SCORECARD

UPDATE; Courts are closed. Scroll down to find out why.  

Who's in? Who's out? Who's up? Who's down? 

Who cares? 

Here's your REGJB Judicial Lineup for 2027. 

The road from civil to criminal is rarely a straight line

Per Administrative Judge Jean, the following changes in Circuit Court will take effect in January 2027:

 

• Division 3/Gonzalez-Marques will be assigned to Judge Green.
• Division 10/Gamez will be assigned to Judge Mato.
• Division 12/de la O will be assigned to Judge Perez-Santiago.
• Division 13/Hersch will be assigned to Judge Denaro.
• Division 21/Rodriguez will be assigned to Judge Perkins.
• ROC #70/Areces will be assigned to Judge Gamez

 

 

In: Judges Denaro, Green, Mato, Perez-Santiago, and Perkins

 

Out: Judges Areces, De la O, Gonzalez-Marques, Hersch (Congrats in Retirement!) , and Rodriguez.

HAPPY LEIF ESIRCKSON DAY??

 Around year 1000 Norse men and women, led by Lief Erickson, left ice covered Greenland (before most of the ice melted) and landed in what is now Newfoundland. When they landed it was summer and the explorers found lush green lands, birds, salmon, wheat, grapes and a lonely Starbucks with no line (for our robed readers one of those items found by the Vikings is not true and meant to amuse you. Like what is not funny about grapes?).  They named their discovery Vineland. 

In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue and landed in America The Bahamas (Motto: Welcome, try the conch fritters.) Chris never made it to North America. Back then they had stricter rules on immigration and he couldn't get a visa. 

Juan Ponce de Leon, named after a busy thoroughfare in what was to become Coral Gables was the European first to get a Trump visa and set foot in North America. 

So why do we celebrate Columbus day? Simple. He had better social media. Dominican friar Bartolome de las Casas detailed Columbus's voyage. Fun fact- de las Casas, Bart to his friends, was also a lawyer. 😮 The Viking sagas were told orally around campfires, passed down from generation to generation. Bart put pen to paper and wrote down what Columbus did.  And as we all know from watching Mad Men, the faintest ink is better than the best memory.

Great scene: Scroll to 50 seconds for the quote if you're in a rush and late for court. Oh wait- no court today. Lief Erickson day duh! 

NEW COURT ASSIGNMENTS

 Well let's see. We've had our abortion debate. We made fun of the FACDL Listserv woops....verboten to mention that...the F Word... how about some meat and potatoes...woops this is Miami....some Picadillo and Maduros on the old grey lady -the REGJB. The              ol' summer judicial rotation is here and it's darn official.

Add the honorific "The Honorable" to every name...it's an anathema to us to do it....

Milton Hirsch takes over Division 12  formerly Ramiro Areces. Courtroom 7-4 and appropriately, chambers 713, which is a magical number in baseball. 

Areces receives in the trade a new couch and a hotshot setting clerk. 

Areces goes to Division 70, commonly known as ROC court, an appellation sure to catch the attention of Magistrate Goodman, but alas, ROC stands for "Repeat Offender Court" and has nothing to do with the Grateful Dead or the Rolling Stones or rock-n-roll;                    but sentencings do tend to evoke the lyrics "What a long strange trip it has been." 

Areces remains in courtroom 2-4 and chambers 212, which as most Miamians know, is the OG NYC area code for a 100 years until they needed 718. 

When the music stops in musical chairs, there is always someone who has to leave the playing field, In this case it is Joe Fernandez, who is shipping out to Probate, the judicial equivalent of leaving the Yankees for a stint at AAA Buffalo Bisons. We have no information on chambers and courtrooms for probate because we have no information on where probate is. And as to the courtrooms, not to make a bad pun, but it's not as if there are clients who can show up. Do they have courtrooms in probate? Do they have trials? Do motions mention executrixes these days? 

