TOP TEN CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS 5-2

  Now we get to the superstars, the best of the best. And other than number one, the rest are really interchangeable based of the charge and the location. For example Lee Bailey would be our pick for a murder defense over every other lawyer except #1, while our own Roy Black would be our #1 choice for a federal drug conspiracy, and you'd be a fool to walk into a court in Texas without Dick DeGuerin if you could get him.  And that brings us to #5 ...

5. Dick DeGuerin

Texas born, steel-eyed. Walked Robert Durst out of a Galveston murder charge on self-defense. Faced down the Waco inferno and the Tom DeLay circus. His genius: an unshakable calm when the whole courtroom was losing its mind, and he is fearless while defending his clients before Texas judges, who let's just say, would prefer that he come in second. You got a case in the lone star state? Dick DeGuerin is your man. 

 4. Roy Black

Miami’s own. The professor of cross-examination. The man who turned “reasonable doubt” into a living, breathing presence in every courtroom he entered. William Kennedy Smith, Rush Limbaugh, Justin Bieber—Roy made the impossible look casual. The GOAT of South Florida trial law. And one thing we learned from Roy was the power of humor. He had a wry sense of humor that he used as a scalpel during cross and closing- and when the jury was laughing, the prosecution was losing. The other thing about Roy was that he was a master of his craft because he mastered his craft- ordering transcripts of famous cases when he was just starting out, so that he could study the masters, and listening to speeches of great orators so he could incorporate their style into his own. His contribution to this blog about his successful defense of Officer Luis Alvarez in the case that made Miami burn can he found here. 

Now we are getting to the very rarified air of true legends. These are the GOATS of our profession. 

3. F. Lee Bailey

The original showman, the bridge between eras. Sam Sheppard’s savior, O.J.’s bulldog. Bailey believed the courtroom was theater and he was Olivier with a bar card. Nobody ever did a cross quite like him—equal parts charm and destruction. His book The Defense Never Rests is one of the reasons we became a criminal defense attorney. He had a brilliant legal mind and no one, and we mean that NO ONE prepared better for a trial than Lee Bailey. 

2. Edward Bennett Williams

If our #1 was cowboy wearing a bolo tie and boots, Williams was cufflinks and a limo. The D.C. legend who represented CIA directors and mob bosses in the same week. His preparation was so obsessive he probably knew what time the jurors brushed their teeth. He made power lawyering look elegant. He cut his teeth in the same type of criminal court in DC that is like the REGJB, and he rose to be the premier criminal defense attorney (along with Lee Bailey) of his generation. If there are two books every criminal defense attorney should read, they are Bailey's The Defense Never Rests, and The Man To See, the phenomenal biography of Williams. His clients included Jimmy Hoffa, Mobster Frank Costello, Senator Joe McCarthy, and Secretary of the Treasury John Connally. The list goes on and on, because for decades, if you had a criminal case, EBW was THE MAN to see. 

Attorney General Bobby Kennedy's Justice Department brought the case against Hoffa. Kennedy, who was a friend of EBW said he would "jump off the capital dome" if he didn't get a conviction of Hoffa. After the acquittal, EBW offered to buy Bobby a parachute, ending their friendship. 

What we love and admire about EBW is that he started small, representing burglars and defending misdemeanor and felony theft cases, and ended up defending some of the highest profile cases in the country. He knew how to defend a case, throw an elbow when required, how to outmaneuver the prosecution, and how to take a witness apart on the stand. He was a brilliant trial lawyer and our #2 greatest of the last generation of criminal defense attorneys. 

Combing tomorrow: The Greatest Trial Lawyer of the 20th Century. 

NFL WEEK 7 2025

 Good Sunday morning. We are going to take the day off today, as we were in Washington for the Kings Rally. Yes, you read that right. We are a group of people seeking to overturn the Declaration of Independence and bring  America back under the benevolent rule of England. 

That would mean fealty to King Charles. Let's consider that. He's a nice guy with a social conscience who believes in global warming. We could do worse- and we have. 

