UKRAINE

 UKRAINE is holding on. If you took Ukraine +26, you're still in the game. 

Are we correct that Ukraine has the same colors as the U of Michigan? 

Did Putin's raising of his nuclear readiness status spook you? 

Aren't you glad that we have an experienced President who knew how to diffuse the situation and not take the bait? 

The banking sanctions cut off Putin/Russia from about 600 billion in reserves his has in banks overseas. We would be willing to take that freezing/forfeiture case for a reduction (slight) from our normal 33% that we charge to unfreeze and recover funds. 

Do you feel ANY pride that the current nominee to the Supreme Court has a strong Miami connection? We are not feeling it.  

Do you think she will be confirmed? 

If confirmed, do you think the confirmation hearings would have been different/worse if she was to give the so-called Liberal Wing of the Court a majority? 

BTW- the Liberal Wing of the Supreme Court are those justices that affirm warrantless search and seizures under the "inevitable discovery doctrine" as opposed to carving our yet another exception to that piece if Swiss Cheese that is called the Fourth Amendment. 

JAC ATTACK

 Many commentators on the blog are chatting about this NBC Six story: attorneys billing millions of dollars over the last decade for court appointed death penalty work. 

We first note that if an attorney was paid two million dollars over ten years, that's 200K a year and not an outrageous amount. 

We next note that our State Attorney withheld no shots, kicking and kicking again the attorneys who are accused of over billing. These are good lawyers who are zealous advocates on the worst types of cases, and they fight the Dade SAO as hard as possible defending their clients. 

We think it unseemly that Ms. Rundle has attacked these lawyers, effectively helping to prevent these experienced lawyers from getting appointed on new cases where they do not roll over and just plead their clients to the death penalty. 

The Dade SAO has a much bigger role in the problems of these death penalty cases. For example, did you know that 

1) The Dade SAO has a POLICY of asking for death on almost every death eligible case. THEN, they spend the next two years deciding if they really want the death penalty. Don't you think it should be the other way around? That they should treat the decision to seek death with the serious and solemn thoughtfulness that such a decision should entail? Instead, they automatically seek death, which automatically results in the appointment of two lawyers billing taxpayers, and then the SAO asks the defense to convince them why they should not seek death.  And now Ms. Rundle complains that lawyers are billing for the work they caused?? Really??? Shame on her. 

2) It takes an average of MORE THAN SIX MONTHS for a lead detective's report in a homicide case to be completed and released (many times it is more than a year). During that interregnum after arraignment the case sits while everyone waits for the lead's report. And yet Ms. Rundle complains in the article about how long it takes to resolve these cases.  If you want to shave a year off the process, kick your detectives in the ass and tell them to write up their report. And while you're at it, tell them to NOT DESTROY THEIR NOTES. What exactly are they afraid of are in those notes that require them to destroy them? 

And finally, this. The article is an embarrassment to our profession. Those lawyers, colleagues all, should know better. Nobody should bill 24 hours in a day. Even Rumpole sleeps 8-9 hours a day. No one should bill 355 days a year on the same case. Rumpole vacations for two months in the summer, and the winter ski trip, not to mention spring sabbaticals. No one should bill hundreds of hours listening to jail calls- bills that take up six and seven months of a year, 12 hours a day, seven days a week. 

It is very easy to get practice software that tracks legal work and billing. Handwritten records won't do. Get an APP. 

The public already doesn't believe these people charged with these crimes should get a defense. This type of billing makes it worse. And what makes it really really bad is that apparently ONLY MIAMI LAWYERS are the ones whose bills are being flagged for this. 

Ouch.  These lawyers are all good and decent people -we know most of them and the quality of their legal work- one name we didn't recognize- they are very good criminal defense attorneys. The clients and the courts lose out on their effective representations because of their sloppy billing. 

What a mess. 