NB: Judge Areces is taking some time off, so for now you have Judge Laura Sheron- Cruz pinch hitting. And if you want confusion, then look at the Sheron-Cruz-Altfield sharing of drug court and a division. Actually the rules are pretty simple- Clients who names begin with A-F merely have to count the letters in their name and then the logarithm of that number, if it is an equal number, the case is sent to Altfield, unless the month ends in R and then it is sent to Cruz. If the number is odd, but not a prime number, then the case is sent to Cruz, unless the infield fly rule is in effect with less than two outs and runners on base. For drug court it is simply the opposite. Clients who names begin with G-Z are simply required to show up in drug court where they will be given further instructions. 

So there you have it. Your much anticipated, long awaited, rumor inducing, Viagra taking, E....Street....Band.....2022 summer REGJB judicial rotations. 

 

REGJB CRIMINAL COURT ASSIGNMENTS 2021

 Here is your new and updated 2021 judicial assignments for our beloved, yet empty, REGJB. This chart has the all important Zoom numbers, without which, you cannot appear and function as an advocate. You used to need your REGJB Id before starting the day so you could skip the line and be admitted to the courthouse. Now you need your Zoom numbers. Life marches on. 

2021 Felony Division Zoom Directory PDF by HR on Scribd

  

We also have a "POD" schedule. Now, as readers of this blog know, we are a polymath. If you want to know why Eisenhower chose North Africa as the first place to start America's involvement in WWII, we can speak on the subject for hours, and give you detailed reasons for the failed battle at the Kasserine Pass. If you want to know why NASA chose lunar orbit rendezvous as the strategy to land on the Moon, we can delve into the details, and update you on Buzz Aldrin's doctoral paper at MIT on orbital mechanics. The plots of Shakespeare tragedies roll off our tongue almost unconsciously, and we can quote Romeo and Juliet from nearly beginning to end. If the origins of the universe intrigue you, cosmology is our hobby. Should you wish to debate the merits (there are none) of the designated hitter rule in baseball, pull up a chair and pop open a can of your favourite micro brew and lets begin. Longtime and careful readers of the blog know this about your humble blogger. 

However, when stymied, we fully admit the limits of our (vast) knowledge. We do not understand the appeal of Instagram, or Keeping up with the Kardashians, or how to snapchat. We can find the leakage in a stock's options pricing and sometimes exploit that for personal gain, but we do not understand much about television streaming services. 

Which brings us to this: PODS. We also present to you a POD schedule. However we are admittedly confused about the need and use of said POD. Do not Judges have Zoom in their courtroom? Then why a POD? What exactly is a POD? Has the REGJB been reconfigured? Are there White-House like situation rooms now sprinkled throughout the building? Is special attire required when entering a POD? If we have a case set for court, how do we know whether to use the Zoom ID or somehow gain access to a POD? The micro-seconds after the big bang can be explained with mathematics within our grasp. The expansion of energy was a once-in-a-universe's-lifetime-event. We know why the universe did not expand evenly and we (sadly) understand why it will continue to slowly expand until our sky is a dark vast void. But we do not understand PODs. 

Here is the POD document. Do with it what you wish. 

Pod Schedule 2021 by HR on Scribd

JUDICIAL RELOCATIONS 2021

 We have advanced degrees in Economics and Political Science as well as literature. We have been members of multiple state bar associations since almost before Joe Biden was a senator (not quite, but close). We sent the first prosecutor scurrying to the showers bruised and beaten when Leonid Brezhnev was alive and in power. For fun we solve differential equations and ponder string theory. 

Our point is we have some semblance of intelligence, although legal minds may differ.  

But this we cannot make heads or tails of.

Judicial Relocations 2021 [12!16!20] Aa by HR on Scribd

 

The diagrams of the first American Nuclear weapons allegedly stolen by Ethel And Julius Rosenberg would be more comprehensible than this. Ancient Sumerian texts uncovered after eons of time describing complex mathematical formulae are easier to decipher. The  NSA currently has a team of cryptographers examining the document and the CIA may replace the Kryptos  puzzle outside of their HQ in Virginia with this document. 

This document, subject to a recount in Georgia, purportedly indicates where judges will be assigned in Miami Dade County in 2021. 

You figure it out.