Monday, November 02, 2015


It must be something in the water. It's not just Judges in Broweird who act weird. 

Here is a tale of woe, press releases, internet trolls, threats, blogs, more threats, voicemail threats, and it all means mostly nothing. 

Interested? Take a drink, sit back, and relax. 

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: (In no particular order of appearance or importance)

Broward Lawyer Gary Ostrow; Lawyer/Blogger Scott Greenfield; Lawyer/Blogger Mark Bennett; Miami Lawyer, Blogger, raconteur, and blog favorite Brian Tannebaum; and some character named Patrick Zarrelli, pictured below:

What, Me worry?

 Ok. Sit tight and buckle up. Here we go

Osrtrow put out this ill-advised press release announcing his intention to represent any and all celebrities arrested in Florida. Press Release here.   It got the predictable response on the web. Ridicule. As if all criminal defense attorneys were previously saying "I want nothing to do with those ridiculous celebrity arrest cases, with their large fees and corresponding publicity." 

Scott Greenfield, the aforementioned blogger did a few posts on it, here and here.   Mark Bennett did a post on his blog as well, here.  The posts were predictably negative in their view of the press release. As we often write in our appellate briefs: "DUH".

Enter Patrick Zarelli, self described "internet reputation..."something or other. Zarelli was hired by Ostrow to get the offending posts removed. Zarelli contacted Bennett who posted the encounter here. 
And then Zarelli contacted Greenfield, who posted the encounter and phone call here.   

A legal blogger from NYC got into the act ridiculing team Ostrow, because it was just too much fun to sit on the sidelines. His blog post is here.

TechDirt got into the fun piling on  here.

And somehow our own Brian T got into the fray (probably on twitter), so Zarelli called him and left a message, and Brian posted the phone call here.   
This the transcript. 

So here's how it all plays out.
First- don't post ridiculous press releases unless you want to suffer the wrath of the web. 
Second- don't hire wannabe lawyers who threaten real lawyers with legal action unless you want to see your wannabe lawyer  squashed like a bug on a windshield. 

Our prediction: We will be contacted. We will be threatened with legal action. We will yawn and go about our day. 


See You In Court.


Anonymous said...

Why you...(imagine curly from the three stooges)
Why I aughta (Moe) knock your block off you dope.

Now you've done it. You're toast pal.

Yuk Yuk Yuk.

Anonymous said...

I do not want to represent any celebrity or charge monies to represent a celebrity or have anything to do with representing or charging monies....I am available to represent any and all drug dealers who pay in full thank you FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the best and most bizarre post of the year.

Tom Haverford said...

Patrick Zarrelli's letter to Brian sounds like he's been drinking snake juice.

"Otherwise, I'm going to be forced to include you in this, man."

I can't stop laughing.

Rumpole said...

OK I have some obligations here. I am sure there are countless examples of problems between lawyers. But when you post them anonymously and then allege mental illness and we have no way of checking any of this, we can't post the comment. What we posted was verified because we linked to the other blogs and the press release and such. Your experience with individuals that you want to post about needs to be verifiable in some way. Otherwise I'm not dealing with that headache, and in fact your comment could be entirely made up, as believable as it appears to be. Hope you understand.


Anonymous said...

WTF, Gary!!! You could have hired me for free... I'm willing to help a brother out -- with his online appeal (or lack thereof). I'm quite generous and all about charity.

This Patrick kid sounds like a douchebag from hell.

Who hires someone that goes by "Kid Chronic" to help them out with their online persona? I mean, seriously, what the hell were you thinking???

I hope you can get your money back, Gary.

Anonymous said...

Brian and his internet friends are bullying this guy. Yes, the guy is wrong. But WTF?! These guys need to chilllllll out.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know how much Patrick Zarrelli charges an hour to help me with my sexting skillz? I can barely use my iPhone.

I keep sending naked pictures to my grandma.


In case you missed Gary's comment in response to all of this, it's a classic:

Gary Ostrow

February 8, 2014 at 8:56 pm

Having just read, for the first time your “editorial”, I would first be interested in knowing who the f*** is Scott Greenfield, who has the balls to criticize me, without any rational basis or reliable facts whatsoever!! i got news for you, Scott……….My practice has always, and continues to thrive, and I would most comfortably challenge YOUR trial and success record, assuming you even have one, without a moment of doubt or hesitation. Losers like yourself cast stones from afar, because you don’t have the balls to confront successful trial lawyers like myself and are predominately motivated by falsely creating the illusion that your worthlessness is somehow minimized, by judging and making defamatory and baseless comments, while talking out of your ass. I will publicly challenge your despicable, dishonorable and worthless ass to a comparison of professional accomplishment as well as levels of integrity , blindly, because to highly intelligent and aware people like myself, guys like you get off on pointing the finger elsewhere because you are relieved of the daily burden of being you!! Lets see if you have the balls to post my comment. i would be interested in challenging you to back up your baseless and critical comments ………and the facts upon which you rely. I can promise you this………….on my worst day, i can outgun you in a courtroom or any legal endeavor for that matter. You don’t know shit about me as a person or as a criminal trial litigator…..my record of 30-years speaks for itself. How lame and worthless you must feel in a deeply inward and painful way to even spend the time and energy to hurl stones in my direction , based simply on a press release. Anytime my friend, should you miraculously grow some balls and fill that empty tiny sack of yours, I will be around…..and the way things continue to evolve, for a very long time!!

Cap Out .....

Anonymous said...