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND

UPDATE 1 OF 2

Miami's own Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson has been nominated to write minority dissents as a justice on the United States Supreme Court (Motto: "Never political, always to the right."). Republicans called her the second coming of Marx (Karl not Harpo) and a radical left leaning judge who advocates the use of Sharia law and participates in pizza/child porn parties with other Washington left elitists. 

Judge Brown-Jackson will be the first former federal public defender to serve on the bench. While Justice Marshall was a renown criminal defense attorney, we don't think he was a Federal PD. 

UPDATE 2 OF 2 

Miami's Mayor ends mask mandates. NO MORE MASKS IN COURT. Feel free to go to court and get Covid. 

If you received vaccines and a booster you can try and get those reversed. Covid was a big misunderstanding, we apologize for the inconvenience. Go about your business and feel free to sneeze on one another. 

On a positive note, more people dying of Covid means less cars on the road. Less traffic. Less carbon emissions. Everyone (who survives) wins. 

You want to know who Rumpole is? We will be the last person on earth wearing a mask. That's who we are. 

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE AN ENGLAND

As war rages in Ukraine, we are reminded of the words of King George VI, as London and all of England fell under attack of the Nazi Luftwaffe in the fall of 1940.  As the Blitz intensified, King George VI and Queen Elisabeth walked daily through the wreckage of London, talking with the subjects. 

But though bowed, the British remained unbroken, and in the process stood alone against the evil of the last century.  Their courage as they stood alone reminds us of the power of the human spirit. Evil and aggression will not prevail. 

"As in London so throughout Great Britain buildings rich in beauty and historic interest may be wantonly attacked and humble homes no less dear and familiar may be destroyed. "But 'there'll always be an England' to stand before the world as a symbol and a citadel of freedom."

King George VI

It's a spring weekend. Enjoy it until summer and humidity arrives in a few days. 

WAR

UPDATE:

Many of the comments have asked, correctly, what would Rumpole have done and do now? Of course we have the solutions. 

John Von Neuman along with Oskar Morgenstern in their ground-breaking Game Theory book decided that Poker was the best example of a game subject to game theory analysis because like many real-life scenarios, Poker involved a game of incomplete information in a zero sum game (only one player takes the pot 99% of the time). 

Poker has been subject to millions of hours of simulations and analysis. And the result is the emergence of a near optimum strategy. That strategy involves heightened aggression. Being the lead in a hand. Raising not calling. Dictating the terms. When raised, fold or re-raise. Rarely call. Place the decision back to the opponent. 

Biden and the West have ignored those lessons. Having developed the (incomplete) information that Russia was probably going to attack Ukraine- call that the bet by Putin, Biden and the West called. They threatened sanctions. They formed coalitions. And then they waited for Putin to make the next move. He did. First sending troops into the breakaway republics- call it another raise, and again the West called- imposing more sanctions. The calls didn't work. The sanctions and threats of sanctions did not stop Russia. 

The strategy of responding to aggression with measured responses never works with nation states. We are seeing it now. We saw it in 1938 and 1939. What we saw that worked was what England did in 1940. Having just barely rescued its Army from France, England did not surrender. England did not threaten sanctions. England attacked. They sent bombers to Germany and it's Army to North Africa, handling the Germans their first defeat in Egypt at El-Alamein. 

So what should have been done here for Ukraine? NATO should have immediately admitted Ukraine. NATO troops should have been moved to the borders as trip wires. And Ukraine should have preemptively attacked the massing Russian forces. Tanks were on railroads. Troops were being flown into airports. The railroads should have been disabled with air and missile attacks. Airport runways should have been bombed. In short, Ukraine, protected by NATO, should have raised. Attacked Russian transportation structure and put the onus on Putin and Russia to respond. 

Sun Tzu advised to choose the battlefield. We do that all the time as defense attorneys. The state has DNA? Defend the crime as consensual- choosing the battlefield of consent and not DNA as the area to fight on. 

Crimea's airfields and train depots and its electronic infrastructure should have been attacked and shut down. Make Putin call the raise. He didn't need casus belli- he showed that last night when he invaded Ukraine without provocation- unless you believe his Trumpian claim that he is interested in outing Nazis from the Ukrainian government (whose president is Jewish). 