To be transparent, out Survivor pick was the Bengals...just kidding. We are rolling with the KC Chiefs, and our man Mahomes who has QB'd our Fantasy team from the bottom to second place, and he's just getting started. We will post the other picks by this evening. 

We like KC -162 (-12) over the Raiders [WIN].  Da Bears -4 at home over New Alwalins [WIN] , and the suddenly best team in the AFC East- the Cheaters -7 over Tennessee. [WIN] 

Enjoy your Sunday, and brush up on God Save The King. 

WEEK 7 by Anonymous PbHV4H

REQUIEUM FOR THE DOLPHINS     

Your Miami Dolphins are done. They have quit on each other. It's over Johnny. Put a fork in them. The team is in total disarray, and the coach has lost the locker-room.  They didn't just lose to the hapless Cleveland Browns, who since 1990 have had more quarterbacks than the president has read books- which actually isn't hard to do, but the point is the Browns are awful and the Dolphins are worse. 

And so now the question is -- they have a Qb with an ill-advised contract that pays him 50 million a year until 2090(or something like that). 

So what do your Fins do? Eat the contract (ala Denver and Russell Wilson) and clean house and start over, or just fire the coaching staff? Pretty much the only quality players they have are Achane, the two WRs and a TE, and maybe Mika in the secondary.  

What we do know for sure is that seats on the 50-yard line on the shady side of the stadium  will go for the price of a Big Mac for the rest of the year because if there is one thing this front-running-jump-on-the-bandwagon-town does not do is support a Miami team through thick and thin. When the Dolphins become competitive in 2032 the stadium will fill up with fans who will high-five each other and pretend to have come to all the games when the Dolphins stunk, but you- as blog readers- will know better. 

Miami has the Dolphins 

A lousy football team

they always go 3 and out

first downs are rarely seen 

Tua throws picks

The defense gives up TDs 

And when you're talking Miami ...

Well, you're not talking Miami because when your team is not competitive you drop them quicker than a MAGA supporter drops a book on the constitution. 

TOP TEN CRIMINAL DEFENSE ATTORNEYS

UPDATE: A protest is planned tomorrow at the Torch of Friendship in downtown Miami from 10am to 1pm 

Protest what? Something good we are sure. So if you want to fight the power, put on your tie-dyed shirt, take a gummie, and go march for social justice, in support of immigrants, preserving the Last Carrot in Coconut grove (being sold to a condo developer 😠) unfair parlay lines on the Hard Rock betting app, the Dolphins in general ( Hey hey Cluck Cluck don't you know the dolphins suck?) , the Supreme Court's secret "We Are For Trump" docket, or any other cause that seems appropriate. 

We live in an age of  plea bargains, Zoom Hearings,  and prosecutors who call a 36-month offer a “gift.” But once upon a time—and still, on the rare good day—there walked among us trial lawyers. Real ones. The kind who smelled of sweat, stale coffee, courtroom adrenaline, and Paco Raban. The kind who could talk a jury into seeing light where the government swore there was only darkness. 

They walk into a courtroom alone, carrying a battered brief case filled with legal pads that had undecipherable notes and proceed to destroy the prosecution’s case. When needy clients called, they growled “before they get to you they have to get through me” and then hung up the phone.

 Here, for your arguments and comments section brawls, are the ten greatest criminal trial defense attorneys of the past half-century—men and women who owned the well of the courtroom. Starting with numbers 10-6

 10. Johnnie Cochran

The poet of the  Dream Team  “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” should be engraved on the wall of every law school—and maybe tattooed on the arm of every defense lawyer who forgets the power of rhythm and rhyme in a closing. Cochran turned persuasion into performance art. He had the trial of the century, and he won it- enough said. But he was no one trick Pony. He made his bones suing the LAPD for brutality and became the lawyer they feared most.