Why is Gary Ostrow the subject of a Miami-Dade blog.? He epitomizes Broweird.

Kid Chronic said...

Dear Mr. Tankeboon.
I have called you several times now without a response. So let me be blunt (pun intended from kid chronic).
I have a family of lawyers. And doctors, and uncle Jimmy is a damn good podiatrist. Anyway, there's this little itty bitty thing called the Florida bar. And one word from me and they will be on you like white on rice. So here is what you need to do.
First apologize.
Second, senator my offer to you is this: Nothing. And I would appreciate it if you could post the fee for the gaming license yourself. Personally.
Third- and this is a biggie. I've got me a 666 page lawsuit, Can you confirm the correct spelling of your name and address so I can serve you?

Much obliged bro. Yo, it's all good right?
See ya.
Wouldn't want to be ya.

Anonymous said...

Successful trial lawyers never refer to themselves as "successful trial lawyers." Never. Never. Never.

On a serious note, I fell asleep reading Gary's comment.

His comment is the equivalency of giving up on life and joining Scientology.

I mean, this kid (with all his mad skillz and shit) couldn't even fix your Avvo rating.

Anonymous said...

The Ostrow press release is from 2012 and you guys are still writing about it?? Gary must not be as dumb as you think.

L said...

Clearly, no one taught Mr. Zarrelli anything about brinkmanship. And if they did, he never learned anything.

Robert Kuntz said...

This, Rumpole. This.

Posts like this are why we all pay those exorbitant subscription rates to receive your blog. They are why we wade through endless comments about non-existent restaurants, mindless repetitions of long forgotten in-jokes, and gutless anonymous sniping at pretty much everyone. Just when we get ready to cancel our exorbitantly costly subscriptions, you redeem yourself with HBO-quality online entertainment like this.

Well done.

[We all ARE paying the same exorbitant subscription rate to get your blog, right? Right?]

Anonymous said...

Somehow I pictured Gary Ostrow as a batshit-crazy-old-man... Are the pictures from his site from 10 years ago?

Anonymous said...


The Professor said...

As for Gary Stephen Ostrow - What do you want from a guy who was suspended in 2010 for being found guilty of possession of cocaine, and just last May was reprimanded for neglecting his clients and failing to appear in court when required (which has been his modus operandi for at least the past 18 years)? The guy is a blight on the legal profession, and has no shame.

Deez Nutz said...

I'm still confused as to how a person can claim to have more integrity while simultaneously asking for a ball/testicle comparison....repeatedly.

Anonymous said...

There will be a meeting of lawyers/bloggers tonight at ren (a venue). Tanny is supplying the wine - a nice chardonay.

Anonymous said...

"Unfortunately for Patrick, Mark is an expert in free speech, and the online version of a navy seal. In other words, Mark Bennett is a prick of the highest magnitude, but he is also an extremely intelligent attorney specializing in what? Yes, free speech, of all things."

Courtesy of: Vincent Messina


Lesson: Google people before you fuck with them.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Mr. Kuntz,
I wouldn't pay for a subscription to a blog that would let me post upon it.

Anonymous said...

What services does Mr. Zarrelli's company provide? Reputation management?

I don't think Zarrelli realizes how much cake is on his face right now and how bad this is for him and his client, Gary Ostrow (who, unfortunately, needs his online reputation managed by some - I don't even know what to call him - kid).

There's no such thing as "cyber bullying." It doesn't exist. There is, however, making a spectacle of yourself and then everyone blogs and comments about it, because it's hilarious. Now, you've managed to make matters much worse.

You hired a kid who stated (very, very publicly on Facebook) that he's a "BIGGER BULLY" to threaten lawyers that blogged about your unbecoming behavior as a defense attorney (all public record) ages ago. Thanks to Zarrelli's handy work, your poor choices are relevant again. And, worst of all, you have a bigger audience.

This "wireshark" that uses the hashtag "#DatWebLifeDoe" is not going to properly "manage" your online reputation, Gary. His long, dreary rants come off like an empty vessel. And empty vessels make the most noise.

I like how Tim Cushing commented on Zarrelli's FB post to inform him that he was archiving his FB post and subsequent comments. And, Zarrelli, being all "fired up this week" deleted the entire post and comments.

Where did the fire go, Z? Where did the BIG BAD BULLY go? The one that was going to set these lawyers straight?

Actions will always speak louder than words.

Anonymous said...

WHY DIDNT OSCAR MADISON want Nancy to give a physical to some guy who followed him into the office?

Anonymous said...

Zarrelli's voice message to Brian sounds like he's trying, very poorly, to set up a frivolous law suit.

Why would he delete his Facebook post where he referred to himself as a "BIGGER BULLY."

Why delete the post and comments?

Anonymous said...

Wow, the Lawyerist just got their hands on it.


Is this about to go viral?

Anonymous said...

That moment the "Dependable Website Management" you hired to "clean up" your online persona can barely manage itself.

Does Former President Bush know that Zarrelli is dropping his name in voice messages? And, more importantly, does Zarrelli know that Former President Bush is persona non grata?

I hope you can get your money back, Gary. This was not worth the trouble.

Anonymous said...

Too much reckless passion, not enough tact.

Kid Chronic of Chronic Nation said...

FUCK YOU FOREVER! Tomorrow, I'm getting 550 million high power attorneys -- basically, my entire family -- to sue you forever.

Also, President Bush is going to shit on your British lawn.

Google "British lawns" - it's dope.

Anonymous said...

This was way better than Reality TV.