From @Davidovalle305"s twitter account, Ted Mastos with client Sara Zamora, arrested for creating sexual fetish videos of torturing chickens. A crime most fowl indeed.
Ovalle's article in the Herald is here.
Our submission:
"Tell me this again....You did what?"
No, unlike you, I was never actually Indicted.
ReplyDelete"WTF!!!????"
ReplyDeleteI am sure ted was saying something like that.
"You gotta (chomp smack) be fucking (smack) kidding (smack chomp) me."
ReplyDeleteYou know Ted was working the gum extra hard.
WORST. BONDSMAN. REFERRAL. EVAR.
ReplyDeleteWhat? You were expecting the judge to appoint Roy Black? You were torturing chickens to get your rocks off. You don't get to judge me!
ReplyDelete"Really? There's a target audience for this kind of shit?"
ReplyDelete"Let's hope none of the prosecutors are fond of chickens. If one of them has a pet chicken, you're fucked."
ReplyDeleteyou never choke the chicken when being video recorded.
ReplyDeleteYes, I will work for fresh eggs.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I spoke too soon when I mentioned the fickle finger of fate.
ReplyDeleteWe're gonna get slaughtered.
ReplyDelete"Little lady, when the studio said they needed more cock in your amateur videos, I don't think that's what they meant."
ReplyDelete"You didn't hurt any dogs, did you?"
ReplyDeleteErotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. Posting it on the internet? Priceless
ReplyDeleteI understand you do not want to go to jail behind this and will take probation. But I do not understand how you think the Judge will grant bond because your next movie begins shooting tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI like 11:37 and 12:01 so far
ReplyDelete12:01 for sure!
ReplyDeleteDid you save the gizzards?
ReplyDelete10:45 brings out some esoteric history for erotic hysteria
ReplyDeleteNO: I'm not calling Colonel Sanders or Frank Perdue as an expert witness.
ReplyDeleteAfter the jury verdict we won't be shouting "winner winner chicken dinner!"
ReplyDeleteWhat part of the chicken did you put your fickle finger of fate in?"
ReplyDeleteLol lol lol I love the comments. Attorneys can actually be funny... Who knew
ReplyDelete"Where have you been all my life ?"
ReplyDelete-TM
I FUCKING LOVE TED!
ReplyDeleteUmmmm when I quoted a fee for a misdemeanor I didn't include this.
ReplyDeleteOk but why were you arrested in a pollo tropical?
ReplyDeleteWhich came first? The chicken or the ...
ReplyDeleteI'm too old for this shit.
ReplyDeleteWinner winner chicken dinner
ReplyDeleteHere comes Peter Cottontail .........
ReplyDeleteBack in my day we liked our porn clean and our judges dirty.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you'll get bond until after Easter. The whole chick thing worries me.
ReplyDeleteIn my day chicks in porno flicks meant something different.
ReplyDeleteBut the CIA says it's not torture.
ReplyDeleteYour mother must be so proud
ReplyDeleteGet a bucket of chicken
ReplyDeleteHave a barrel of fun
You pulled a rabbit out of where?
ReplyDeleteMr. Green comes before the chicken and the egg.
ReplyDeleteBTDT
President of Chick filet called and will pay for her defense only if they were MALE chickens. He has no problem with that but, if gay female chickens, she can fry in hell.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that is what tarred and feathered means
ReplyDeleteWith these new charges they filed (chomp/smack) a state continuance is in order (chomp/smack).
ReplyDeleteWhat came first: the chicken or TED?
ReplyDeleteTM: What's your problem, lady, huh?
ReplyDeleteClient: Ugh, I should have called Alex Michaels.
Turn chicken shit into chicken salad.
ReplyDeleteWow! I guess there 9 million and one stories in the NAKED city.
ReplyDeleteI don't give a "cluck" what you did! I'll try to help you.
ReplyDeleteThis fowl prosecution has no place in these hallowed halls.
ReplyDeleteDid Borat put you up to this?
ReplyDeleteTo all you Knick fans (especially you Rumpole): is it really sound strategy to take the ball out of the hands of probably the best pure scorer in basketball so that J.R. Smith, in between arrests and suspensions now, can start gunning away with 3-point attempts? The W/L results seem to indicate no. #Goodluckintheplayoffs.
ReplyDeleteBEST POST EVER.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself:
What would Sy Gaer have done?
"Well, (chomp chomp), you know (chomp chomp), you can't just do that. You gotta be like the rest of us. You gotta wine em and dine em first."
ReplyDeleteYou will have friends both fair and fowl.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you chickens in this shit storm?
Miami defense lawyer hopes to make Olympics as skeet shooter
ReplyDeleteWhile juggling his job in court, Assistant Public Defender Antonio Valiente hopes to make the Olympics shooting skeet for Paraguay.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/04/06/4042812/miami-defense-lawyer-hopes-to.html
So where did all the "chomp, chomp" shit come from. I have known Ted Mastos for over 30 years and cannot for the life of me know why someone keeps insulting him with those chomp, chomp comments.
ReplyDeleteHoney, you're out of cluck.
ReplyDelete"I know... but they only had orange"
ReplyDelete*****************
Amazing caption contests: http://captionit.co/ :-)
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Sorry to be a buzz kill, but your juvenile comments fail to acknowledge the fact that she contributed to the torture of innocent animals. But by all means, continue to high-five each other and joke about this content. Oh, aren't you all so very (smack) funny.
ReplyDeleteTo 8:28. Poetic license. Take a quirky personality feature and exaggerate it. Think of an old fashioned editorial cartoon that embellished a nose, cheek, or eyes 100 x. It's called being funny.
ReplyDeleteTED: "All we need is one Hen on the jury and we are screwed"….
ReplyDelete4/6/14 @ 10:04 pm,
ReplyDeleteYou're such a pussy
Ted: "Okay, I can do the case for $2,500 and an all access login to the site."
ReplyDeleteI think you're right, we should not have left that lady from P.E.T.A. on the jury.
ReplyDeleteWhen you ruffle the wrong chicken feathers, then you can produce a sexual fetish chicken porn. drmrs 4/8/2014
ReplyDeleteMake up your mind already and tell me, what do you like better, breasts or thighs?
ReplyDeleteSo that's why the chicken crossed the road!
ReplyDelete