 9. Judy Clarke 

While the men were chasing cameras, Clarke was saving lives.  Unabomber, Eric Rudolph, Jared Loughner. Boston Marathon bomber. Her genius wasn’t in “not guilty,” it was in "life-not death". A master of mitigation who could find humanity where others only saw evil. 

 8. Jerry Shargel 

The killer from Brooklyn. Defended mobsters, politicians, and moguls with surgical precision. His opening statements were symphonies; his crosses, scalpel work. When Shargel stood, prosecutors felt a sudden chill and jurors paid close attention.

 7. Benjamin Brafman 

The New York street fighter who could argue a mob case before breakfast and a celebrity scandal before lunch. He convinced a Manhattan jury that Sean Combs wasn’t packing heat in that club and made the DSK case evaporate. Swagger,  intellect, and  timing—he has it all.

 6.  Thomas Mesereau 

This is our guy. The silver-haired California samurai  who cross-examined Michael Jackson’s accusers into oblivion in 2005. A man who could charm a jury while slicing witnesses like sushi. Always the outsider, never the showboat, yet the show inevitably belonged to him. He became the center of attention in every courtroom he walked into- and he knew what to do with that attention.

We lived through the golden age of criminal defense attorneys. A time we fear is gone with harsher penalties and the trial tax that prosecutors and judges swear does not exist, but the rest of us know it does.  "Take five or risk thirty" is proving to be the death of the Sixth Amendment which is dying a slow-one plea at a time- death. 

 And now, even the best of us are no longer lone wolfs, showing up alone in some out-of-town courthouse in Missouri, New Mexico, or Delaware. Now we are accompanied by a team of twenty-somethings setting up our laptops to access the thousands of files on the terabytes of discovery turned over. 

One of the lawyers in our top five showed up in a Miami Courtroom in the 70's, unknown to the local feds, defending a client, and had a celebrity sitting in the front row- driving prosecutors to complain, and causing the judge to chuckle at their discomfort. Then he proceeded to smash their case like a boat crashing into a jetty.  Those days are gone, and we are the worse for it. 

NFL WEEK 6 2025

 We enter week 6 with a healthy bankroll thanks to the Indiana Hoosiers going on the road Saturday and beating #3 Oregon.  We had the money line +225 and it wasn't even close.  Then we spent our winning at Sunny's Steakhouse. 

The week opens with yet another 9 am game in London. The hapless 0-5 J E T S jets jets jets are looking for their first win against the Broncos. "Not bloody likely mate" as they saw in the Eastend.  If you need the action, lay the 7 and take Denver. Otherwise the over 43.5 is doable, but that half point is bothering us. Tease is down with a cupa tea and a scone.  Off topic, but does anyone really like a scone? It's like eating sawdust. 

We do not like a lot of the spreads today. 

Maybe the Fins at home +4.5 over the up and down Chargers. 

Over 46 Arizona (which has been our biggest disappointment) at Indy.

Under 48.5 Cowboys at Carolina. 

Under 42 Tennessee at Vegas, and take da Raiders -4. 

Under 44.5 the sinking Bungles at Green Bay. Flacco, who recently qualified for social security, but could not get the money because the government is shutdown and Dodge closed all the offices except the one in Ogunquit, Maine,  is not the answer. 

As our friend and now podcaster Mike Francesca said on his pod Friday, if you're a football fan, you love the Lions at KC Sunday night game.   We're going ride or die with KC and taking them as a home dog +2.5. 

And finally the Bills -4 at Atlanta for the first of two MNF games looks a bit low. We are taking now as that number is going to drop. 

And call us crazy, but ds Bears are a bit better than people are giving them credit for, and the commies a bit worse, so Chicago +4.5 at DC. 

Did someone say a MNF parlay Bills -4 + Bears +4.5? Yup! We did. 

SURVIVOR 

We told you last week it was tough pickings. The field was decimated with seven players going down, all of whom didn't use their bye and a few had an extra bye. You can outsmart yourself in Survivor very easily, as the results of last week show. This week it's all Packers and Steelers, two home favourites. 

week 6 by Anonymous PbHV4H

As always, Fake Alex Michaels has appealed his loss, which he does every year, to no avail. But we admire his pluck, as would Alex, rest in peace. 

