THE ARRAIGNMENT

 It’s Tuesday morning and Judge Juan  Merchan sees a full courtroom and a full calendar. He takes the bench a few minutes before 8:30 because he likes lawyers to know he will be early and he expects the same from them. 

Faces look at him expectantly. 

“Good morning everyone. We will clear the warrants and then do arraignments in turn and then go to the motions before I call the trial calendar.” 

 

A few despondent defendants are shuffled into the courtroom, shuffling with their leg irons, hands cuffed desultory in front of them. The judge knows that despite the new bail guidelines, he will be sending most of them to Riker’s Island. 

One woman is visibly pregnant and the judge looks at the legal aid lawyer, an unseen message passing between them that he will look favorably upon a motion for and ROR and indeed that is how he handles  the case.

 

It’s now ten to nine and the lawyers in his courtroom are all busy on their phones, texting paralegals and associates and staff and their wives or husbands. Merchan knows from rumor that his attractive DA is very active on Tinder, although he isn’t really sure what that site is and has never been on it. 

 

A camera is set up for a feed to all the media that has assembled. 

 

“People v Donald ….mmm, hang on, how is that pronounced?”

 

A man looks up from custody. He is surrounded by court officers. 

 

“Donald Domicco, rhymes with Puerto Rico”. The defendant gives the judge a hopeful smile and the judge returns to his file. “Arraign your client please” he says without looking up. A well dressed woman approaches the podium and does the arraignment.

 

The judge reads the charges and frowns. “This is some sort of financial filing snafu isn’t it? Lord knows I’ve got enough of those.”

 

The defense attorney smiles. “Exactly your honor. My client paid Stormy….sorry, paid for storm  damages  out of his own pocket and then cashed the insurance check that was also made out to the storm mitigation company. But there’s no theft here.” 

 

The Judge peers over his reading glasses at the ADA.  “What do the people have to say?”

 

“ACD your honor. We get this is a low level financial crime. “

 

“Hardly a crime your honor” replies the defense attorney. “But we will take it.”

 

“Good. Adjourned with a contemplation of dismissal . Mr. Domicco your case is adjourned and if you don’t get in trouble for the next six months we will dismiss it. Stay out of trouble. Storms can cause all sorts of illegal troubles”

“I will your honor. It’s not like I robbed a bank, or , ummmm like stole an election or anything.” 

There’s muffled laughter in the courtroom as lawyers look up from their phones. Merchan sees a half a dozen Starbucks coffee cups being balanced on knees. He glances over at his own cup of decaf that his wife has dictated he drink. Caffeine was causing him acid reflux. He wonders about getting a real cup of coffee to get through the morning but then realizes he wife would see him on TV and then she might make him go to tea for the rest of the week. 

  

A tall and hefty man in a blue pinned stripped suit with a long red tie and an orange artificial tan is led into the courtroom surrounded by court officers. Like all defendants he is handcuffed. “This is a spectacular courtroom” the defendant says. “New York has the best courtrooms. I was just talking with some people who were telling me they’ve never seen any courtrooms nicer than this one. I heard that when she was a senator Hillary Clinton tried to de-fund the courtrooms but we stopped her. It was a hard battle but we wanted to make New York courtrooms great again. I thought of that. I am a very stable genius and I came up with the slogan make New York Courtrooms great again and everybody loved it, and people were saying that they have never heard a slogan better than that one. And I remember, because I have a memory like no one has ever seen, doctors who have studied it have told me it’s the best memory they’ve ever seen, they call it a record- breaking memory, and …where was I ? I forgot, but this is the best courtroom anyone has ever seen. And the police officers here, I told them, I’m very pro police, we love the police, we love them, and Clinton and Obama wanted to defund the police but I said we love the police and so we didn’t defund them. And I told this to Kim Jung something or other, the guy who is the head of East Korea and we had this love affair where we fell in love and he asked about the police in New York and I said, very great those police in New York, they love me and I love them. And I love the East Koreans. Everyone said I couldn’t go to East Korea and that no one has ever gone to East Korea but I went and people said they had never seen anything like it, going to East Korea like I did, and I told them, we love you, we do, and you have stop shooting those little missiles little man, but I went and did it. 

 

The Judge looked at the DA and the coterie of defense attorneys and rolled his eyes. “All I did was ask his name…”