You can't make this up.
The President of the United States wants to combat gun violence in schools by.....arming teachers.
PS 110. East Village. NYC. 2021.
Ms. Postdam's Kindergarten class.
First Day of School. o
Good morning class. I am Ms. Postdam. Please find your seats. Welcome boys and girls to the President Donald Trump Grade School in New York. As we all know, President Donald Trump was born and raised in New York. In fact, when you look out the window, you can see the President Donald Trump Firearm and Ammunition store. It's right across the street and next to the President Donald Trump and Vice President Vladimir Putin's chain of Russian-American Friendship Tea and Vodka Shoppes.
Class, we have a few rules in Kindergarten. If you need to go poopy or peepee you need to raise you hand and ask to go to Mr. Potty.
If you are hungry, then raise your hand and ask for Mr. Snackee.
And if a bad man comes to the school to kill all of you and your friends with his assault rifle, then you need to tell me right away to get Mr. Boom-Boom.
Does everyone understand?
Now today, we are going to start with finger painting. Then we are going to learn the "Lock Hillary Up and Throw her in Jail Song!" But before we start singing, we are going to learn the pledge of allegiance to President and Dear Leader Donald Trump.
But first we need to learn a safety issue. It's called "duck and cover."
Let's pretend a bad man comes and has an automatic rifle, which of course is his god given right to own and possess. But lets pretend he is having a bad day and instead of hunting doves with his AR-15 automatic rifle with dum-dum bullets, he decides to show up to school and kill everyone like happened right here in this school eleven times last year.
Who knows what to do? Sally?"
Sally: We duck and cover!
Ms. Postdam: That's right Sally. You duck under your desk and cover your head with your hands. Ask your grandparents. In the 1950's they had to learn how to duck and cover because before Vice President Vladimir Putin became Vice President of the United States while also being President of Russia, people in the United States were worried Russia would blow them all up with a thermo-nuclear weapon. And the best way for us to survive a nuclear weapon one hundred times more powerful than the one we dropped on Hiroshima, Japan, is to duck and cover. In fact, it's a known fact that if the Japanese had all learned to duck and cover, they would have won the war. Now we can use those same skills that protected your grandparents from 10,000 degree nuclear heat, to protect us from bullets fired from a high-powered semi-automatic weapon.
Now, let's all start our day by saying the pledge of allegiance, which of course is now the law:
"I pledge allegiance to our dear leader President Donald Trump and the United States of America and Russia. And to our dear leaders, who protect our lives, we pledge- unlike former FBI Directors, everlasting loyalty to our dear leader President Donald Trump. So Help Us God."
Wonderful. Now we are going to learn the "Lock her up" song.
"Who's responsible for everything bad?
Hillary-LOCK HER UP!
Who's responsible for fake news?
Hillary-LOCK HER UP!
And who's the one who lied about global warming?
Hillary- LOCK HER UP!
And who's the one who opposed our dear leader and almost wrecked our lives?
Hillary, Hillary, Hillary....LOCK.....HER UP!
Excellent class. Now if you will all take out your Russian books we will start with lesson one....
From Occupied America, there are people who dream of a place like this. Where teachers are armed, and children are brainwashed. Fight The Power!
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