That's what POTUS Rumpole would have done. 

WAR. What is it good for? 

Absolutely nothing. 

Say it again. 

War has begun. 

Russia has invaded Ukraine, a peaceful and sovereign and democratic country. 

The Western countries and alliances have promised ....brace yourself....SANCTIONS!

Oh boy. Talk about getting tough. 

See our prior post. 

"Democracies have failed again to protect a small democratic nation from aggressors." 

Shame on us. 

All those politicians who belittled British appeasement of the 1930s towards Germany....where are they now? 

All those people who would smugly say that those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them...where are they now? 

You do not...repeat...you do not defeat dictators with sanctions. 

Sanctions will never work. 

Dictators who use force, only understand force. When your neighbor's house is on fire you do not offer to sell her a hose. You put out the fire. 

The world has been watching for some time. 

So is history. 

THE LESSONS OF FINLAND

 In 1939, soon after having signed a peace treaty with Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union attacked Finland as Germany invaded Poland. The Finns however were brutal fighters, with small squads of winter soldiers on skis swooping in and attacking larger Russian units. The Finns held out until the spring, begging for help from the West all the while. Once the winter snows melted, Stalin renewed his assault on the small country. The exhausted Finns were unable to hold out against the endless supply of Soviet troops. On March 12, 1940, Finland surrendered.

King George VI, he of the now "King's Speech" fame, and an underrated hero of the 20th century, wrote this in this diary the next day:

 "The Finns surrender has come as a shock to us. And I am sure it will be said that democracies have failed again to protect a small nation against the power of aggression." 

This week Russian invaded Ukraine. And besides some sanctions, which are like a used tissue as a roadblock against tanks, and the prior President calling the invasion "Brilllant", nothing has been done. 

The more things change, the more they remain the same. 

PRONOUNS

 We are too old to understand, but when we see Twitter accounts and emails ending with pronouns, we are not sure why they are necessary. 

BUT that being said, would we be correct in saying that since our first post when we assumed the "Royal We" are we correct in saying that our pronouns are 

WE, US, OURS? 

If people need to announce their pronouns, shouldn't they also announce their blood type? 

"She, her, hers, O+"

"OMG, Heidy has been in a horrible traffic accident. She's in the hospital and needs blood. Let me check her Twitter and see her, hers, blood type."

Wouldn't that save more lives? 

And once we have safety covered, shouldn't politics and vaccine status be also required besides pronouns. 

"We have a meeting with Mr. Dewey of Dewey Cheetum and Howe for lunch. Hmm, on LinkedIn it's He, Him, Blood Type B, he's had his vaccines and boosters, and he thinks Biden stole the election. Make a note not to mention Georgia or Arizona or Pennsylvania in the meeting please."

And there's more. 

She, Her, Blood Type O-, Triple vax'd, Biden Won, Fauci told the truth, No Fish, moderately high blood pressure, no foreign films, been to Disney, Eagles Fan, Cheesesteak wit, American Airlines' Frequent Flyer, Uber over Lyft, no fan of the designated hitter rule, divorced twice, prefer missionary, cannabis gummies only, masks, diet sprite, decafe only, DiMaggio over Williams, Brady Cheated, Tex Mex rules, don't get Johnny Depp, Kim K should go back to Ye and leave Pete, Breaking Bad over Sopranos, Disney+, Tesla owner, Eth over Polygon, Burger King over McDonalds, NY Style over Deep Dish, Steinbeck over Hemingway, Berlin over Paris,  ....and on and on. 

Whatever happened to first and last names? 

Spare us the "insensitive blockhead" emails. We embrace all people, cultures, races, sexual preferences and identities, just not Bill Belichick and Hollywood blockbusters and Judges who vary upward after trial.

LIFE GOES ON

 Football season is over. The very mediocre super bowl is finished. DOM is besides himself with excitement over who President Biden will choose for the Supreme Court. Pitchers and catchers report soon, and life goes on. 

