HE LOSES

From time to time we take a brief, mostly unwanted, foray into Civil law. Yuck. But we still recall those days from way back, a meek law student, sitting in the front row of Contracts, lugging around the UCC. 

A contract contains the elements of an offer, acceptance, and consideration. 

An offer is a manifestation of willingness to enter into a contract so made as to justify the recipient from concluding that his or her acceptance is invited and shall conclude the deal. (Calamari and Perillo on Contracts. From memory. No kidding. )

With these legal precepts in mind, we bring to you the contractual problem of one John Ciardi, Esq (possibly- it's not clear) a retired gent living the good life in Key West, and Marianny Benetiz a/k/a pick any sports car or month (e.g., Lexus or April)- and the business deal that went south recently. 

Mr. Ciardi met Ms. Bentiez in an establishment called Living Dolls, and persuaded and enticed by her attributes which were apparently well advertised (dress for success we always say) Ciardi paid Benitez one hundred dollars for a private dance. The money was exchanged and the services were provided.  So far, so good. 

With one successful deal under their belt (garter or otherwise), Ciardi upped the ante and paid Benitez two hundred dollars and in return he expected additional "personal favors and services".  Offer-made. Consideration- paid. But as happens so often in these complex commercial transactions muddled by our brethren civil lawyers, the issue of acceptance is muddled.  To make matters worse, the contract was oral (no smart comments please) and thus the statute of frauds comes into play. See the article below, which you can also click on here.  

A retired Massachusetts lawyer vowed to make a citizen’s arrest Wednesday against a Key West stripper when she would not have sex with him or return money he paid her, according to police.

A patrolman warned John L. Ciardi, 62, that if he went inside the Living Dolls strip club on Fleming Street to confront the woman, he would be the one arrested. Cialdi could not be reached for comment.

Ciardi, from Peabody, Mass., told police officers that he paid Living Dolls employee Marianny Benitez $300 for “services,” and Benitez would not do what he wanted her to do. She also would not give him his money back, Ciardi told the patrolman.

When Hammers told Ciardi, who was waiting outside the club, he was not going to arrest anyone for not giving back his money, “Ciardi became enraged and began using vulgar language,” Hammers wrote in his report. 

[Rumpole says: Don't you hate it when these lawyers get all legal and start threatening injunctions and restraining orders and estoppel and  all this technical legal crap?]

“Ciardi accused me of protecting the business and refusing to do my job,” Hammers wrote.

Ciardi also reportedly told Hammers several times that he was a prosecutor. It’s not clear if he was a prosecutor, but according to the Salt Lake Tribune, Ciardi was disbarred in Utah in 2014.

Ciardi next told Hammers he was going back inside Living Dolls to make a “citizen’s arrest.” Hammers warned Ciardi that if he did, “he would be placed in handcuffs.”    

Ciardi reportedly vowed to return “at a later date to make a citizen’s arrest,” Hammers wrote.

“After returning Ciardi his identification,” wrote Hammers, “he stormed off with an unsatisfied attitude.” 

This is the problem with the law and lawyers. Their threats of legal action often ends up with no one being satisfied. Mediation is clearly required here. Perhaps one of the multitude of retired judges in Miami could offer their services. A nice trip to Key West, a grouper sandwich, a pina colada- there are worst ways to spend an afternoon. 

Moral of the story. (Actually there are many) 1) get the merchandise contemporaneously with payment. These shipping delays stink (unless you use Amazon Prime which is the best thing ever); 2) Only do business with reputable distributors; 3) One good business deal does not guarantee a second successful effort. Each deal must be independently evaluated for its own risks and rewards.  4) One word (insert your fav porn site here). Cheaper. Safer.  5) Why are disbarred Utah lawyers hanging out in Key West? Is Cayo Hueso some sort of approved refuge for these troubled legal souls? 6) This is nothing that a nice cheeseburger and a few cold ones couldn't have solved. Add a few tequilla shots and in the end, who cares? 

See You In Court.