Tuesday, March 31, 2020

GET OUT OF JAIL CARD

The following email has been approved for all ages by the Motion Picture Association of America. 


Friends,

The goal of agreed orders for release is two-fold.  First, to get inmates out quickly who both sides agree should be released.  Second, to avoid bogging down the duty judge and Corrections with matters that are unopposed.  The downside of using agreed orders is that Corrections is not in the room with us, with the inmate’s jail card, to correct and fill in missing information.  This makes it imperative that when you submit orders to me the information be complete and completely accurate.  This is a situation where you want to “measure twice and cut once.”  Corrections is very backed up.  When there is missing or incorrect information, Corrections will not advise me for a day or two.  I then have to reach out to you, get the correct information, re-submit the Order, and the inmate goes to the back of the queue.  This means it will actually take longer than if the matter had been set before the duty judge in 1-5.  Please get this message across to your lawyers.  The most common errors we are getting:

  • Missing jail numbers and/or date of birth
  • Transposed numbers
  • Missing case numbers (e.g., defendant is being released on F20-0000, but he’s also in custody on F20-0001, and this second case was not listed on the Order)


Rumpole notes that the obligatory trip to Dr. No on the 6th floor is no longer necessary. Ah what we wouldn't give for the world to be back to normal when all it took was at least eight trips to the 6th floor in which we never once practiced social distancing: 

Trip One
"Here's the order. Notarized" 
"You don't have the jail number on the order."
Trip Two
"Here's the order. Notarized with a jail number."
"You don't have the date of birth on the order."
"Can you please tell me what else is missing?"
"Sure, the cell number and the blood type and the SKU code and the solution to the CIA Kryptos puzzle."
Trip Three:
Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution." 
"You only have five certified orders. We need six."
Trip Four:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. And partial solution to the CIQ Kryptos puzzle with six notartized orders." 
"The order is signed in black ink. It needs to be in blue ink."
Trip Five:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue."
"It's after four pm. I need a new order tomorrow with the new date."
NEXT DAY
Trip Six:
"Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue. With today's date." 
"The order doesn't say subequent order based on the original order signed yesterday."
Trip Seven:
SIGN ON THE DOOR TO DR NO'S OFFICE:
"OUT. ILL. RETURN TOMORROW"
Trip Eight:
Here's the order. Notarized with the jail number, date of birth, blood type, SKU code. But we could not solve the CIQ Kryptos puzzle completely. Here is the partial solution. with six notarized orders signed in blue with today's date and indicating that it is a subsequent order to yesterday's order."
"The Jail is shut down and not releasing anyone. Please come back later."


Ah what we wouldn't give to have our time wasted like the good old days. 


11 comments:

  1. Love, Actually
    Greatest movie in the history of the world.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The greatest review ever, and it is about Love Actually. A sample: "Love Actually’s central moral lesson: The less a woman talks, the more lovable she is."

    https://jezebel.com/i-rewatched-love-actually-and-am-here-to-ruin-it-for-al-1485136388

    ReplyDelete
  3. I need the greatest steakhouse in Miami Beach Mortons or a close second Houstons to make me one of their special ribeyes. Thems good eatin and I need me some.
    A blue ascot which can double as a mask, played off a nice double breasted tan blazer and a pair of black slacks with a cotton white or- get crazy- yellow ribbed shirt nicely completes the outfit for a young gentleman's visit to a classic steakhouse.

    Some Black Gucci loafers goes well, but so do some of the fun gray canvas Madden sneaker-shoes. Have fun- push the fashion envelope. It's a no-rules virus free-for-all when it comes to a night out with fashion.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Real Fake Blecher (RFB)Tuesday, March 31, 2020 5:21:00 PM

    Nice to have the Dandy back and contributing.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is it time to permit depositions by Zoom/Skype? I think so. Sir Rumpole, now is the time to make it happen. So can we get agreement with the SAO, PDs office and the chief judge?

    BR

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can't get a table at Prime 112 except at 530 or 1045. Maybe I can get a freaking table on Zoom at 8. I'll make my own f'ing steak and just eat staring at a screen of the dinning room. F;in snobs won't let me.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The China Ren Group and Shanghai Ren (An Asian Venue) announced yesterday that the Shanghai Ren 35,000 sq foot industrial food factory that can turn out 38,000 dumplings a day has converted 75% of its factory to manufacturing N95 masks and hospital respirators. China is preparing for the return of Covid 19 in the fall and they will not be caught short.
    What are we doing in the US for the fall? NOTHING

    ReplyDelete
  8. If you want to feel good, watch Mark Eiglarsh on Facebook. His live video helps you live a life with happiness. He wrote a book. He is like Tony Robbins. No joke.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Style question?

    Ok to wear TRETORN sneakers with Purple Label White jeans, alligator belt, Izod shirt and blue blazer while on a ZOOM Court Hearing?

    ReplyDelete
  10. NO Unless you are a retired Judge with an interest in Chicken-Delight franchises in Sheboygan, Wisconsin.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes if you are an aging lawyer trolling Williams Island for 30 something real estate agents who are now flat on their succulent behinds.

    ReplyDelete