WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL RICHARD E GERSTEIN JUSTICE BUILDING BLOG. THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO JUSTICE BUILDING RUMOR, HUMOR, AND A DISCUSSION ABOUT AND BETWEEN THE JUDGES, LAWYERS AND THE DEDICATED SUPPORT STAFF, CLERKS, COURT REPORTERS, AND CORRECTIONAL OFFICERS WHO LABOR IN THE WORLD OF MIAMI'S CRIMINAL JUSTICE. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CALLED "THE DEFINITIVE BLOG ON MIAMI CRIMINAL LAW" BY THE NY TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST, THE POPE, AND DONALD TRUMP WHO ALSO ONCE SAID IT WAS "REALLY GREAT". POST YOUR COMMENTS, OR SEND RUMPOLE A PRIVATE EMAIL AT HOWARDROARK21@GMAIL.COM

Saturday, May 13, 2017

DIARY OF A MAD PRESIDENT YOU'RE FIRED EDITION 2.0

Dear Diary...simply put,  the best week ever!!!

Here's how the week went down. Last weekend I was in a bit of a bad mood. And nothing makes me feel better than firing some people. So first Manuelo, who's staff at my golf club in New Jersey brought me two scoops of ice cream for my dessert Saturday night. I have given specific instructions that I am to be give two and one half scoops of ice cream with my dessert. I made that very clear from day one. "Manuelo, you're fired!" Then I had the secret service hustle him out. I felt a little better. 

Sunday morning I saw that little so and so Peter Ryan on the news shows. Thinks he's a big shot being speaker of the congress and all. So I called him up I did. "Petey, you're fired. I'm making changes in the senate." 
"Mr. President" he says, "You can't fire me, I was elected."
"Elected" I sneer. Did you see my inauguration crowds? Bigger than yours and Obama's. "You're fired" then I slammed down the phone and called my chief of staff and told him I fired the speaker of the senate and I wanted him out by Monday and Jared in as speaker. My chief told me I couldn't do it and I admit that made me angry. 

So then I wondered what the vice president was up to? Where was he when I was working all weekend? It was time for a change I decided so I called John McCain. "John" I said, "you're out as vice president." Then I slammed down the phone and told Priebus what I did.  Then he told me I couldn't fire the vice president and then my phone rang and the person said SENATOR John McCain was on the other end. The whole world is going crazy, Diary. People don't even know what jobs they have in my administration. I have a lot  of work ahead for me.  

I have to admit that by Monday morning I was in a really foul mood. I needed to make changes. The guy who cleans the golf carts at the club? OUT. The guy who drives me? OUT.  The guy who replaced Manolo? OUT. But it just didn't feel right. I wanted to fire someone big. Ginsberg at the Supreme Court. But she didn't take my call. Bernie Sanders, but his staff said he was in the garden working. 

And then, out of the blue, I remembered that guy from the FBI. Causing all the trouble with the fake Russian investigation. Wouldn't pledge loyalty to me and Barron and Melania. I called in all my important people. Priebus. Ivanka. Her husband whazhisname. The guy who replaced the guy who replaced Manolo. 

"I've got a big announcement. I'm going to make a change at the FBI. I want a new director. The old one is fired."

Diary, everyone got real happy. They patted me on the back. Told me I was being decisive. A real president. Obama never fired the FBI guy. Neither did Bush or Reagan or Lincoln or Washington. Only me. Which makes me the best president ever. The guy who replaced the guy who replaced Manolo brought me THREE scoops of ice cream. I turned to my chief of staff and in my best presidential voice said "Get Chuck Schumer on the phone. Tell him he's FIRED!"

Then I felt so good I went out and shot a 92 on the front nine. And the best part was the guy who replaced the guy who replaced Manolo gave me a 32. 

Bestest week ever Diary, until next week that is. 

DJT. 


8 comments:

Rumpole said...

Mr. Kirlew doesn't like us. At least that's the take-away from the emails we received this evening after his speech at the FACDL soiree saturday night. (he doesn't like us calling the event a soiree).

Hmm.. What to do...what to do?

Tomorrow we will wake up and walk through the 12th arrondissement and ponder our predicament over a coffee and croissant.

Anonymous said...

soi·rée
swäˈrā/
noun
an evening party or gathering, typically in a private house, for conversation or music.

Anonymous said...

Dear Diary
This seek I will use geometrical logic to solve who stole the Strawberries 🍓

Brian said...

Rumpole,

first I want to thank you for getting my last name right. It is Kirlew, not Kirlow. It's a Welsch name that can be traced back to the House of Lords in Great Britain for over a millennium. You as a student of all things British, I am sure can appreciate that.

Second, I do like you and your blog. I think it serves a critical function in our humble justice building. What I do not like, however, is the bashing of FACDL.

FACDL is not some giant that lives in the hillside that comes to down to visit the townspeople every now and then. FACDL is nothing more than an organized group of lawyers in our community that try their best to improve the justice system for the benefit of our clients and practices.

FACDL is made up of volunteers. Lawyers that take time from their practices and families to give back to our criminal defense bar. Being an active member of FACDL actually, costs us money. We don't get more business because of it. Clients couldn't care less.

The leadership of FACDL over the years has worked to ensure that our clients have reasonable bonds (see Broward), alternative forms of release (see PTS and TAP), easy access to the Justice Building (see your court issued ID), better access to Clerk's services (the Clerk's office apparently hates us), the ability to communicate and share legal knowledge (see our listserve), educate our lawyers (see our free monthly CLEs & Lunch and Learns)and recognize the great work of our brothers and sisters in the law (see our annual awards banquet), amongst other important roles.

FACDL is also kind of a Union. We collectively bargain and negotiate on behalf of everyone who practices criminal defense in Miami (whether they pay dues or not).

But the substance of my speech wasn't to deride you or your blog. But it was to challenge this notion that we are self-congratulatory blowhards. That we needlessly pat ourselves on the back.

It really wasn't about you or your blog. The speech was meant to remind everyone in that room, especially the judges, that we are living in a different America under Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions. A darker, crueler and more unjust America. It was to remind them that we as criminal defense lawyers must fight to protect and defend our national ideals and constitutional principles. To challenge the judges to check the excesses of the government and turn the tide against the continued erosion of the Bill of Rights. Because if we don't, if we remain silent and complacent, the America our children and grandchildren will grow up in will be a less prosperous and less free nation than the one we inherited.

Brian Kirlew


Anonymous said...

Lee Weissenborn has passed away. He was a criminal defense attorney at the REGJB for many years, from the '60s to the early '90s. Took lots of post conviction appointments. Great champion of the underdog. Very nice article in today's Herald.

Anonymous said...

Whaf a speech by Kirlew. MFACLAGA. Bravo.

Anonymous said...

I love Judge Martin Zilber. Great Judge. Awesome fun person. I saw him and his beautiful wife at Soho House beach yesterday.

We need more Judges like Judge Zilber.

Anonymous said...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