This is not some defense attorney clap trap. False confessions are all too real. In a perfect world the State Attorney will have read this article and distributed it to her staff ....but that's in a perfect world. (And if our judicial readers need a laugh, scroll down to the federal sentencing bit.)
Check out Richard Hersch and Ben Kuehne on the Broward JAA Blog.
Loud mouth JETS and their blow-hard coach. We told you they would lose. Can't even win the home opener on MNF in their new stadium. Guess there's no "O" in Rex.
HOW NOT TO CONDUCT A FEDERAL SENTENCING:
You walk into Federal Court all set to conduct a sentencing hearing. Being well read on the law, you're prepared to argue to the Judge that the guidelines are merely advisory, and the mitigating factors under 18 USC 3553(a) are applicable to your client and support a downward variance or whatever it is that they call a departure over there these days.
And then you run into Judge Rudolph Runda (E.D WACKOVILLE) and your best laid plans go flying out the window as the Judge refers to your client's Mexican heritage, the immigration status of your client AND his wife AND (for some unknown reason) his sisters, the status of the law and the conditions of jails in several countries including Turkey, Malaysia and Thailand, AND repeated references to Hugo Chavez, Iranian Terrorists (we swear we are not making this up) AND Adolph Hitler's dog!!!
Reversed and remanded for a new sentence before a new judge who resides on earth.
Rumpole practice tip for new judges: Avoid at all costs references to "You People" and "Those People" when sentencing an illegal immigrant to prison. You should also probably leave out any comparisons to Hitler and Hugo Chavez that might cross your mind while pronouncing sentence. Just a thought.