TUESDAY NEWS AND NOTES

UPDATE:  "A SUSPICOUS PACKAGE" was located outside of the Federal Courthouse. However long time denizens of the REGJB recognized it for what it was- upon inspection the bomb squad found a MAGA hat and t-shirt, a dead chicken, and some white egg shell powder used in the santeria religion. 

DONT FORGET TO CHECK BACK IN AROUND 330 when we will have exclusive access to the transcript of THE ARRAIGNMENT (soon to be a six part series on Netflix). 

 As part of our continuing service to serve the community (and gently disparage those who wear black to work every day) we provide some insights on Tuesday in the South Florida legal community. 

Nothing out of the ordinary appears planned. 

Oh yeah, the former president of the United States is surrendering on yet another criminal indictment at the Wilkie Ferguson courthouse in downtown Miami (directly across from a garage that has a bunch of lawyers working at the top... weird right?).  Just another day in the Magic City. 

Anyway, the word is going out, very hush hush (do the judges have a whatsapp group? Boy would we pay for that number!!!) that almost all pending matters in the family and civil court house will be conducted via zoom. Jury trials on the very important PIP and first party insurance defense claims will be suspended if they are in progress, or delayed if they are starting or settled because that's what they do anyway.  Many state and county offices downtown are closing and telling employees to zoom in. 

The benefits of Covid for South Florida- we are all zoom ready. Thank you Covid19 and the Chinese Lab that released the virus at the request of Hillary Clinton and Hunter Biden!!! 

The Arraignment: Have some balls and don't waive reading. HA!   (yes we know tomorrow is the first appearance but still, give no ground in this defense. That's what we say). 

Next, the PRE TRIAL SERVICES REPORT . Who wants a copy? 

Maybe it will be this...

The defendant is a retired politician who owns various real estate ventures, the value of which he claims is mostly off-set by outstanding loans. He reports less than a million dollars in cash on hand. He lives in both South Florida and New Jersey. When asked about those properties he replied "they are the greatest properties anyone has ever seen. No one has ever seen properties this nice." 

Health: the defendant appears significantly overweight. However when questioned he responded that he was recently told by a doctor that he was perhaps the healthiest individual the doctor had ever seen in 30 years of medical practice. 

The defendant has been married multiple times. He stated each of his wives were "considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world" at the time he married them. 

Prior Record: The defendant currently is out on release in the State of New York and is an active target of a criminal investigation in Georgia. The defendant was recently found civilly liable for a sexual assault in New York. The defendant blamed all the pending and prior cases on prior lawyers he had hired, as well as the judges assigned to those cases.  

Risk of Flight:  🛫The defendant has a passport, an airplane capable of overseas travel and reported traveling within the last five years "all over the world, including North Korea."  The defendant claimed to have a personal and intimate relationship with the head of North Korea and remarked that they were "in love" and had exchanged numerous "love letters". The defendant also owns numerous properties around the world. Based on the defendant's admitted close and personal contact with the leader of North Korea, with which the United States does not have a mutual extradition treaty, along with his access to a private jet and numerous properties around the world, the defendant is a risk of flight. 

Danger to the community: The defendant is charged with possession of top-secret documents relating to national security, including but not limited to pentagon plans for the simultaneous invasions of Canada, Mexico, and Antigua - the last being drawn up at the defendant's request because of a dispute over a hotel property that was not being amicably resolved to his satisfaction. Although the defendant denies reading books, he showed these plans to an author who had no security clearance. 

On January 6, 2021, the defendant was directly involved in inciting numerous individuals to storm the capital, disrupt congress and prevent the certification of the results of the 2020 presidential election. 

The defendant represents a significant danger to the community. 

The recommendation is that there is no combination of bond that protect the community and ensure that the defendant will return for trial. 

Pretrial services also recommends that if the defendant is released that he be ordered to undergo mandatory mental health counseling as he frequently mentions conspiracy theories involving lawyers, judges, former presidents and secretary of states that he believes are all out to get him, not to mention the entire states of Georgia, Arizona, Nevada, as well as the former prime minister of England and the nation of Lichenstein about which he said "is very small and nobody goes there and nobody likes it there."