Have you seen some of the federal courtrooms, outfitted with plexiglass barriers? It reminds us of the good old days when one courtroom on the third floor of the Old Gray Lady (REGJB) was known as "the security courtroom" and had a bulletproof barrier between the audience and the rest of the courtroom. We recall the late, great, Judge Phil Knight sitting in that courtroom for years, presiding over the lowest docket because he got into work around 6am and reviewed the calendar, the files, and read all the motions before court started. Trials usually began well before 10 am. Other judges groused that the "blind clerk" favoured Judge Knight and cooked the books by assigning him less cases. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Now we have top security at the entrance to the courthouses, stopping people from entering federal court with camera phones and other weapons. But no amount of security can stop a microscopic airborne virus, so we need masks and barriers.

Life goes on.

SUPER BOWL 56

 It's on! Super Bowl Sunday. A day of eating nachos, drinking beer, and watching commercials with celebrities who never appear in commercials. Jay Leno and David Letterman and Oprah? They've done one. Snoop Dog? Yeah. Rumpole? Not yet. 

The Captain has challenged us to a bet. The loser writes a check to the Innocence Project. It's on. But he needs to understand the bet. We have been proclaiming for a week to bet the Bengals +170 money line, which means no points (the Rams are favoured by 5). Instead, a $100 on the Bengals returns $170 when they win. It cost the Captain $200 when the Rams lose. 

Now that that is out of the way, let's look at some fun prop bets before getting to the all-important coin toss:

The Over/Under is 48.5. The natural inclination is to bet over. Some of the top pro gamblers we know love the under. We do not have a strong feeling about this, but we are going with a small under bet. 

Bengals RB Joe Mixon over 58.5 yards, -115 (bet 115 to win 100. Note every bet comes with a 10% vig, so the standard $100 bet always costs $110). 

Bengals QB Joe Burrow rushing over 10.5 yards -120. 

Rams WR Cooper Kupp (who was instrumental on Rumpole winning the REGJB fantasy football league this year) scoring a TD.  -155.  WIN

Joe Burrow scoring a rushing TD- you can get +4000 from the MGM app. Book it!

Successful two-point conversion. +250. 

Will there be an overtime. We think not, but there have been so many this year in the playoffs that the +950 looks nice and juicy. 

Super Bowl MVP- Joe Burrow +225. 

Will Matthew Stafford Throw an INT? -165. We love this one. He has a tendency to do this in big games. WIN

Will Stafford throw a pick 6? This is a hard line to find. Anything over +750 is worth $100.  Brooklyn Al, who took over the book for our dear departed friend 52nd Street Irwin tells us that he's had some calls on the prop, but no action because he won't offer more than +250 and won't book the bet over $500. 

Will Bengals phenom rookie kicker Evan McPherson kick the game winning FG?  +500. Will it be in OT? +1500. This could pay for our next Vegas excursion. 

Also take Bengals over 1.5 field goals for the game at -150 and that Evan Ice will kick the longest field goal of the game +105. 

Inside scoop you won't get on Mr. Markus's blog: Vegas sports book Circa has a reputation for booking exotic sports bet. They listed at 3000-1 odds that McPherson would run in for a TD on a fake field goal. And they had a taker at much more than the standard $100 bet. They booked the bet and now Circa has admitted that no matter what else takes place, if McPherson runs one in, they are "going to get clobbered".  Based on that bet, Circa lowered the odds to 750-1. Three years ago, Circa had seven figures on their sheet with people taking at 200-1 the prop that there would be no TD in the super bowl. They sweated that one out until the 4th Quarter when the Cheaters finally scored one against the Rams in a 13-3 snoozer. 

For quarter-by-quarter odds we like Rams -3 first half -105; Bengals +3 second half -115.

Will there be a second half lead change? Yes +130. 

