Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Does anybody realize that courts are open Monday December 24th AND Wednesday December 26th?
Maybe somebody should talk to Uncle Scrooge Farina? You would think his treatment of Clerk Cratchit would merit some intervention.

In fact…….

Chief Judge (CJ): Who is that?
JCP: I am the Judge of Christmas past.
CJ: Rick?
JCP: Yes it is I, retired Judge Rick Margolius.
CJ: I thought you were in Panama?
JCP: I am, but you are asleep, and this is a parody, so stop being so damn technical for once in your life and play along, will you?
CJ: Ok.
JCP: Look- look at all those poor lawyers picking juries and trying cases on Christmas Eve. Look- there is former Judge Goodhart giving that Judge a paper bag,

CJ: Isn’t that nice? Although we don’t allow Christmas presents these days.
JCP: That’s not a present. That’s a bribe so he won’t have to work on Christmas Eve. Don’t you remember, in Courtbroom Goodhart was the bagman? Now look, see that poor Public Defender? She doesn’t earn enough to pay that Judge, so she has to pick a jury on Christmas Eve, all because you won’t close the courts.

CJ: Wait a second. That’s Gelber’s courtroom. He never tried any cases.
JCP: Work with me here. This is a fable designed to illustrate certain concepts. Plus, I can write about Gelber accepting bribes, because he was convicted of it.
CJ: It is kind of sad. I never realized what was going on.
JCP: You should have spent more time in criminal court.
CJ:Yeah, but have you seen my new office at the Family Court house? Once you fly first class, its too hard to go back to coach.
JCP:I’m outta here.

(fade to a cloudy interlude)

CJ: Who are you?
JCN: I am the Judge of Christmas present. (JCN for Judge of Christmas Now)
CJ: But who are you?
JCN: Well I can’t really say. Have you seen what the Bar’s doing to Conway in Broward?
CJ: Yeah.
JCN:Look at that –
CJ: Oh my word! That’s a 98 page felony calendar! Those poor PD’s and ASA’s.
JCN: And that’s what will be happening next Monday.
CJ: Why is that calendar so long?
JCN:Don’t you read the blog? The lawyers make fun of this Judge’s inability to handle his calendar. Actually, this calendar is short by his standards.
CJ: And now he’s going to do a motion to suppress? But he hasn’t finished arraignments. And look- that lawyer just has one arraignment and needs to get home. He won’t call him out of turn before the motion! Oh, stop it , stop it. I can’t bear to look. What can I do?
JCN: Well, for one you can send Schumacher to take over his calendar. He moves fast and calls anyone out of turn the second you walk into his courtroom. Now I have to go….

(fade to cloudy interlude)

CJ:Who are you?
JCF: I am the Judge of Christmas future.
CJ: David Pecki…?
JCF: Shhssh…don’t blow it. I really think this is my time. I gotta get one of those two slots. But never mind me. Look…This is Christmas next year.
CJ: Christmas is the middle of the week. Why…it's that same Judge as before.
Now his calendar is 120 pages…and…and….is that a jury he is picking?
JCF: Well, he’s trying to. But as you can see, he’s not very efficient with his time. Look at all those potential jurors just sitting there on Christmas Eve. And that same PD.She’s missing her second Christmas in a row with her family.

CJ: I can’t take it anymore. Stop it. Stop it. What can I do?.
JCF: Wait- look at this:
This is a ceremony in 2015. There is a new Chief Judge. And look, there is a plaque honoring you.

CJ: Why are they placing it in the Men's Room of Hialeah Branch Court? And that’s not a plaque, its just a piece of paper. And it’s torn. Why are they so angry at me?
JCF: Because you made them all work during Christmas.
CJ: Oh, I can’t bear a future like that. Judge King got a courthouse named after him. All I get is a piece of paper in a Hialeah Men’s room? What can I do?

JCF: During the week of Christmas, you can open just one or two divisions in criminal court staffed by retired volunteer Judges to handle arraignments and emergency motions. And you can let everyone else have the week off.

“Wake up. Wake up.”

CJ: Huh. What? Oh my. I just had the worst dream. Rick Margolius was in it. And so was Gelber and Goodhart. And those calendars on Christmas Eve and the Men's room in Hialeah had my name on it. It was horrible. I’m going to change everything.

"Many laughed to see this alteration in him, but he let them laugh and little heeded them. His own heart laughed and that was quite enough for him. And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep Christmas well if any man alive possessed the knowledge."


Anonymous said...

Which JA got busted very recently for DUI and tried to drop judge names to get out of it?

Anonymous said...

Farina would need to run that by the Chief Justice. But Farina already gives several "discretionary" holidays because of Miami-Dade's large Jewish population.

In any event, the real question is whether any judges will actually show up December 24 and December 31. The answer for most is likely "no".

Anonymous said...

They should be required to show up. Typical government mentality. Give someone a day off (Xmas and New Year) and somehow that translates into an expectation that you will get more days off as a matter of right. Why not just take the last two weeks of the year off completely. Try doing that in private practice.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I guess I don't know, is December 24 a holiday of some sort? Why should we be given a day off?

Sentinel said...

good dialogue but it pays to little attention to those poor unfortunate ASAs who after picking a jury have to stay even later to prep calendar for the 26th...

Rumpole said...

I have not and will continue to refuse to post the untrue pleadings designed to embarass a Judge. It is a motion to recuse, and by all acounts it is written by a lunatic and I will not post any details about it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you judge Miranda for setting a sounding calendar on December 26th.

Non-Lawyer said...

sentinel: I don't think anyone will be picking juries on December 24 or December 31. Can't wait to hear which judges are doing so.

Anonymous said...

What do the following words have in common and how do they relate to a tangential current local event?


drug companies

US Atty from another state

If you do not know, the answer is more than a year away.

Anonymous said...


Love your Christmas tale!

An Old Barrister

Rumpole said...

4:59 PM. Would that be the oxycontin case in Virginia that the major phramaceutical company hired Rudy Guilani to put the kibash on and he couldn't do it? The company paid +600 million in fines for mislabeling the product and minimizing its addictive nature, and the top two officials pled to misdemeanors.

Anonymous said...

Hey all you judge bashers:

What about jerkoff PDs and private lawyers that file NOEs so the 15th day is on about the week of Xmas and New Year? Is that the judge's fault too?

Anonymous said...

Thanks to the FACDL for putting on a nice luncheon today. Markus and Al Krieger were great!

Please tell me the JA.. said...

Anonymous said...
Which JA got busted very recently for DUI and tried to drop judge names to get out of it?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007 9:39:00 AM

I give up WHO!!!

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the Florida Supreme Court docket on John Thomson and his fling with the bar. Oh me not only was he sanctioned in Federal court for attaching porno to his pleadings it appears the following was said by the great justices of Florida Supreme Court:

"...Additionally, the Court notes that respondent has attached inappropriate and pornographic materials to his petitions that are irrelevant to his arguments. Respondent is warned that should he continue to submit such inappropriate filings, the Court will consider imposing sanctions which may include, but are not limited to, a limitation on Respondent's ability to submit further filings without the signature of an attorney other than himself."

John just give it up.

Anonymous said...

From 4:59 to Rumpole:

Not even close. I promise. But when it happens the sound will reverberate throughout Miami.

the trialmaster said...

what a wacko. i dount this ass had ever tried a case to a jury. how did he make a living? he should be committed.