Saturday, February 02, 2008


Lawrence Tynes stood exactly seven yards away from the ball. The ball was on the 33 yard line. The sunlight had already faded in the University of Phoenix Stadium and the lights had been on for sometime now. The roar was a deafening din, but Tynes heard nothing. Sweat trickled down his forehead from his hair which was matted wet and into his left eye. The Giants were out of time outs and the field clock showed he had exactly 16 seconds to get the kick off. He could not take off his helmet and wipe his eyes. He would have to kick this one partially blind.

Eight yards away most of the Patriots were growling or yelling his name. Tynes looked up for just a brief moment and saw the safety jumping up and waving and trying to distract him. The scoreboard showed Patriots 35 Giants 33.
14 Seconds to go.

The Giants offensive line set down and Tynes called a few numbers. The long snapper looked at him between his legs while the holder barked out the signals. The ball would be snapped on three, so that the Patriots would have two chances to jump off sides and move the ball closer. Right now the field goal was exactly fifty yards. Tynes had been making them from 55 in practice without a problem, but that was four hours ago. Since then Tynes had a 35 yarder blocked and he had missed two others from 40 and 45. When the field goal was blocked in the first quarter a Patriots lineman had taken a shot at him during the mad scramble for the ball. Tynes had fallen and twisted his knee. The knee swelled up to the size of a grapefruit and at halftime he had the trainer give him shot. Right now his leg was numb. He could run on it and he could kick with it, he just couldn’t feel it.

On the sidelines during the last time out Coughlin hadn’t said much.
“Fifty yards” Coughlin had said.
“Bout that” Tynes replied.
“Your leg?”
“Just fine.”

The coach nodded and Tynes trotted out on to the field. Nothing more needed to be said. History and the chance to pull off perhaps the greatest upset in the history of the National Football league hung on Tynes’ numb leg.

The long snapper tensed up as the second request for the ball came. Out of the corner of his eye, Tynes saw his holder glance at him. Tynes gave him a quick wink.

8 seconds to go.

The ball came perhaps a tenth of a second late and a little higher than the holder wanted. It wasn’t much, but usually it would be enough to throw off his timing just enough to hook the ball right.

But Tynes knew there was pressure in this snap so he had waited perhaps an additional half second before starting his windup. It was just enough time to give the holder a chance to catch the ball and adjust.

Tynes saw the ball spin so that the laces were away from his foot. The ball was placed down, and perhaps ten thousand lights from camera flashes went off in the stands in front of Tynes. Tynes saw none of this because his head was down and he was looking at the ball. Like a golfer, it was important he keep his head down through the swing.

There was the usual pile up of humanity in front of him, but from his left Tynes saw that the Patriots had overloaded the line at the last moment. A safety had broken free and was streaking towards Tynes, his hands held out in front of him like Superman.

7 seconds left in the game.

Tynes went through his windup. He planted his foot and felt a sharp pain shoot through his leg. The pain killer was wearing off. His foot slipped as he winced, but not much, and he thought that his plant was good.

The safety was getting close. Tynes thought that he might just be able to tip the ball and that wouldn’t be good, so he hurried his kick just a bit quicker than normal.

A small breeze drifted in from behind the kicker. Despite the desert atmosphere, the breeze was cool as the sun had set. Tynes foot made good contact with the ball and Tynes reminded himself not to put everything he had into the kick. His leg was strong and he didn’t need to over kick the ball otherwise the kick would pull to the left.

The ball went up on the slightly lower trajectory that Tynes had planned. He needed a lower trajectory to get the distance to make the 50 yarder .

The safety was in air now with his arms outstretched. Tynes couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw the safety’s right index finger make contact with the ball.

The ball started its end over end spin and Tynes noticed that it was spinning good. The safety hadn’t affected the kick. Now the only question was whether he had the distance.

The ball spun into the dark night while thousands of flashes from cameras continued to light up the night.

Tynes never saw the other safety who came in from the right side. The safety was blocked by a Giants offensive lineman, but the block forced the safety into Tynes. The safety hit Tynes- but it was a legal hit- and Tynes was hit just after he put his foot on the ground. The impact spun him around and before he hit the ground he noticed Eli Manning sitting on the ground with his helmet off and his head between his hands. Several Giants were holding hands, while the coaches had grouped together. Coughlin was standing as he always did with his hands on his hips.