COIN TOSS: NEW ADDITION 

The Rams are playing at home. But this is the year that the NFC is the visiting team so the Rams will call the toss. Will the Rams lose the toss, whatever they call? YES -105.  WIN

There are some weather changes in LA that we are factoring into the final few million sims that our computer is running today, so for now we are holding off on what otherwise looks like a strong call for one of the two sides. Stay tuned.  

An increase in the anticipated temperature at game time caused a slight fluctuation in our calculations but we now have the coin toss locked and ready to go. We will tweet our pick around 620 PM @justicebuilding

TAILS NEVER FAILS!  loss

SB TRIVIA. We will be tweeting SB trivia @justicebuilding during the game. But try this one on for size. It's pretty hard.  This hall of famer played in a super bowl next to another hall of famer who had a 4th quarter INT in a super bowl. The hall of  famer who did not make the INT  has THREE CONNECTIONS to this game. To get the player, you have to name the connections. For example, it could be he played on the Rams or Bengals in a prior super bowl, or against the Rams or Bengals, or played in LA, or played a super bowl in LA, or his name matches a current player, or his number somehow has an association with the game, or he is associated somehow with one of the teams. HINT- ONE OF THE ASSOCIATIONS IS THAT HE WAS NUMBER 56

Name a movie shot in Miami in which the Super Bowl is featured? Hint, a young Rumpole was an extra in this movie. BLACK SUNDAY

Name at least three teams who won a super bowl after losing a super bowl. 

Name the president who called the locker room during a super bowl to suggest a play to the coach. NIXON CALLED WASHINGTON COACH GEORGE ALLEN 

Name the group widely considered to be the worst super bowl half time show. UP WITH PEOPLE IN MIAMI

Which QB(s) has/have the second most SB appearances (TB12 has the most). 

Which famous LA star was Joe Montana caught on camera and mike eyeing and talking about on the sidelines of a super bowl? JOHN CANDY

 

JUDGE MARIO GODERICH HAS PASSED AWAY

 

Judge Mario Goderich, who sat in the REGJB in its heyday, and on the 3rd DCA for fifteen years has passed away. 

Judge Goderich was, amongst many attributes, a true gentleman. Never a harsh word from him. He was studious, and kind, and dignified, and the epitome of a Judge. We tried many a case before Judge Goderich in the REGJB. He was one of our favourites, for good reason, and we were not alone in our admiration for him. 

There are many more attributes about Judge Goderich, including being one of the first Cuban born appellate judges in Florida. His 3rd DCA bio is here,    It is well worth a read. He graduated law school from the University of Havana and was a practising attorney in Cuba until things went south and he and his family had to come to the US, where he started all over again.  But we will leave all of those to others to post in the comments section. 

We choose to remember him as a gentleman. Unfailingly polite. Hardworking. The kind of judicial temperament that someone is born with. 

A true judge in every sense of the word, and a man who made Miami-Dade County better for all of us for serving on the bench. We have missed him since his well earned retirement in 2005.   

NEVER GIVE UP

 DOM's blog nails the heartwarming story of Lindsey Jacobellis the best snowboard cross racer in the world. In the 2006 Olympics, seconds away from the gold medal, she did a little showboating on the last jump, fell, and came in second. In subsequent Olympics Jacobellis failed to medal for various reasons. On Thursday in China, now age 36, Jacobellis nailed it, got redemption, excised the ghosts of her past, and won her gold medal. A true feel-good Olympics story if there ever was one. 

Meanwhile the question on everyone's mind is not who is going to win the Super Bowl (The Bengals.. Skip the points, take the +170 money line), but will Rumpole keep his incredible streak of predicting the coin toss alive? 

The answer is of course we will. We have analyzed the weather, the dew point at 6 PM in Los Angeles, the anticipated barometric pressure, the wind, the relative coin toss strength of the tosser  (RCTST (c) Rumpole 2022, all rights reserved), the humidity, the size of the coin and the weight, and run all of those variables in a computer simulation which is, at this writing, is at over 16 million results. The Sim will run until late Sunday afternoon. But even at this preliminary stage, there is a strong preference for one side of the coin, which we will reveal on Sunday afternoon. Until then, take all your available cash, sell your Bitcoin and Eth, and put it all on the striped Cats from Cincy to win the big one. 

