GREATEST ZOOM MEETING EVER

Before we get to the topic at hand, we are mindful of tomorrow's super bowl. We have our massive computer model generating humidity, wind speed, left or right hand of the referee flipping the coin- the out come of this ref-'s last two years of coin flips; the weight of the coin, the variations in gravity in Tampa vis a vis other places on earth. We are close to a call on our deadlock, never wrong coin flip for the Super Bowl prediction. More on Sunday. For today we LOVE this prop bet- -135 that either team goes for it and succeeds on fourth down. To explain how money line bets work, the operative figure is 100. So for minus 135 a bettor has to bet 135 to win 100 that Tampa Bay goes for it on fourth down and makes it. Or makes the same bet on KC. There is a ton of vig in this bet- 35% (35 dollars above the 100 has to be risked to win 100) but we like it. For today put us on Tampa Brady's -135 to go for a fourth down and make it. 

HANFORD PARISH COUNCIL MEETING

Even in the time of Covid we can have best-ever lists. And the BEST EVER Zoom meeting occurred in our beloved England, specifically the tiny English hamlet of Handford Parish and the city council meeting this past December.  It has made an international star of Chief Executive Jackie Weaver who is not a member of the council but was brought in to support Hanford Parish because of an issue in the last meeting where apparently the cantankerous chairman, who starts off in the video attacking Ms. Weaver, was thrown out of the previous meeting (spoiler alert- he gets tossed again here as well).  In 80 unforgettable minutes there are toilet flushes, microphone failures, Trump-like grabs for power, zoom expulsions, shouting matches as only the polite English can do, whispers of secrets that are overheard and broadcast to the world. "When do we plan to start" asks a member? "F-off" comes a mumbled reply in the first twenty seconds of the video.

At 50 seconds the chairman talks about being thrown out of the prior meeting, in response to which one member mutters "quite rightly". Now things start heating up. A debate about the legality of Jackie Weaver being a clark or proper officer ensues. At 2:27 the chairman, his anger rising tells Jackie Weaver to listen and "stop being whatever you're trying to be and just clark the meeting." 

At about 3:05 in the Video one of the other members takes a call with her microphone open as the chairman is shouting at Jackie Weaver. There is a rancorous discussion about "clarking" the meeting, which in English terms means being the clerk. 

At 3:28 someone mutters "who is this woman?" referring to Ms. Weaver, then someone gasps. 

At 3:41 the chairman growls about the meeting not being being lawfully called. Ms. Weaver then threatens to remove the chairman, which prompts the chairman to respond that only the chairman can remove someone. Another woman chimes in "you can't!" and the chairman at 4:00 continues with "You have no authority here Jackie Weaver...no authority at all! This is what is called tempting fate, because a few seconds later he disappears and other members gasp "She just kicked him out!"  

 Weaver is attacked with accusations of a coup. At 4:20, in response to Jackie Weaver patiently telling the remaining council members to elect another chairman,  the vice-chair yells,  " No you can't the vice-chair is here, I take charge!"- bringing to mind former secretary of State General Al Haig's power grab at the White House during the confusing early minutes after President Reagan was shot. The vice chair then screams "read the standing orders! Read them and understand them!" which prompts member David Pincombe to moan "dear me" and Jackie Weaver to describe it as "appalling behavior." 

Enter Council member David Burkall who shouts that there is a chairman and Jackie Weaver, in her best British school-marm voice and attitude sighs "Councilor Burkhall, we have been all through this" which in turn prompts councilor Burkhall to retort "What are you talking about? You don't know what you are talking about" which in turn prompts Councilor John Smith at 5:05 to laugh in manner that should immediately get him offers to play the Joker in the next Batman movie. At 5:15, in an argument sure to appeal to most Miami Judges because of its logic,  Burkhall exclaims "The chairman of the council is the uh..chairman of the council!'

    At 5:25 another charming white haired British matron asks if the members can "Be respectful to Jackie Weaver please" which causes another Joker-type laugh from Smith and another cohort. There are condo board members in Hallandale that are shaking their heads at the confusion and rancor of this meeting.   The result of all this is that Jackie Weaver then kicks out council member Burkhall. 

At 7:15 as the meeting is underway, someone uses the loo, and there is a corresponding loud flush. 

At 7:35 Council member Ian Smith has an issue. He struggles to explain what happened to the chairman (Jackie gave him the boot) before resorting to the refined British phrase "Before the chairman departed from the meeting I noticed his label said 'Clark of Hanford Parish Council', could anyone clarify how that came about?" 

John Smith responded that he had no idea how that occurred and that the chairman was not the Clark, prompting Ian Smith to respond that he also had an email from the chairman declaring himself as the Clark. Jackie Weaver responds that there is nothing to stop the chairman from calling himself Clark, at which point the meeting dives into the bizarre as Jackie Weaver says "please refer to me as Britany Spears from now on" before asking if she should allow the disruptive members she placed in the waiting room to return? This is something the other council members are very much against and the banished members remained locked out as one council member trashes the household of another for laughing "like a hyena." Although one member of the public who was mistakenly banished was then let back in, or as he says "I was on the naughty step". 

It is all so very British which as longtime and careful readers know, appeals to our sensibilities. Rest assured we will now be watching every meeting of the Handford Parish Council meetings. Must see TV.