The ball continued spinning but Tynes couldn’t see it. He was on the ground.

The crowd was roaring but there was no way for Tynes to know what that meant. Half the crowd was for the Giants and the other half for the Patriots. Either way about 35 thousand people would be cheering.

Some dirt had flown up into his helmet and stuck to the sweat on his face. Tynes was face down in the dirt when he felt the first hand on his back. In a second or so he would know either way just how his life had changed.


Pacificus said...


How are the Giants going to score 33 points with there kicker missing three field goals? The Patriots defense does not give up many touchdowns so does this mean the Giants kicker has made 11 out of 14 field goals during the game?

Remember Rump, the Giants are playing for a Super Bowl. The Patriots are playing for Immortality.

Final Score: Patriots 38-Giants 17. Take the Pat's and give the points.

Rumpole said...

I knew this was going to happen. I tell you my readers are relentless.

OK- three touchdowns with 2 point coversions (24) and one regular TD (31) and a safety=33;

or 15 safeties and one field goal.

This is fiction. Give me a break will ya?

Anonymous said...

Yesterday Butchko sentenced a PD client to 15 years for a strong arm robbery. Prior to trial the offer was CTS. The defendant had no priors, and the facts were that he punched a guy and took off on his bicycle. period. After trial the state attorney asked for 10 years (bad form to offer cts then ask for 10), mostly because he is afraid of Butchko as she routinely refuses to accept their plea offers then calls KFR to complain they are being too lenient. Didn’t matter cause she maxed him anyway. Stan, Joe, Please get her out of the building! That kind of shit is un-called for

Anonymous said...

Rosa Rodriguez fair?!?!?!?! Give me a break!
Check out this opinion:

State v. Alzate
2007 WL 4409770
Fla.App. 3 Dist.
December 19, 2007

And I quote, "It is critical to note that in the midst of the trial judge's diatribe, Pizarro's meritorious arguments were largely ignored...The speed with which the trial court not only dismissed Pizarro's arguments, but also attacked his character and that of his counsel, threatening them with imprisonment, would justifiably place a reasonably prudent person in fear of not receiving a fair and impartial trial...The State has demonstrated a well-founded fear that its entitlement to the “cold neutrality of an impartial judge,” State ex rel. Davis v. Parks, 141 Fla. 516, 194 So. 613, 615 (1939), has been compromised."

Seems like the Third disagrees with whomever finds Rosa Rodriguez to be fair. She is without a doubt one of the worst judges to ever sit on the bench!

Anonymous said...

To 6:36

You almost had me considering your point until you mentioned Tunis and Schlessinger. You have misguided views I think.

What I mean by Rosa and Will being willing to follow the law is that they are unafraid to read precedent and follow it regardless of whether it means throwing out a confession or granting JOAs, etc. IF THE EVIDENCE AND LAW DEMANDS THAT. They are fair to both sides and the community as a whole. The other judges, regardless of whether they are nice or rude, should do the same and not be so afraid of bad press or reelection status.

Anonymous said...

It's gooooood ... Giants win!!!!!

fake rev. ian paisly said...

The Giants' Scottish-born, Presbyterian kicker is about the only thing I like about the team. It certainly isn't their IRA-wannabe nutcase of a coach.

Anonymous said...

Butchko is a hottie!

Anonymous said...

Can anyone suggest a good CPA in South Florida?

Anonymous said...

The Alzate decision is interesting, but I'm sure the fact that Rothenberg authored the opinion may raise some eyebrows.

What I find the most interesting is that this alleged victim was wealthy enough to retain his own attorney - you don't see that too often.

The case is a lesson in the rights of some over the rights of others. Where the counsel of an accused are doing their best to squeeze the balls of an alleged victim (switching to a videotaped deposition at the last minute), the alleged victim now becomes the accused in a rule to show cause. That the attorney of the alleged victim now defends the alleged victim, now himself accused, its interesting to see the this accused being treated horribly in a way we would never dream of treating the original accused in, i.e. berating client and counsel.

Does appear to be poor judgment here.

Though what's never explained is how this is still an alleged victim and yet the State removed this person from the witness list, unless that's what they meant by the nolle prosse of the grand theft charges.

Anonymous said...

Is anyone surprised at Butchko's reputation? Did anyone expect her to be a fair judge? Please.

