Monday, December 02, 2013


It's like the Steven King (writing as Richard Bachmann) classic short story: The Long Walk, as four ragged survivors struggle into the last two weeks of the season, pondering whether to pick The Browns, the Falcons, or the Vikings to try and stay alive. Yesterday we lost Alan Kaiser in overtime fittingly, as the Falcons stunned the Bills at home. Lurvey, Weisman, Lucy Lew and yours truly move on to next week. 


We now enter that difficult time of year when there's still two good trial weeks left, but no one really wants to try a case.  As your cases get continued, keep in mind Rumpole's number one rule of trials: DO NOT under any circumstances allow your case to be set for the first week of the new year. 

There are a few problems with a trial date on the first court date of the new year. First, you spend your holidays preparing for trial, and that stinks. Second, the judge spends her/his holiday making resolutions to try more cases in the new year and issue stiffer sentences to scare others from trying more cases. They come back rested from six or eight weeks of avoiding trials, having read a few self help-time management books, and they've arrived at a startling  idea: try a few cases in January, the word will get out, and they can coast the rest of the year. Don't let your client become that sacrificial lamb. 

The prosecutor meanwhile, has spent the holiday season being pestered by his/her spouse as to why "so and so" got promoted and s/he didn't? By the time the first trial week of the new year arrives, they are so primed and angry that they are desperate to find some poor defendant to take out their frustrations on. 

It's a stiff tide to swim against, and the prisons are littered with former clients serving lengthy sentences because their lawyer didn't follow Rumpole's First Rule of Trials: Do Not Try A Case In The First Week Of The New Year. 

Rumpole's first corollary to the First Rule Of Trials is as follows: plea offers decrease proportionally from the new year, per week, until they reach the equilibrium of the prior year. 
For example, if in November, you would be offered 364 for a sale of  6 grams of cocaine for a client with two drug possession priors, on January 1, the plea offer would be 8 years prison. 
On January 8, the plea offer would be 5 years prison. By January 15, the plea offer is 2 1/2, and by the middle of February you're offer is back to 364. 

We're giving you the  playbook we developed over 25 years of practice. People pay valuable money to hear this crap at CLE seminars all over the country. But you, dear blog readers, get this wisdom for free. Ignore it at your client's peril. 

See You In Court. 


Anonymous said...

Rump, you've only been an attorney since 1988? Your knowledge of personalities from the '70's suggest you're ten years older.

Anonymous said...

Bah humbug to your first rule of trials Rumpole. I'll have you know that I have never lost a trial the first week of the New Year.

old guy said...

I hate the middle weeks of January. Jurors just got their holiday bills from their credit card companies - and have spent last evening yelling at their spouse. They will take it out on your client. Be afraid - be very afraid.

Rumpole said...

I am all seeing, all knowing and eternal. I've done it all, seen it all, and done it better than anyone. You say I have a god complex? Let me tell you something, when I walk into that courtroom, I am god.

Anonymous said...


would you put yourself in league with jack denaro?

i have always suspect that you are roy black.

i know you all used to work together.

blackndenaro as they were once known..

Anonymous said...

Quoting Alec Baldwin's character from Malice, Rump? OK movie.

Rumpole said...

Jack Denaro is as good as it gets. The best.

Rumpole said...

945. It's easy to never lose a case if you never try a case.


Love Alec Baldwin in Malice and that tag line from the movie Rump. Not as good as "You want the truth, you can't handle the truth" from a Few Good Men, but right up there with ones like "Show Me the Money" or "You had me at hello".

I guess it's time for a Rump's Top Ten most memorable lines from the best movies segment.

My all-time favorite has and will always be from the 1944 classic "To Have and Have Not" when Bacall tells Bogart:

"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."

How about your favorites?

Hope you had a great holiday.

Cap Out ....

Anonymous said...

Rump, you call yourself a prognosticator?

I have been tracking and following your picks for the first 13 weeks of the season. As of today, with your brilliant picks this weekend that landed me in the pooper scooper, you were 1-4, (great pick of the J-E-T-S by the way, they suck suck suck), you are now 26-26 on the year.

Thanks for nothing.

Anonymous said...

robert deniro is better than jack denaro

Anonymous said...

I have tried a DUI case many times over the years right before Christmas. Always a not guilty too.

I agree... early January is a really bad time for a trial.

Rumpole said...

First of all knucklehead, I was 2-3 yesterday. Overall I believe I have averaged 4 of 5 wins per week and I am at 51-14 for the year.

Fact checker said...

Rump, really enjoy reading you but knuckle head is right. You did go 1-4 this weekend.