REMARKABLE JUDGE FARUQUI

 There is a remarkable Magistrate Judge sitting in DC.  His name is Zia M. Faruqui , and his actions must be astounding to the Desantis drones we have here in Florida. 

In recent weeks, Judge Faruqui has called out federal prosecutors for making an end run around a federal grand jury. When a federal grand jury refused to indict a defendant on a gun case, the prosecutors ran to a DC jury and got the indictment. The NY Times article is here. 

“I am not a rubber stamp, as frustrating as that may be to the government,” he said

We can hear the drones gasping. "Wait! Prosecutors charged someone and the judge didn't accept the charges??? Can he do that? And wouldn't that perhaps stop him from getting an appointment to the district court? Why in the world would a judge publicly help a defendant and hurt himself in the process?" 

Judge Zia Faruqui is pretty much our new favourite federal judge. 

But wait! There's more! 

Here's a remarkable order in which Judge Faruqui questions the truthfulness, reasonableness, and downright intelligence of  law enforcement officers who stopped and searched a man of color, who was well dressed and in an upscale mall, for....wait for it...adjusting his backpack!!!

From the order (the link to the order is here) 

This was an illegal search.

 Before the first opportunity to have its case pressure tested, the government folded. The U.S. Attorney admitted to “mov[ing] to dismiss the charges once she was shown body camera footage of the arrest on Friday. 

...

Riley was wearing a backpack. Officers found that suspicious because it looked as if something heavy was inside of it. See Compl. ¶ 3. Isn’t that the point of backpacks: to carry heavy things, like laptops, books, etc.? The body worn camera from the officer shows how mundane the backpack appears...

 Adjusting a backpack is neither a crime, nor does it give rise to reasonable suspicion of one. Elementary-school experience and the caselaw support that. 

OMG! we can hear the drones exclaiming. A judge that has issued a ruling against the prosecution and police with the type of common sense he says one acquires in elementary school. He is surely sunk. He will never get elevated with opinions like that.

So there you have it. A judge who most certainly isn't a drone simply calling balls and strikes where every call favors the prosecution. And in 2025 to boot! Imagine that. 

CLUELESS FOR 500

 Querry: You need to set a video conference meeting. What App/Platform are you using? 

If you are 98% of the normal and intelligent world, you are sending a Zoom link. 

BUT, if you are an obstinate doofus, who wants to be different and make things difficult for everyone else, then you use Microsoft Teams. 

Now, here's the easy/tough part. Which entities fit the above description? 

Time for a little Jeopardy. (Cue music) 

Jeopardy Contestant: "Ken, I'll take clueless entities for five hundred." 

Ken Jennings (host of Jeopardy) "And the answer is, these two organizations are so difficult, clueless, and out of the mainstream, they use Microsoft Teams instead of Zoom." 

Jeopardy Contestant: "Umm, uhh, who is the United States Government, and ummm....hmmmm...."

Ken Jennings "Five seconds" 

Jeopardy Contestant: "And..ahh...hmmm. Oh! The Eleventh Judicial Circuit of Miami! Whew." 

Ken Jennings "Correct! And just in the nick of time."

Jeopardy Contestant: "I'll take clueless entities for a thousand."

Ken Jennings: "This clueless entity's Teams service is currently down...again."

Jeopardy Contestant: "Umm...who is the Eleventh Judicial Circuit?"

Ken Jennings: "Correct. We threw you a curve ball with the last two answers being the same." 

Yes folks, your favourite Miami Judge cannot answer emails, write DENIED on their MS Word program or check in with other judges on Teams because their server/program ain't working (add your favourite pun about the user also not working as usual.) 

So currently, the US Government is closed, and Miami Judges cannot use their Microsoft products. How will the civilized world survive? 

But no worries, Nvidia ran nicely today so all is right with Rumpole's world. 

TNF

Nice game on tonight. Giants at Eagles. The Philly squad is coming off a letdown loss this weekend, while the Gints had the game against New Orleans as much in hand as a judge grabbing the last free po-boy off the tray at the buffet. But the Giants blew the game, and Rumpole's bet. 

The  Giants are getting 7.5 and that may be enough for a backdoor cover with a later TD, but the better play is the over 40. 

We are also trying to rebuild our bankroll which has been seriously hurt by the Phillies and Yankees by picking under 36.5 yards rushing for  Giant QB Dart, over Barkley rushing for 83.5 yards, and just a few few dollars on Gints rookie Skateebo rushing for over 46.5 yards. 

With a couple of hard seltzers and a Di Fara pizza, we are starting the holiday weekend early. 

FIRST MONDAY IN OCTOBER

   It's that day again. The day when every county court judge recalls all the great things people said about them at their investiture and they dream of the day when writing           "Wh & cc" becomes "the petitioner's writ for certiorari to the United States Supreme Court is hereby DENIED!

It's the First Monday In October, when, by tradition, the *Trump Supreme Court convenes and meets for the first time of the year after the summer recess. 

Here's a neat article by retired Justice Anthony Kennedy, who, apparently had so much free time whilst serving on the Court that he was able to read the correspondence of Chief Justice Hughes during the construction of the Supreme Court building and learned that the words engraved above the entrance "Equal Justice Under Law" was not plucked from some learned decision by Justice Marshall, but was in fact added by the construction company because...steady now...it fit!

So what's on the docket? Glad you asked.   

The Right Of The President to Order The Artillery Shelling Of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. "If the President thinks a simple bombardment of a city that mocks him is necessary for national security, who are we to stop him?" wrote Justice Kavanaugh in accepting cert. 

The Right Of The FDA to Ban Painkillers.  Colloquially called the "Suck it up baby" case, the Court examines whether the right to effective pain management is written anywhere in the *Trump Bill of Rights.

The Right Of The FDA to Ban Antibiotics.  Similar to the previous case, but with some significant differences. Justice Alito fought to accept the case, employing the close scrutiny analysis of "Do you know what's in that stuff these doctors give you? Neither do I, and thus it should be banned."  This case has achieved a certain amount of notoriety because of the  leaked email of Justice Sotomayor, who wrote Alito "Are you out of your ever-loving F'ing mind?"  The case is being called the "Return America to the Dark Ages" case, where science and scientists are once and for all rejected by the Supreme Court. 

The Constitutionality of the Congressional Funding of the January 6 Heros Monument. In a move that surprised most court watchers, the Court agreed to examine the bill authorizing the federal funding of a monument to all of the people who stormed the US Capitol on January 6. "Re-writing reality is a fundamental part of what we are being told to do by the President" wrote Justice Thomas, in arguing to take up the case.

The Ban The EPA case, is also causing some excitement. "Who created the EPA?" asked Chief Justice Roberts. "Nixon!, And if that doesn't tell you all you need to know about the fake pollution and global warming bill of goods we have been sold for decades, then nothing will. Dumping fun chemicals in drinking water should be left to the solid and good discretion of the companies who have made the chemicals in the first place." 

 And finally 

The Criminality Of Running For Election ,  case looks closely at the right of the President to order the arrest and indictment of "certain individuals running for election."  Justice Coney Barrett (motto: "The name is Coney, NOT Comey...") wrote that "With the wrong people running for election, we get elections stolen like what happened in Georgia and Pennsylvania and Nevada in 2020." 

So there you have it. With some slight exaggeration, this is the state of the law in our country in 2025. Welcome to the dark ages, shepherded in via the mumbo jumbo of six people with no backbone, pride, or common sense. 

Let the shelling of Sheboygan and other renegade cities begin!

Ready. Aim....FIRE! 

*Renamed by executive order in 2025.