TEXAS 2021

 Howdy, y'all. Let us take a look at our neighbor to the west, the Lone Star State. Rugged individualist who exemplify the American "go-it-alone" spirit. The place where all is well because Texans can wear their sidearms in Church and Kindergarten and the Piggly-Wiggly, as is guaranteed in the first forty-four amendments to the Constitution and and in the Bible: "Go forth and wear guns where you worship Jesus, where your children learn, and where you reap food (with 2 for 1 coupons on Tuesdays)" Luke: 23:5-7.  

The temperature fell a few degrees and folks we are here to tell ya that Texas fell apart. "Ohhh I'm cold, where is the federal government bringing help?"  Well Texans, you do not want to pay taxes. You chant "de-fund FEMA" and you support state's rights. So when your state is in trouble, just solve it, right? Three quarters of the country was in a deep freeze and and only you Texans were heard to whine. What? You don't have a winter coat and a hot cup-o-joe? Pluhleeze. What a bunch-a-wussies. The weather falls below zero in Vermont in August and doesn't get above zero until the end of July and they handle it with Yankee ingenuity just fine. Canada, those liberal gun-hating babies, is frozen year round, with nary a whimper. Texans have shotguns. Texans hunt. But they don't have one of those red checkered jackets for a cold snap?  

Let's look at what Texas did right.      

No. Seriously. 

El Paso. El Paso Did not lose power. Stores were open for food and fuel and water. Why? Because in 2011 after El Paso was hit with the type of freeze that crippled the rest of Texas in 2021, El Paso, those liberal commie bastards, did something unusual.  They didn't pray, they fixed their problem. They insulated their existing power stations. They built a power station that could switch in minutes from natural gas to fuel so that if natural gas pipelines froze, their fuel in supply tanks could be used. They raised taxes and utility rates for a few years and modernized. 

And Ted Cruz. Really. Senator Cruz is apparently one of the only smart people in Texas, as befitting his liberal, north-eastern law degree from Harvahard, Cruz did the smart thing. He looked around and said "feet don't fail me now" and he took his family to Mexico (the wall he supported the former president building only keeps Mexicans OUT. It lets Americans in. Duh.). Cabo San Lucas, specifically. Why sit in a house with no power and 20 degree weather when there is a Four Seasons with 80 degree weather just waiting for you in Cabo? 

Do not blame the rest of  Texas that they are too stupid to get out of the cold. Celebrate that they have a senator who is smart enough to listen to the weather girl on WTEX. Just what did outraged Texans think Senator Cruz was going to be able to do if he stayed home? Mosey over to the Dallas power station and lean over Rex and Bubba who are under the generator in their oil stained overalls.  Ted Cabo: "Looks like you boys have your hands full."  Rex: "Uh, yeah. Can you hand me that wrench?" 

When the going gets tough, the smart go to the Four Seasons. That has always been our motto. If you are not industrious enough to make enough money to afford to fly your family to Cabo and the Four Seasons, whose fault is that? Obama's obviously. But until then, let's celebrate what Texas did right:  El Paso and one wickedly smart Senator. 

Meanwhile for those of you in Texas who read this blog, it was 80 degrees here in Miami all week. Just sayin.