REINVENTING REEMBERTO

Congratulations to Reemberto Diaz for his appointment to the Circuit Court. No truth to the rumor that the Governor Jeb “Holly go lightly” Bush bumped his head before calling Mr. Diaz. Some truth to the rumor that Reimberto was somewhere between Miami and Key Largo when his cell phone rang. (More about Rumpole and the Federal Public Defenders, infra. )

Condolences to Circuit Court Judge Israel Reyes. “Schwartzed” in his attempt to join the Third “PCA Affirmed” DCA, (Rothenberg concurs in an opinion in which the fourth amendment is ruled unconstitutional). Izzy could not have been thrilled when the former County Court Judge maneuvered himself into a free six year circuit slot riding the robes of Judge Reyes. More on this in an upcoming post.

RUMPOLE SIGHTINGS:

“Rumpole is in Key Largo”; “Rumpole is in Broward”; “Rumpole is in trial in Dade”; “Where’s Rumpole?

Rumpole never comments on where Rumpole exactly is at any one moment as “Rumpologists are too quick to try and deduce our identity.

As to the Federal Public Defenders and their conference at hoity toity Ocean Reef, lets just say that you probably will never see the Federal Public Defender and Rumpole having “elevenesses” together. There’s a long and sordid tale as to why Rumpole is persona non grata as far as the Federal Public Defenders go, but suffice to say that you would be more likely to find Rumpole welcome at the local bar getting his “buy 11 dozen chicken wings…get the 12th dozen free” card stamped, then mixing it up with a bunch of Feds at some club that wouldn’t have us if we had more money than Bill Gates.

“Muffy…what is that awful man doing in the club house?”
“I don’t know Winthrop…he’s one of those horrid criminal defense attorneys here for the weekend.”
“Well, call security because he’s eating all the cocktail franks.”


We occasionally wander into Federal Court, where despite the frowns our stained outer garments draw from the Judges and the Clerks, (not to mention the guffaws from the prosecutors) we manage to thump a few Feds right where their ego lives. However, our un-orthodox methods do not endear us to the Federal Public Defenders.

Who wants to spend their career arguing for downward departures all week long anyway?

As our famous countryman said: “Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.'' (Winston Churchill in a speech in 1941 to his old school Harrow)

This is a federal criminal system where a defendant can argue for a downward departure for “voluntarily disclosing an offense” where without the disclosure his crime would never have been discovered. See, 36million and something USC 12.blahblahah USSG..E=MC/2.

Voluntarily disclosing a crime gets you less time in Federal Court?
In state court it gets you a well deserved psych eval!

You can take your 36 volume sentencing manual, and your downward departures, and your flips, and snitches, and fancy CLE seminars and clubs that won’t have us and put it where… John Ashcroft would call it a crime against nature.

Give us a good drug case and a lying City of Miami Cop, or a battery on a Miami Beach Officer (query: How many Miami Beach Police Officers does it take to throw a defendant down a flight of stairs? None. “He fell.”) and let us have at it on cross examination without the worry that we will be indicted.

Go to any Magistrate 10:30 hearing downtown:
AUSA: Your honor, the defense has turned down a chance to cooperate and entered a plea of not guilty.
The Court: “Take counsel into custody.”

So, knowing all that, do you really think we were sipping gin and tonics with our friendly federal defenders? We know we’ve probably offended our favorite federal blogger David O Markus, but he’s a big boy, he can take it. And we are already setting aside time to read the long lecturing email from Judge Barzee formerly of the Federal Public Defenders office. So be it.

See you in the REAL courts this week.