We have the answers, in another edition of one of our more popular features.
Q: Rump what happened Thursday?
A: Thursday was a normal day in the USA and the world. Israel bombed Iran and President Trump threatened similar actions to Los Angeles. A District Court Judge ruled the President could not usurp the Governor's control of the National Guard Thursday afternoon. By Thursday evening an appellate court temporarily reversed that ruling. And during the day a Boeing Dreamliner crashed in India shortly after takeoff killing everyone on board except one guy in seat 11A who was able to open the emergency exit and walk out of the crash with a few scratches.
Q: Is California really that bad?
A: Yes, it's bad. The Marines were preparing to engage a group of rowdy first graders who were refusing to take nap time. Trump ordered the Airborne to prepare for a "Normandy style drop" into LA to stop protestors from making fun of him, and artillery was brought into to stop the ACLU from criticizing the President. Oh yeah, an impertinent US Senator from California asked a question at a press conference and was wrestled to the ground by law enforcement. The House then voted along party lines to pass the "No Questions At Press Conferences" bill later in the day.
Q: What about our Courthouse?
A: The Dade State Attorney's Office kept their streak of 183 days of asking for a maximum sentence based on the victim's wishes intact. "Just because a bad check was for twenty dollars doesn't mean a lengthy prison sentence to maintain law and order is not called for. Especially when the defendant also smokes marijuana." There was also still no acknowledgement that the office employed a cabal of prosecutors led by Michael Von Zamft who lied to courts on murder cases.
Q: What exactly did Israel do?
A: This is complicated. In military terms they bombed the crap out of Iran, killing the top ranks of the Iranian Military leadership (motto "Stronger than the French Army was in 1939") and also bombing several airbases, and uranium enrichment sites.
Q: What does it mean to enrich uranium?
A: Well, it doesn't mean buying it shares of Nivida. It means refining the purity of uranium so it can be used in a nuclear weapon. For civilian reactor purposes for energy, uranium needs to be enriched to 6%. For a military bomb it needs to be enriched over 60%.
Q: So can Iran now make a nuclear weapon?
A: Probably. Israel did not strike the Fordo facility which is where the Iranians have the centrifuges to enrich uranium to weapons grade. The Fordo facilities are buried deep within a mountain and Israel is not known to have a "bunker buster" type bomb that the US has. Trump wanted to sell them some, but Musk fired the guys who keep track of them and no one can find our bunker buster bombs at the moment.
Q: What did our President say?
A: In a clear and concise response to the attack he condemned it and supported it, saying that Israel shouldn't do it, but that Iran brought it on themselves and Israel should do it. Many world leaders said that by now they were not surprised by the President's remarks and expected them.
Q: So what is Israel going to do?
A: They have a few options. They can bomb the Fordo facility's entrance and cave in some of the tunnels, essentially blocking access to the facility. They can also bomb the power plants that provide electricity to the facility. Because Iran's defenses have been so degraded, they could also land a commando strike force to enter the facility, go inside of it, and leave explosives, and then blow it up from the inside.
Q: Where is the Fordo facility?
A: Just outside the holy city of Qom.
Q: Why do they call it the holy city of Qom?
A: No one really knows. People just started calling it that several years ago and the name sort of stuck.
Q: How do you feel about things?
A: Pretty good. The Marines will have their hands full with the first graders who have been preparing water balloons and mocking the Marines on IG daring them to start something and calling their moms ugly. LA winds and fires will degrade the ability of Airborne to drop on LA. Although the ACLU doesn't have offices designed to withstand artillery. Israel is doing a good job with Iran. And by now everyone expects the Dade SAO to ask for the MAX on every case. So as we said at the start, Thursday was just a normal day in the world in 2025.
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