RUMPOLE'S JAIL VISIT ADVENTURE

 We often hear incarcerated  clients complain to judges that their lawyers never see them. We often see Judges tell lawyers to go see their clients in jail, like it's a visit to McDonalds. It is not. 

And so it came to pass that even Rumpole was unable (for the moment) to secure bond for a client and was forced to do something that we have not done in well over two years- trudge to the Dade County Jail. which BTW is known at PTD or the Pre Trial Detention Center- and go visit a client. 

A staff member called the jail. Unlike 11 Madison Park in Manhattan, or Nobu, no reservations needed. Just come on in. So we went, and thus  entered the black hole of time trying to see a client in jail. 

We waited in line outside while various food vendors and corrections officers carrying sacks full of fast food lined up to be screened. Important tip- don't go to the jail over lunch hour when trillions of calories are trucked in. 

We were screened and then had to surrender our DL because we did not have a quarter for the locker. We traded out DL for a locker key.  Then the officer asked if we were seeing the person on video- because if we were we needed to go around the corner. "No video for us" we said through our N95 mask. She just chuckled. We- who take such pride in reading the slightest twitch of a witness on the stand- ignored the signs. We know better. 

We went to the front desk and secured the comforting sight of a pink slip. Wrote in the jail number and location slipped our bar card and ID to the woman. "You want to see him on video right?"

"No thank you. In person please."

Well that caused a serious problem. A lot of huddling, pointing at us, more huddling, someone coming to the window to speak with us, and then taking a ten minute phone call while we stood there, and more huddling and then a sergeant: "You want to see him on video, right?"

"No sir. In person please."

"Hmmm....wait here." More calls. More huddling. Another supervisor. "I am advising you that the best thing to do is to see your client on video. If you just walk around the corner there is a video set up and I'll have him brought to the video room." 

We surrendered. It had been an hour. We had things to do. 

We walked around the corner to behind the PDs office and went to a window. We peered inside. It was an enormous dark room. About thirty feet away sat two corrections officers with their backs to us, facing an array of video machines. It was like the set up the NSA and Bill Gates have to track people who have been vaccinated for Covid. High tech. Well high tech except that with the three feet of bullet proof glass, and no one sitting at the window, and the two officers with their backs to us, we had no way of getting their attention. 

Twenty minutes later back to PTD. Back to the screening. Back to surrendering our ID because we still didn't have a quarter. Back to the window, where we told the woman our problem with the video. "Oh, no problem, Go back. I'll call them. Back to the locker. Back to getting our ID. Back out the door, Back down the street. Back to the window. Now there was only one officer, and she was facing the screens. It was not our day. Twenty minutes later an officer came into the Miami branch of the Gates/NSA/Covid tracking center and saw us. We handed them the slip. 

"Do you have an account?"

"Ummm....I do not think so."

Off she went to a computer to confer with Bill Gates. Back she came fifteen minutes later. "You do have an account, but this inmate is not on your list."

"Well, that makes sense. He was just arrested."

"No problem. I'll just add him."

She went to the computers. A supervisor came over. They huddled and pointed at me a few times. More conferring. More entering of Data. Perhaps they were concerned about when we were recently in NYC and ate Dim Sum in Chinatown according to their vaccine tracking data. 

They came back to us. "The computer will not let us add him to your account. Go back to the jail."

Back down the street. Back to the jail. Back to the line. Back to being screened. Back to giving them our DL because we didn't have a quarter. Back to the window with the now wrinkled pink slip. 

Corrections Officer: "We are going to bring him down so you can see him."

Rumpole: "Great."

Corrections Officer: "Umm can you come back in 90 minutes? We have shift change now."

Back to our car. Did you know there is no Starbucks nearby the REGJB? We drove to Biscayne Boulevard and secured some coffee. Time elapsed so far: three hours, twenty minutes. Back to the courthouse. Park. Back to the jail. Back to the line. Back to being screened. Still no quarter (we love the Starbucks app and have over a hundred stars). Back to the locker. Back to the front window. A new officer is there. We hand her the slip: "Ummm.... you want to see him on video right?"

Post Script. The story you have read is 100% true. It took us over five hours to see our client in the Dade  County Jail. Almost every officer we dealt with was polite and helpful. There is just a bureaucracy and significant hurdles in seeing a client in jail. Imagine if we had a two week trial to prepare for and had to do this every day for trial prep. 

So we say to our robed readers, especially the ones fond of pontificating how when they were in private practice they saw every client in jail every day and tried every case at the first trial setting- that the next time you wonder why the lawyer in front of you is being too lazy to spend a half hour with her client in jail, it is because at this point in time it is probably easier to be a Chinese spy trying to get into Mar A Lago, then it is to get into a jail and see a client.