NEW FEDERAL COURTHOUSE IN BROWARD

 DOM has all the news on the new federal courthouse in Broward, from the dimensions to the menu in the "Upward Variance Venue Cafe" where Beyond Meat Burgers will be sold to help with those "beyond belief" sentences. 

Here are all the fun things you can do in the new courthouse: 

Go to trial; take a plea; research a case in the law library.

Here are all the things you cannot do in the new federal courthouse: take a picture, and if you do not have a Bar Card, bring in a phone. 

As near as we can figure, here are the things federal judges are worried about (in order of importance): 

1) SOMEONE TAKING A PICTURE IN THEIR COURTHOUSE;

2) Global warming; 

3) Putin invading Ukraine;

4) Chinese oppression of minorities;

5) Continuances of trials beyond 45 days;

6) another Covid variant; 

7) inflation; 

8) The heartbreak of psoriasis; 

Just what is their problem? It is easier to take a picture of the Mona Lisa  👩 in the Louvre than snap a picture of a pillar in a federal court. 

"Put your hands up and stand away from the camera. Now take three steps back and lie on the ground. Do not make me shoot you."

Here's how we imagine the security briefing for the chief judge going with the US Marshals:

USM: This week your honor, we confiscated five knives, eight lighters, one bb gun, and one camera phone at the security checkpoint. 

Judge: A CAMERA PHONE? A CAMERA PHONE? Why wasn't I notified right away? You know the procedure. If you confiscate a thermonuclear weapon, we need to notify the International Atomic Energy Agency within thirty days. But if you confiscate a camera phone, we need to go on immediate lockdown, close all the courtrooms, and send armed marshals into chambers to stand guard. 

Other than having perpetual bad hair days, can someone explain to us their fear of cameras? 

70

 Queen Elizabeth the Second celebrates her 70th year on the throne of England this Sunday. It's called the Platinum Jubilee and we are all in on the celebrations including our purchase of this piece of unusual memorabilia:

(jubilee is spelled wrong but an Inverted Jenny this is not)

The Queen has met with every British Prime Minister since Winston Spencer Churchill and every US President since she assumed the throne BUT ONE. 

Trivia: which POTUS did not meet QEII? (hint- it's not the last one). And don't be technical, she is meeting with J Biden this weekend for tea. 

Some fun facts: 

Royal protocol prohibits the monarch from eating anything with her fingers except afternoon tea.  Which means that she eats a hamburger (no bun for her), bananas, pineapples, and grapes with a knife and fork just the way George Costanza ate a Snickers Bar. 

Check back over the weekend for more fun QEII facts including Rumpole's life long obsession to become an OBE. 

PROSECUTING POLITICAL SPEECH

The Federalist Papers are a series of articles published in newspapers, and essays, authored by John Jay, James Madison, and Alexander Hamilton (pre-Broadway musical days for you robed readers), debating the parameters of the soon to be US Constitution.  

On Tuesday in Miami, Jonathan Guerra Blanco, was sentenced to 16 years In Federal Court in a plea deal before Judge Scola for producing and promoting ISIS propaganda and promotional materials. 

There is something that bothers us about that. 

There is no defense of ISIS. THIS IS NO DEFENSE OF ISIS (so spare us your emails and diatribes against us in the comments). But it seems to us that the better method is to not prosecute odious speech and propaganda because only the antiseptic light of day will kill the vile lies promoted by ISIS and supporters of POTUS 45.

We are a country founded by an asymmetric military made up of peasants and farmers fighting the strongest army on earth at that time (England). 

One could say our founders were a rag-tag band of terrorists fighting a colonial power. 

