WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL RICHARD E GERSTEIN JUSTICE BUILDING BLOG. THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO JUSTICE BUILDING RUMOR, HUMOR, AND A DISCUSSION ABOUT AND BETWEEN THE JUDGES, LAWYERS AND THE DEDICATED SUPPORT STAFF, CLERKS, COURT REPORTERS, AND CORRECTIONAL OFFICERS WHO LABOR IN THE WORLD OF MIAMI'S CRIMINAL JUSTICE. THIS BLOG HAS BEEN CALLED "THE DEFINITIVE BLOG ON MIAMI CRIMINAL LAW" BY THE NY TIMES, THE WASHINGTON POST, THE POPE, AND DONALD TRUMP WHO ALSO ONCE SAID IT WAS "REALLY GREAT". POST YOUR COMMENTS, OR SEND RUMPOLE A PRIVATE EMAIL AT HOWARDROARK21@GMAIL.COM

Friday, April 04, 2014

CAPTION CONTEST

Submit your best caption and much like the New Yorker Magazine, we will pick a winner:



From @Davidovalle305"s twitter account, Ted Mastos with client Sara Zamora, arrested for creating sexual fetish videos of torturing chickens. A crime most fowl indeed. 

Ovalle's article in the Herald is here. 

Our submission:

"Tell me this again....You did what?"




66 comments:

old guy said...

No, unlike you, I was never actually Indicted.

Anonymous said...

"WTF!!!????"

I am sure ted was saying something like that.

Fake Ted Mastos said...

"You gotta (chomp smack) be fucking (smack) kidding (smack chomp) me."

You know Ted was working the gum extra hard.

Anonymous said...

WORST. BONDSMAN. REFERRAL. EVAR.

Anonymous said...

What? You were expecting the judge to appoint Roy Black? You were torturing chickens to get your rocks off. You don't get to judge me!

Anonymous said...

"Really? There's a target audience for this kind of shit?"

Anonymous said...

"Let's hope none of the prosecutors are fond of chickens. If one of them has a pet chicken, you're fucked."

MC Waste Services, Inc said...

you never choke the chicken when being video recorded.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I will work for fresh eggs.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I spoke too soon when I mentioned the fickle finger of fate.

Anonymous said...

We're gonna get slaughtered.

Anonymous said...

"Little lady, when the studio said they needed more cock in your amateur videos, I don't think that's what they meant."

Anonymous said...

"You didn't hurt any dogs, did you?"

Anonymous said...

Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. Posting it on the internet? Priceless

Anonymous said...

I understand you do not want to go to jail behind this and will take probation. But I do not understand how you think the Judge will grant bond because your next movie begins shooting tomorrow!

Rumpole said...

I like 11:37 and 12:01 so far

Anonymous said...

12:01 for sure!

Anonymous said...

Did you save the gizzards?

Anonymous said...

10:45 brings out some esoteric history for erotic hysteria

Anonymous said...

NO: I'm not calling Colonel Sanders or Frank Perdue as an expert witness.

Anonymous said...

After the jury verdict we won't be shouting "winner winner chicken dinner!"

Anonymous said...

What part of the chicken did you put your fickle finger of fate in?"

Anonymous said...

Lol lol lol I love the comments. Attorneys can actually be funny... Who knew

Anonymous said...

"Where have you been all my life ?"

-TM

REAL FORMER JUDGE said...

I FUCKING LOVE TED!

Anonymous said...

Ummmm when I quoted a fee for a misdemeanor I didn't include this.

Anonymous said...

Ok but why were you arrested in a pollo tropical?

Anonymous said...

Which came first? The chicken or the ...

Anonymous said...

I'm too old for this shit.

Anonymous said...

Winner winner chicken dinner

Anonymous said...

Here comes Peter Cottontail .........

Anonymous said...

Back in my day we liked our porn clean and our judges dirty.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you'll get bond until after Easter. The whole chick thing worries me.

Anonymous said...

In my day chicks in porno flicks meant something different.

Anonymous said...

But the CIA says it's not torture.

Jan said...

Your mother must be so proud

Anonymous said...

Get a bucket of chicken
Have a barrel of fun

Anonymous said...

You pulled a rabbit out of where?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Green comes before the chicken and the egg.

BTDT

Anonymous said...

President of Chick filet called and will pay for her defense only if they were MALE chickens. He has no problem with that but, if gay female chickens, she can fry in hell.

Anonymous said...

I don't think that is what tarred and feathered means

Anonymous said...

With these new charges they filed (chomp/smack) a state continuance is in order (chomp/smack).

REAL FORMER JUDGE said...

What came first: the chicken or TED?

Anonymous said...

TM: What's your problem, lady, huh?

Client: Ugh, I should have called Alex Michaels.

Anonymous said...

Turn chicken shit into chicken salad.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I guess there 9 million and one stories in the NAKED city.

gl said...

I don't give a "cluck" what you did! I'll try to help you.

Anonymous said...

This fowl prosecution has no place in these hallowed halls.

Anonymous said...

Did Borat put you up to this?

Anonymous said...

To all you Knick fans (especially you Rumpole): is it really sound strategy to take the ball out of the hands of probably the best pure scorer in basketball so that J.R. Smith, in between arrests and suspensions now, can start gunning away with 3-point attempts? The W/L results seem to indicate no. #Goodluckintheplayoffs.

Anonymous said...

BEST POST EVER.

Ask yourself:
What would Sy Gaer have done?

Anonymous said...

"Well, (chomp chomp), you know (chomp chomp), you can't just do that. You gotta be like the rest of us. You gotta wine em and dine em first."

Anonymous said...

You will have friends both fair and fowl.

Where are you chickens in this shit storm?

Anonymous said...

Miami defense lawyer hopes to make Olympics as skeet shooter

While juggling his job in court, Assistant Public Defender Antonio Valiente hopes to make the Olympics shooting skeet for Paraguay.

http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/04/06/4042812/miami-defense-lawyer-hopes-to.html

Anonymous said...

So where did all the "chomp, chomp" shit come from. I have known Ted Mastos for over 30 years and cannot for the life of me know why someone keeps insulting him with those chomp, chomp comments.

Anonymous said...

Honey, you're out of cluck.

Alex Hofmann said...

"I know... but they only had orange"

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Amazing caption contests: http://captionit.co/ :-)
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Anonymous said...

Sorry to be a buzz kill, but your juvenile comments fail to acknowledge the fact that she contributed to the torture of innocent animals. But by all means, continue to high-five each other and joke about this content. Oh, aren't you all so very (smack) funny.

Anonymous said...

To 8:28. Poetic license. Take a quirky personality feature and exaggerate it. Think of an old fashioned editorial cartoon that embellished a nose, cheek, or eyes 100 x. It's called being funny.

Anonymous said...

TED: "All we need is one Hen on the jury and we are screwed"….

Anonymous said...

4/6/14 @ 10:04 pm,

You're such a pussy

Anonymous said...

Ted: "Okay, I can do the case for $2,500 and an all access login to the site."

Anonymous said...

I think you're right, we should not have left that lady from P.E.T.A. on the jury.

Anonymous said...

When you ruffle the wrong chicken feathers, then you can produce a sexual fetish chicken porn. drmrs 4/8/2014

Anonymous said...

Make up your mind already and tell me, what do you like better, breasts or thighs?

Anonymous said...

So that's why the chicken crossed the road!