:
This is a ceremony in 2015. There is a new Chief Judge. And look, there is a plaque honoring you.
CJ: Why are they placing it in the Men's Room of Hialeah Branch Court? And that’s not a plaque, its just a piece of paper. And it’s torn. Why are they so angry at me?
JCF: Because you made them all work during Christmas.
CJ: Oh, I can’t bear a future like that. Judge King got a courthouse named after him. All I get is a piece of paper in a Hialeah Men’s room? What can I do?
JCF: During the week of Christmas, you can open just one or two divisions in criminal court staffed by retired volunteer Judges to handle arraignments and emergency motions. And you can let everyone else have the week off.
“Wake up. Wake up.”
CJ: Huh. What? Oh my. I just had the worst dream. Rick Margolius was in it. And so was Gelber and Goodhart. And those calendars on Christmas Eve and the Men's room in Hialeah had my name on it. It was horrible. I’m going to change everything.
"Many laughed to see this alteration in him, but he let them laugh and little heeded them. His own heart laughed and that was quite enough for him. And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well if any man alive possessed the knowledge."