The football season has dwindled down to its final game: Next Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday. Most americans will spend the morning in their favourite house of worship, before solemnly settling down to four to six hours of lust, greed, gluttony, and over indulgence. But the mere fact that we seek the good lord's blessings before hand is what makes us a greater country than, say, a country run by Muslim extremists, who hmmm.....also seek the lord's blessing before engaging in any activity.
But.ummm....they have the wrong deity, so that makes us better. Right?
In the darkest days of the Civil War – a group of ministers went to see President Lincoln in the White House. The North was not doing well at the time.
One of the ministers asked Mr. Lincoln, "Is God on our side?"
The President replied:
"The question is not whether God is on our side. The question is whether we are on God's side."
Anyway, the end of the football season leaves a one day gap in our blog. Any individual who thinks they have something interesting to say, send us an email and we will give you a shot. Who knows, you may achieve the fame and fortune, not to mention the public adulation and the blogging groupies that have so enriched our life the past few years.
As long as you follow our simple rules, the blog will be yours on Sunday, to say and do what you want.
See You In Court, where our cross examinations often leaves the prosecution seeking Divine intervention.
Some New Yorker dyed his dog blue to support the winning team. Here is the interview with the dog:
ReplyDeleteMJD: Good morning, sir. I couldn't help but notice you're blue.
Blue Dog: You're a sharp one.
MJD: It doesn't sound like you're happy about this.
Blue Dog: Ya think so, pal? How would you like it if you woke up tomorrow morning and you were blue from head to toe? Come on, buddy. I freak out when I get those weird brown rings under my eyes, and I'm supposed to be happy when I'm turquoise? And thanks for that, by the way ... you dolts couldn't even get me a decent shade of blue. I gotta walk around here in freakin' pastels.
MJD: Yeah, that shade may be more appropriate for Easter.
Blue Dog: I'm not a bunny rabbit, either, douchebag.
MJD: Do you see any upside to the dying?
Blue Dog: At least they left my crotch white. That way, my tongue doesn't turn blue.
MJD: That's good. So, do you even like the Giants?
Blue Dog: The Giants? I don't even know who the hell they are. Who are these Giants people keep talking about? How damn big are they? 10 feet? 20 feet? Is that was all this Cloverfield nonsense is about?
MJD: No, they're not actual Giants. They're normal sized people. "Giants" is just the nickname for a football team.
Blue Dog: Oh, great ... that makes sense. Yeah, because dogs love football. I love it when they do that blitzing and the diving and the homeruns and stuff. Yeah, it's great ... hike me the pigskin and I'll dunk it.
MJD: You're not interested in football?
Blue Dog: I'M A DOG, BUDDY. I'm interested in meat, things that are made to look, taste or smell like meat, screwing with the cat, and licking myself. That's about as far as it goes.
MJD: Do you have any plans for the Super Bowl?
Blue Dog: Yeah, smart guy, I do. I'm gonna walk around at some idiot's Super Bowl party, and a bunch of morons are going to pet me and go, "Awww, look at you! You must love the Giants!" You know, like I had some choice in being blue. Before the party's over, though, I'm gonna bite a kid's finger off and pee on an old lady.
MJD: That actually doesn't sound like a bad party.
Blue Dog: You wanna come? You can come ... but if you show up without some industrial strength dog shampoo, I'm gonna pee on your foot.
MJD: I have other plans. Thanks for the time, though.
Blue Dog: Ah, shove it.
Rumpole, may I confess I am attracted to you?
ReplyDeleteI wake up in the early morning hours, and I can't sleep, and all I can think about it you. Then a few minutes later, I drift off to sleep, imagining that I am safe in your strong, tanned arms.
I am a court reporter. Mostly civil. A delicious mix of Asian and Latin (Venezuela!! muaahh).
Long jet black dark hair. About 5'10, and in great shape if I say so myself. I am 35, single, and I have had the unfortunate problem of a string of relationships with married men. But I want out of that self destructive pattern, and quite frankly, I WANT YOU!.
How can we hook up?
Your devoted fan,
So there's Huckabee. And McCain. And Guiliani. And what about Romney? I mean (chomp chomp) Mitt? Really now. (Smack smack). So I uhh..got to vote for one of these clowns. Tuesday it is. (Smack chomp). Perhaps a defense continuance to sort this all out?
ReplyDeleteRump, if I could pass on to your readers one piece of wisdom, as I relfect on my careeer as a prosecutor, it is something an old homicide detective told me he tells all the witnesses(and it's something he learned from George Costanza on Seinfeld)
ReplyDeleteJust remember: It's not a lie, if you believe it.
Thanks.
hands off Chyma. Rumpie's mine. All mine!
ReplyDeleteblue dog. stick to the bleachers. you are the equivalent of a man who sucked at sports, concentrated on school while watching and criticizing the athletes performance, and then went on to become a dr. lawyer investment banker etc. your piece was entertaining and well written however in the dog world you are the lap dog, the poodle, the prissy tiny chihuahua or bisson. now get out of the way, go beat up the cat while us rottweilers, german sheperds, mastiffs, bulldogs, belgian malinois(secret service dogs), rhodesian ridgeback, and great dane and dobermans and st.bernards kick some ass! woof there it is! who let the dogs out woof , woof, we let ourselves out you lazy owner bastard!
ReplyDeleteWho's cooler? Vic "vladamir putin" Vedmed or Joel "Clooney" Denaro or Fred "the machine" Moldovan or Alex "dis is bulsheet" Michaels?
ReplyDeletePoll please Rump de la Rump.
no poll needed 5:34. alex "blue tooth" michaels is the coolest, hands down.
ReplyDeleteOK Rump, quicke update:
ReplyDeleteyoung PD (28) nice Miami Beach apartment -great ocean view. My friends in West Palm set me up with this court reporter. 35- a bit short, but long blonde hair, I would say 36.24.36. She drove down from west palm. I made dinner (salmon terriaki and veggies) and we drank a really nice GSM and then did some tequilla shots (Padron) and now she's on my terrace looking at the ocean and said she had too much to drink to drive home. She's wearing a really short black skit and a almost sheer white shirt. She took off her heels a while ago. My friend in WPB just texted me that they call her "the man eater".
I'm going back in. Hopefully I recover to get to work Monday. Wish me luck.
Rumpole, you need to bring back the Sunday DUI power rankings.
ReplyDeleteGSM ???????????????
ReplyDeleteXXMERLOT ????????????????
Rosemount Estate Epicurean Collection GSM Grenache - Syrah - Mourvédre
ReplyDeleteAged for 18 months in American oak, this premium McLaren Vale wine typically combines the rich, spicy flavours of grenache (approximately 50%) with the opulent fruit of syrah (approximately 40%) and firm structure of mourvedre (approximately 10%). The long, perfumed finish with dusty soft tannins lingers in the mouth and promises up to 10 years cellaring potential.
oh where oh where could my rumpy be???
ReplyDeleteTo: Saturday, January 26, 2008 9:42:00 PM
ReplyDeleteDid you make it in (to work)?
Rumpole, bring back polls about hot ASA's, PD's, clerks and program staff members. Bring back the power rankings. Bring back unmoderated posts about ugly-cheating-thieving-doping-drinking-crazing-vicing judges, attorneys and other regulars of the REGJB without any kind of moderation and... YOUR BLOG WILL BE GREAT AGAIN!
ReplyDelete