This is the difference between State and Federal Judges, for whatever you think of federal judges, they don't give a crap about the public's ignorance and "tough on crime" bullshit. They see cases for what they are, not for how it will keep them on the bench when idiots go out to vote.

CAPTAIN said...


Loved the fiction Rump; so I'll give you a break for not remembering that the stadium has a roof; (no sunlight fading - lights always on).

Cap Out .....

fake barry wax said...

I think the Patriots will win on a last second free throw

fake jonathan schwartz said...

There are no free throws in football you dofus.

fake jonathan schwartz said...

There are no free throws in football you dofus.

Anonymous said...

The whistle blew. Coach Bellicheat called a time out right before the kick to ice the kicker.

Anonymous said...

Will they go to extra innings?

Anonymous said...

my favorite superbowl memory is when it was in miami last and the media did a "man on the street" report to see how many miamians knew anything about the superbowl.

They asked a mamasita who she thought would win and she said "de jankees."

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Enough with the Butchko bashing! She's a phenomenal person and a wonderful judge. She's not afraid to do the right thing even if she knows that she may take a hit in the media and/or in the eyes of a demanding victim.
Recently, she clearly displayed how extraordinary she is in a case involving a defendant who accidentally shot and killed his best friend right in front of the Miami Beach Police Department. I heard that the victim's family testified at the sentencing hearing and demanded the max, 30 years in prison, after the defendant pled to the manslaughter charge. Judge Butchko carefully listened to everyone, considered the mountains of mitigating evidence presented by the defense, and sentenced the defendant to community control and probation. Most judges wouldn't have had the courage to do that, even though it was the right decision. Any judge can max a defendant out. We don't want judges acting like robots. We need compassionate souls on the bench working diligently to make sure that the specific penalty fits the crime. Thank God we have judges like Judge Butchko! I would suggest that you re-direct your distain towards a few of the others in the courthouse who actually deserve the criticism.

fake roger ailes said...

Large Barzee media buy rumored for the super bowl. May just use tomorrow to formally announce his candidacy.

fake blake said...

I want everybody to be happy and I want both teams to win!

Anonymous said...

re: Butchko sentencing a guy who "accidentally" killed his best friend. It's no accident when you point a loaded gun at someone and pull the trigger. Butchko completely disregarded a negotiated plea between the State and defense. As someone who watched from the gallery, her comments to the mother of the victim were inappropriate. She's a disgrace to the bench.

dorky 30-ish year older said...

I love these 'Choose Your Own Adventure' stories, Rumpy -- can you do more? I just wish I had some pages to flip to to see if the butler did it or if it was the the professor with the candlestick in library.

Anonymous said...

hey 802. how much do you think she has contributed to her reelection campaign for giving no jail in a case where someone is dead.

Anonymous said...

butchko phenominal? The only person who would write that is butchko herself. Maybe a phenominal a hole.

Anonymous said...

8:02, every comment I've heard about her has been negative. There have been several cases in the building of accidential shootings where the defendant got probation or house arrest, that's a no brainer.

So get real.

Anonymous said...

if you think butchko is a wonderful judge you are living on mars. She is a disgrace to the bench. While I am happy she didnt max out someone for an accident, that does exonerate her for all of her poor judicial qualities.

To the person who thinks she is phenominal and wonderful: would you want your son or daughter in front of her as a defendant (assuming the author of the 'wonderful' post is not butchko or her friend)

Go jankees.....

Hiding Red Files in the Ceiling said...

Dont worry Judge Butchko...
I still think your hot.

Anonymous said...

it amazes me the myopic view some people have if judges: does rosa rodriguez deserve to be bashed bc of one opinion by the third, authored by none other than rothenberg. If yes, then almost every judge should be bashed. I challenge you to list any judge who has served for at least a few years that has never been reversed

Judge betty a "wonderful" person? Please give an example, other than what her job desription calls for. I've been before her twice and found it to be a rather unpleasant experience. Other than one anonymous post on a blog, I have heard zero compliments about her demeanor and temperment and tons of criticism.

Anonymous said...

The Jankees will beat the Mets in today's World Series of Football.

Anonymous said...

Judge Betty; shaved or not, does the curtain match the drape, I have an inquiring mind and would like to know.

Anonymous said...

Why don't we just replace circiut judges with computers that simply calculate the max sentence after a trial.........

fake hitler and leesfield said...

we think Butchko is extremely fair.