A SINCERE APOLOGY

ITEM: Attorney General “I cannot recall my first name at this moment” Gonzales has admitted that his testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee was confusing.

In his two-page letter to Senate Judiciary Chairman Patrick Leahy of Vermont, Gonzales sought to clear up the confusion.

"I am deeply concerned with suggestions that my testimony was misleading, and am determined to address any such impression. Both the President and I agree that we could care less what you think. Furthermore, what don’t you understand about the word NO? I sincerely hopes this clarifies my testimony as I am committed to working with you. " Gonzales wrote in the letter, a copy of which was sent to the panel's top Republican, Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania.

"I recognize that the use of the term 'Terrorist Surveillance Program' and my shorthand reference to the 'program' publicly 'described by the president' may have created confusion. Perhaps I should have referred to the program as the “Spy on everyone” program or the Legal Intelligence American Review program which we in the White House often refer to by it’s initials. " Gonzales wrote.

“In any event, in order to avoid further confusion, please let me reiterate that your committee will get the answers it wants when hell freezes over, and that I and the President are both committed to fully cooperating with the committee, the American Public, and you personally."

Sincerely,
Your new best friend,
“As soon as I recall my first name you’ll be the first to know” Gonzales.

PS. Next week, based on the imminent terrorist threat and our chartreuse/brown/green alert status, we will be asking the Supreme Court to disband Congress and cancel the upcoming Presidential elections until Osama Bin Laden is caught. I know I can count on your support.
?G