There are important things like judicial races (and candidates like Renier De La Portilla who don't believe in the presumption of innocence) and then there is Football. Are you ready for some football?
SURVIVOR POOL
For a record breaking 30th year* the earth quaking, booty shaking, Fake Alex Michaels pick making, viagra takin, world famous E STREET BAND Justice Building Survivor pool returns!
You know the rules. Send an email to FBpool12@gmail.com to play. Last year's champion Feet of Clay Kaeiser looks to repeat. Retired Judge Jon Colby, currently in Miami, and a long-time enthusiastic player, was the runner up. Colby can taste hosting the famous Rumpole Survivor Pool Trophy**. But as we all know it takes a combination of luck and skill to outwit, out last and out survive a deep and talented pool of experienced football survivor pool players. So send an email to FBpool12@gmail.com and answer this simple riddle: who am I? I am running for Judge. I have sent a flyer attacking a siting judge for being racially targeted and wrongfully arrested while in college although I well know he was exonerated shortly after his arrest, and I do not believe in the presumption of innocence. Hint: Fidel Castro has endorsed his candidacy.
Solve the riddle and become a SP playa!
The rules are simple. You pick one team every week to win. No spread. Just a win. You get one pass for any week you like. There are in-season contests to get you more passes and an extra special extra life.
First week;s contest. The season kicks off with the Super Bowl Champ LA Rams playing the Super Bowl contender Buffalo Bills. Person(s) closest to the point total wins an extra week's pass. This means if the Bills win 35-34 and you guessed 69, you win. Any player getting the exact score correct (ie., Bills 9 Rams 6- if that is the exact score at the end of the game you get a second life in survivor pool) wins the extra life bonus. For the judges that are playing, a week's pass allows you to safely sit on the sidelines for a week and automatically advance to the next week. Send an email to FBpool12@gmail.comand you will automatically be added to the list. And don't forget to send your week one pick. We are really serious about the FBpool12@gmail.com address. We will NOT register you or accept any picks to our regular email. Several blogger/SEC/ European Union rules prohibit running contests from an award-winning blogger's email address (and it causes us too much confusion mixing blogger tips with football picks).
FANTASY FOOTBALL
Long time player De la Over is chomping at the bit to play this season. He lost in the finals to yours truly although he was the favorite and had the stronger team. But as Vince Lombardi once said "luck is the residue of design" and although we had a rough start to the season, we stuck with our team, tweaked our lineup, and held true to the strategy of drafting kicker, defense, backup kicker, in the first three rounds.*** Sounds counter intuitive to all those "grab running backs first" players, but you cannot argue with success. Watch these pages for the signup info for the league and the all important draft day. The more players the merrier. MDLO was the de-facto and de-jure commissioner last year, helping us run the league, and we will be imposing upon his good nature for the same this year.
*Hyperbole. We don't remember when we started this, but it was a long time ago.
**More Hyperbole. No such trophy exists.
*** This only works when you use our patented KD (kicker defense) scoring system where field goals are awarded 9 points for under 30 yards and 11 points between 31-50 and 17 points over 50 yards and 11 points for each sack and Int a defense records. We often threaten this in our league, but after an outcry we always go back to the standard and mundane PPR scoring system.
My pick is in. This is my year.
ReplyDeleteThe answer is Fredo de la Tortilla
ReplyDeleteVat? You think because i am gone I don’t play? I play. I vin. I beat all you players. You know who I meet here who help me vith my picks? Try Don Shula! Johnny Unitas. Steve Jobs ( I play canasta vith him every Sunday. He cheats a little but I don’t care )
ReplyDeleteI vin survivor pool. Den I come back and try case before Judge Miranda and show her whose best. Try holding me now in contempt Ha. I have higher authority to answer to.
FAM
Hanzy: we playing survivor pool this year coco?
ReplyDeleteCoco : I came in second last year Hanzy.
Hanzy: but can we play together? Have breakfast at Greenstreets in the grove every Sunday morning. You know I love their granola and yogurt and berries. We can meet and make our picks.
Coco: I’m in!
Hanzy: I’m in.
( guys try a high five but then realize they’ve been texting each other)
Sign up for the exclusive Hanzy and Coco survivor pool picks and fantasy football weekly cheat sheets. $9.95 a month and get their fantasy football podcast emailed to your inbox every Friday night 24 hours before it is release along with their weekly cheat sheets. Go to Apple Apps store and search for the Hanzy and Coco fantasy app. It’s free to download ! (In app purchases available);
Rump let me say I’ve read the blog almost since day one. Hanzy and Coco are pure genius. I hope you know who is behind this. It’s so much fun. Please keep it up through the football season.
ReplyDeleteA loyal reader.
Love fake Alex and miss the real one.
ReplyDeleteYou and me both. “Fucks dem all.”
Delete