Israel, in the days before its founding, had bands of asymmetric fighters attacking the colonial English in Palestine. One of the leaders of what was clearly a terrorist organization- Irgun - was Menachem Begin, who later became Prime Minister and signed a peace treaty with Egypt. Begin and the Irgun studied other underground military organizations like the Irish underground's fight against the British. In order to forestall cries of antisemitism, we think Begin, Israel, the Irgun, and the Hagenah did exactly what they had the right to do, and needed to do, to bring Israel into existence.  

Our point is again not to defend ISIS. Their ideas and actions are reprehensible. But to question the methods of criminalizing the dissemination of ISIS propaganda. 

Because as we like to say, if they can stop a farmer from selling the wheat he grows (Wickard v. Fillburn),  if they can stop people disseminating speech because they do not like the content -certain government bureaucrats find it "dangerous"-  then what can't they do? 

The Chinese control their citizens' access to the internet. The Chinese government monitors chat rooms and internet-related discussion of ideas. Promote the wrong idea- freedom for Hong Kong for example- and you are prosecuted and sentenced to prison (there are nary any Mr. Markus's or Rumpoles in China). 

What makes what the US government did to Blanco any different than what China does to people who protest Hong Kong OTHER than the specific content of the ideas? 

And if you go down that road, then you agree there should be government content moderators who decide what speech is and is not a crime. Good luck with that. 

Ok, now go call Rumpole a "jew hating, ISIS loving ass&ole". 

 

A VERY BUSY TUESDAY

 Tuesday was a pretty busy day. 

In response to a fight among gang members in a federal facility in Beaumont, Texas:

FDC in Miami went on lockdown;

All federal prisons went on lockdown;

Tom Brady retired;

Miss Natalie canceled Art Time for her pre-school class in Miami Tater-Tots Pre-school;

The Washington Football team made a last-minute change in its new name. They will now be called "The Commanders" They had previously settled on MS13;

Former Miami Dolphins coach Brian Flores sued the NFL for racism, and alleged among other shocking things, that Miami Dolphins owner offered his $100,000 per loss in order to get the first draft pick two years ago (which was current Super Bowl Quarterback Joe Burrow, except if the Dolphins had the number one pick it would have been Punter Myron Schwartznaggle); 

Vladimir Putin gave a new conference and accused Costa Rica of threatening his country. He moved more troops to the Ukraine border in response; 

Bill Gates announced a modified tracking device for the Pfizer vaccine to be given to children under 5 - ("Not more lost children! Ever!!);

The City of Miami Beach vowed to arrest people who take videos of the beach and surf and ocean and sand:  "enough is enough with these video thugs";

The Dade County State Attorney's Office announced that for the remainder of 2022 all victims on all cases "want the max";

OH we almost Forgot. February 2- Happy Birthday 🎂Ayn Rand. 

FDC LOCKDOWN

 Put away those masks and gloves. Time to go for coffee and a bagel because if you were planning on going to FDC  (Motto: "You wanna see who???") Tuesday morning, you now have some free time because there is a lockdown. No entry. Do not pass go and do not get one of those locker keys to store your phone and car key. 

FDC, that behemoth block of granite that houses the broken and downtrodden and depressed, is closed for legal visits. 

Here are some fun facts about FDC.......

[THIS SPACE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK] 

That's right. There is nothing fun about FDC. 

Want to have some fun with them? Try bringing in a book. The next time you go, bring a copy of Catcher in The Rye or The Grapes of Wrath and see what they do. 

You can't bring in colored handkerchiefs, because they think it's a gang affiliation. 

The Government sends all discovery electronically. Want to bring in electronics to review it with your client? NO PROBLEM

Just get written permission from Justice Alito, the Pope, the attorney general, former attorney general Bill Barr, and some nameless, faceless bureaucrat that runs the FDC "legal department" whose voicemail has this outgoing message "Hi. Thanks for calling FDC legal. I am out for the 2011 July 4 weekend and will return on Tuesday and will get to your messages as soon as I can. You can message me on Compuserve if you need quicker assistance."

Yup, FDC- a full-service institution and a wonderful example of your tax dollars at work.