If you want a little extra holiday money then consider the Browns at home -7 over the Jags, the Eagles at home -3.5 over the resurgent Cardinals, the Broncos getting 3.5 in KC, and the Redskins at home -2.5 over the up and down Giants. And then let it all roll on the J...E....T....S -3 over the visiting Fins.

Your only win was the Broncos.
You lost the Browns, Redskins, and Jets outright and the Eagles did not cover.

That makes you 1-4.

Anonymous said...

As Johnny Carson once said as "Carnac the Magnificent" ....

"May a Gay Skycap drop your Brother's trunks..."

knucklehead said...

This is knucklehead. You probably won't print this because then it would expose you as a fraud.

Here are your 26 loses that you picked this year.

Week One

Bucs -3 over Jets LOST
Pats -10 over Bills LOST

Week Two

Indy -3 over Fins LOST
Pack -3 over Redskins LOST

Week Three

Jags +16 over Seattle LOST
Giants + 2.5 over Panthers (who you said "stink") Panthers won 38-0 LOST
Packers +1 over Bengals LOST

Week Four

Falcons - 2.5 over Pats LOST

Week Five

Chargers - 5.5 over Raiders LOST

Week Six

Steelers Jets over 41 LOST
Bengals -6 over Bills LOST
Broncos - 28 over Jags LOST

Week Seven

Broncos -6.5 over Indy LOST
Eagles -3 over Cowboys LOST
Jags over Chargers straight up LOST

Week Eight

Lions -3 over Cowboys LOST
KC -7 over Browns LOST
Jets +6 over Bengals LOST

Week Nine

Ravens -2.5 over Browns LOST
Bills +4.5 over Chiefs LOST
Cincy -3 over Fins LOST

Week Ten

no picks

Week Eleven

Jets Bills under 41 LOST

Week Twelve

No picks

Week Thirteen

Browns -7 over Jags LOST
Eagles -3.5 over Cards LOST
Redskins -2.5 over Giants LOST
Jets -3 over Fins LOST

Count em, that's 26 loses. Now you can list the 51 wins for your readers. Or they can check your own posts and see that you are now26-26 on the year.

Anonymous said...

Cap. Best line ever in great movies is a no contest with the Godfather and I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.

Also love Cool Hand Luke. What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Anonymous said...

Rump, you and I (mostly you) tried an attempted first degree together many years ago during the first week (and a half) of January. A nice not guilty on a misidentification case. Was the experience of working over the holidays (and I know you worked your ass off) really that bad?


Anonymous said...

Disagree, I got a delicious "not guilty" on a case that started on Jan 4 once.

Rumpole said...

Anyone can write nonsense and make it sound true, i.e.., "week one-LOSS" ect.

But having reviewed my numbers If anything, I underreported my wins. Plus, picking the Seahawks and over last night makes me 5-4 for the week.

Anonymous said...

If you're scared, get a dog.

casual better said...

Casual better here Rump. I learned a long time ago to not follow your spread picks but I do follow your over under picks religiously.

Tell knucklehead that you may be 26-26 on the year overall, but you are 8-2 when just betting the over unders you post.

And tell knucklehead that if he can't stand the heat of betting NFL games then he can always hit the tables in Vegas.

Anonymous said...

Best movie line ever: "Say 'what' one more goddamn time."

Anonymous said...

Rump, stocks or bonds for 2014?

I got out of the bond market over a year ago and went heavy on the stock portfolio. Good move as the investments are up more than 20%.

But, seeing a correction in the near term and thinking it may be time to get back into bonds. Maybe 20% of the portfolio.

What say you all knowing ?

Anonymous said...

Love this blog. Best and getting better

Anonymous said...

Anyone can write nonsense and make it sound true, i.e.., "week one-LOSS" ect.

You know nonsense better than anyone Rumpy, you post those nonsense picks every weekend. And then those knuckleheads actually follow and bet your picks. Serves them right if they are losing their shirts off your picks.

I'm taking the Fins plus 3 1/2 over the Seelers this weekend. How about you

Anonymous said...

purchase bonds if you think interest rates will go lower. sell socks if you think the fed will stop buying bonds. it sounds like you like to gamble. this is not a good thing when it comes to investing in equities and bonds. buy good companies and hold. buy good real estate and hold. lend money with good collateral. but most importantly, concentrate on making money at work and dollar cost average into stocks. take it from the cysco kid. he's paid and he is fast with the six gun.

Kissimmee Kid said...

"You see Danny, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don't want money, and I don't want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely."